I wanted Lucas to take me somewhere better, somewhere nice. A world where it’s normal for people to wear pink shoes. Someplace where I would stop thinking about Janine, Ivan, Sir Mark, the golden cross, my dead mother, and room 5010.

We walked together with my hand tightly, gripping Lucas’s warm and soft hand. I never even noticed it. Now that I recall it, I knew that my hands were shaking then. It must have been very sweaty too. Lucas never complained, though. We just walked together, hand in hand. Not a care about the world. Silent and still. Just like how I wanted it to be. We then arrived at an outdoor parking lot where his black Sedan is parked. It’s a very discreet vehicle. It does not shout extravagance and wealth. It has come to my attention that, other than his clothes, Lucas is not at all fond of opulence. My image of Lucas had always been about him living in a grand mansion with daily parties, a night of champagne, and endless fortune. It’s so odd that the best moment of my life after the death of my mother is spent with a silent and humble actor wearing clothes that shout nothing but loudness. 

Lucas took me to a bar a few meters away from the family diner. It’s odd of him to lead me to a bar in the middle of the afternoon. The bartender inside of the bar feels the same way. When we entered, the bartender said right away that they’re not open yet but immediately shushed his voice with a subtle shocked expression when he saw Lucas. It looks like the bartender has just gotten here because he’s still wearing a slightly ragged set of clothes instead of the usual uniform shtick that bars love to do.

He bowed down to Lucas right away when he saw him and welcomed us warmly. I knew then that Lucas is an essential person in this group, a real VIP. It turns out that I’m right. Lucas confided to me right away that he owns the bar. I was not surprised. I looked around the place. Tinted glass walls, black floor, and a dark-violet ceiling. The vibe of the location alone shouts nothing but Lucas. The tables are sleek, the chairs are comfy, and the bar itself is glisteningly bright. I saw a stage in the corner with a few instruments in place. Lucas said that a jazz band plays a song around here when the bar opens. He asked me if I wanted to hear a song from his band. I politely declined, to which Lucas replied with a shrug and said that there’s always a next time.

Lucas ordered a drink for me. He said that the bartender should give him vodka while I should get a fizzy S. I don’t know what he meant by that, but I soon understood that the “fizzy S” is just Sprite. Oh well. I never drank alcohol ever in my life anyway, and I don’t intend to start now. Besides, I like Sprite. Or the “fizzy S“ as they call it. It felt like he knew exactly what I wanted to order before I even knew about it. This makes me feel like Lucas has some understanding of me. It almost made me laugh. If it weren’t for the serenity of this entire place, I would have let out one nasty and awful-sounding peal of laughter. The bartender gave our orders, and he left immediately.

We just sat there in silence while looking at our drinks. I just looked at the ice melt on my Sprite as I felt Lucas’ gaze piercing at me. He finally broke the ice, and I will never forget what he said.

“You’re so beautiful when you’re quiet.”

Who the hell says that? Quiet? Does he have some kind of muteness fetish? Those were such odd things to say that it made me choke on my drink! I’ve heard no one ever say that to me. It made me panic. I felt like I just finished running a marathon. I didn’t even know why that held such a significant impact on me. I guess I just found it weird.

Lucas then tapped his fingers on the table twice. When he did so, the bartender appeared from the backdoor and refilled our drinks. Lucas then told his bartender to be a dear and play us a “Number 8.” The bartender simply bowed silently and went to the small stage in the corner of the bar wordlessly. He then started playing the saxophone that’s sitting on the floor. Soon enough, a sense of silent excitement entered through me as this smooth sound that must have come from the kingdom of god in heaven itself filled the silence roaming all around us. Soon enough, I realized that Lucas had just taken me to a place I never knew I wanted to go to. A sanctuary. This is what I meant when I said I wanted to go to a place for my head. And I didn’t even know how much I needed a situation like this. Soft saxophone melody, serene facility, and a fantastic company. How could I not want this paradise? And how did Lucas know how much I craved this level of pristine peace? 

After a few minutes, Lucas chuckled while nibbling his lower lip and told me that this song always made him want to dance. When he said that, he chugged his drink and gulped it in one go before standing a few inches away from me. He then moved his body slowly in the beat of the music. The stiffness of his body made me laugh hard. I found it hard to contain it while he’s looking at me with that ridiculous smile. He then started tapping his thighs while snapping his fingers. He then asked me to dance with him, to which I immediately refused. Lucas chuckled while rolling his eyes jokingly as he pulled me towards him. Before I knew it, I was already dancing along with him. I found myself laughing together with him as I laid my weary head on his chest. I never knew how taller he was compared to me until now. I had always been happy with my height, but I guess being 5 feet and 5 inches tall is not big enough to be on par with that guy. I didn’t feel insecure, though. Somehow, I felt a sense of safety.

When I woke up this morning, I would have never expected that I would be dining, drinking, and dancing with the person I murdered in my imagination. When I opened my eyes this morning, I never thought I would have this much fun with the customer who said some sexually degrading jokes to me on my first day. When I saw the morning glory of the sun today, I could have never imagined that I would experience a moment that I would love so much.

That would have been impossible if I didn’t call out to that weirdo in the park who’s wearing an outrageously loud outfit.

I remembered how much I laughed and how silly I felt when Lucas went behind me and started slow dancing on the jazz song. Lucas never touched me the entire time. We also never uttered a word about our problems. We just buried the whole chunk of the universe away along with this lovely sound.

Before we knew it, a few hours had already passed. Who would have thought I could have enjoyed not saying a single word to anyone and just drinking Sprite and water for hours? I felt silly.

Just now, while I’m writing this journal entry, Lucas sent me a photo. It’s a selfie of the two of us he took outside of his bar. He told me he would escort me back home before taking this shot. Lucas very playfully told me to have a selfie with him as a sort of commemoration for this day or whatever his excuse was so that he could dump my face in his phone’s gallery. He then asked for my number so he could send the picture to me. I willingly complied. I looked at our jovial faces in the photo. I remembered that this was when Lucas took off his silly violet suit, revealing a black vest inside.

That was when I saw the bright neon lights coming from behind us. Lucas’ bar was already open when he took this photo, so the LED signage, which showed that the bar is open, has been lit up. There I saw the name of Lucas’ bar.

Heal; Soul.

What a ridiculous coincidence. It almost made me laugh.