Prologue - part 1
May 13, 2020
Lunarsun
Top comment
Okay, this reads really clunky here. The scenes are nice and your character is very interesting.
Who am I? Oh for if that matters I was a businessman. (Yeah, that is really brutal to read)
It might read better as.
Who am I?
Oh, if that really matters, I am a businessman.
Just a suggestion, because there are other ways to write that. Anyway, I am on to checking out the other chapters/episodes.
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