I woke up in Duncan’s bed the next morning without Duncan.

I wandered around the apartment naked looking for him, but all I found was a note on the counter:

Had to go to work. Lock the door when you leave. Call me if you want a good time: 310-555-8922.

So much for morning sex. He could have woken me up before he left. What tattoo parlor opened at… I squinted at the microwave clock and realized it was 11 AM.

“Holy shit,” I muttered. I guess he’d really worn me out last night. My body was feeling it, too. Three orgasms really knocked you out and dragged you back for another punch. I remembered being woken up from a light slumber around two in the morning for another fuck, which explained why I hadn’t gotten out of bed sooner. Christ, the way Duncan could move and use my body against me… I nearly got a boner just from remembering it.

I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and put my clothes back on. I wondered if he usually let strangers wander around his house after a one-night stand. Did I come across as trustworthy or did he just assume the good in everyone? Weird. I put my own number on the note, then grabbed my things and left. All I stole was a can of beer out of his fridge, because alcohol was expensive and he was stupid for giving me free reign of his place. I figured he wouldn’t miss it.

I took a picture of it sitting on my dashboard and texted it to him.

Took a hostage from your apartment. Thanks for last night. –Justin

He didn’t text back right away—understandable, if he was working—so I pulled out of the parking lot and into traffic.

***

“I think I’m going to start running.”

“What?” I looked up from my phone at Josh, who was seated on the other end of my couch. Zoe was out doing whatever Zoe did on school nights, leaving Josh and I alone to watch Stargate and eat nachos. Josh had brought the nachos. I brought the willingness to watch premium 90’s and early 2000’s sci-fi.

“I think I could use some exercise, you know?”

“You’ve tried twice to go to the gym. You even dragged me along once.”

“It was a gay gym. I thought you’d like it.”

“Gay gyms are even worse than straight gyms.”

“How many gyms have you been to, Justin?”

Hardly any. But I felt even more judged at a gay gym than a traditional one. Too many guys jacked up on ‘roids, scoping each other out. They could claim all day that they got their biceps through eating protein shakes and watching sugar intake, but having that many veins was not natural. I liked a guy with a good body, but I preferred it not be his obsession.

“The point is,” Josh continued, “I think I can manage to keep a schedule if it’s not a gym. Like, running through the park is gonna be more natural and invigorating.”

“Invigorating,” I stated in a dead-pan voice.

“Shut up, man. Just support me this once.”

“Of course I support you. I just don’t know why you have a sudden passion for running.”

“I don’t. I want to try.”

I shrugged a shoulder. “Okay. Best of luck to you then.”

Josh tapped his fingers on the arm rest of the couch and pressed his lips together. I eyed him suspiciously.

“Why are you making that weird face?” I asked.

“Hmm? What weird face?”

I didn’t respond, just lifted an eyebrow. I was very skilled at making such disappointed expressions, as evidenced by how quickly Josh broke.

“So, uh, I’m not going running alone.”

“No?” I perked up. “Did you find a guy to go with you?”

“Uh, sort of…?”

“Who is it? Why don’t you want to tell me?”

“Because you know him.”

“Sven?” Sven did some physical exercise, but he was no fitness guru.

“No…”

“Then who?”

Josh pressed his lips together again, then released them, making a pop noise. “Eddie.”

I stared at him a long time before I said, “Eddie. Eddie Parker?”

“Yeeeah.”

“What? How do you even know him!?”

Josh sighed, as if exhausted. His head fell back against the couch. “So… look. What happened was he stopped by my house a few days after your concussion. He wanted to know how you were doing.”

“Shut the fuck up.” I scowled and leaned forward. “He did not.”

“He did.”

“Why the fuck would he care? He hates me.”

“He wasn’t sure either. I guess he felt obligated to ask.”

“Did Peaches send him?” I hoped not. Peaches hadn’t mentioned it to me, and he didn’t strike me as someone who lied well.

“No. He said he was curious and worried. He wanted to know that you were okay.”

“He could have just fucking asked Peaches.”

“Look, Justin… I don’t want to get between you and… whatever drama you have going on with Peaches and his boyfriend, but Eddie’s really nice. He gave you a ride to my house and his shirt, and then he wanted to make sure that you felt better. I know you two don’t like each other, but he and I get along well. He’s really funny.”

Of course he was funny. He was funny and gorgeous and nice—everything I wasn’t. I don’t know why I hated him so much, even after my short affair with Peaches and after he’d come to my rescue when Dylan locked me in a bathroom. It made no sense, and I was the first to acknowledge that. But it felt too good to dislike him that I couldn’t stop. Someone had to dislike him, right? Even my own best friend didn’t.

“So you’re running with him now?”

“He talked me into it.”

“How long have you two been talking?”

Josh shrugged. “A month or two. He is so... I dunno, he’s a lot of fun. Intense, but fun.”

Great. As if it weren’t enough that he take Peaches from me, now he had to go and seduce my best friend? I felt like punching a pillow. Fuck. How long would it take Josh to leave my miserable skinny ass behind for someone whose eyes practically twinkled when he smiled?

“He mentioned that he liked to run, and I joked about joining him, but then he was super encouraging about it and I was like… sure, okay. So now I’m going to go run with him tomorrow. I’ll slow him down, but he refused to accept my excuse and says he doesn’t mind me joining him even if I’m as slow as a turtle.”

“What did you tell him when he asked how I was?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“I said you were fine. I didn’t give him all the details.” Josh tilted his head. “Give me some credit, Justin.”

“I wonder if Peaches told him what happened with Dylan.”

“He might have, I dunno. We don’t talk about you much.”

Just perfect. “I’m glad you have a fantastic new friend then. Congratulations.”

Josh sighed. “Justin, please don’t take this personally.”

“You’ve befriended my enemy and you don’t want me to take it personally?”

“He’s only your enemy because you fell in love with Peaches, who was still in love with Eddie. That’s not Eddie’s fault. He didn’t do anything to you personally. If I know anything about you at all, I figure you were the one picking fights with him.”

“What? That’s not fair!”

“Justin—”

I shot up from the couch with a growl. “This is so fucking irritating. Why does everyone love Eddie so much? What’s so great about him, huh? It’s like he’s the goddamn Pope.”

“You’d like Eddie if you didn’t have this grudge against him.”

“No, I wouldn’t. I don’t like people who are fake.”

“Fake? How is he fake?”

“He’s so… happy and smiley. No one smiles that much.”

Josh rolled his eyes. “Okay, Justin.”

“Don’t you care at all about how I feel about this?”

“You don’t have control over who I make friends with.”

“You’re only friends with him because I had my face bashed by Dylan!”

Josh stretched out his legs from their folded position on the couch, slouching down and rubbing his face. “Can we not argue about this right now? I shouldn’t have brought it up. I knew you wouldn’t take it well.”

I had enough will and energy to argue for another two hours if I needed to, but the look on Josh’s face was not receptive in the least. But I was still pissed, and I needed an outlet.

“I’m going for a walk,” I grumbled as I marched toward the front door. “I’ll be back in five minutes.”

“Are you serious?” Josh asked, but I cut him off by shoving the door closed behind me.

I walked to the end of the hall and entered the stairwell. I then sat down on a step and dragged my fingers through my hair, yanking a bit at the roots. My therapist back in rehab had given me some anger management lessons that had done me some good in reining in my rage. I didn’t fly off the handle anymore, and I didn’t throw hands with idiots trying to get a rise out of me. But I had my moments. This was one of them. I wasn’t even sure what made me this pissed. Josh had been right in that Eddie had never really done anything to me. What angered me the most was what he represented. I’d been passed over and tossed away by people for much of my life, and it was always for people like Eddie—hot, perfect, wholesome, and unattainable for me in every conceivable way. And yeah, okay, he was a little strange and definitely too fem for a lot of insecure gays in this city, but he still attracted people to him in other ways. Sometimes you met someone who was so goddamn sweet and personable that you couldn’t help but be drawn to them. That was Eddie. That wasn’t me.

What I felt was pure seething jealousy. That was what planted the seed of my ire, and its roots had sunk into every rational part of my brain. Fuck that guy. What if he took Josh from me? I wondered if they talked about me. Did Josh tell him how frustrating I could be? Did Eddie say something like you could do so much better, hon? Josh could, of course. He could find a friend who wasn’t so high maintenance, one who never called him drunk or sobbing, one who had a life filled with interesting and amusing stories instead of ones that left a room depressed and looking for an exit.

My treadmill of thoughts ran faster and faster with each new terrible scenario, until I was having some trouble breathing. Before they truly spiraled out of control, I shoved my head between my knees and inhaled, focusing on the physical. It was something my therapist taught me, and I hadn’t had to use it for years.

The door to the stairwell opened, and Josh peeked inside. When he saw me slumped over, he walked over and sat down at my side, reaching an arm around my shoulders.

He rubbed my opposite arm soothingly. “Hey, are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah,” I said with a sniff. “I think so.”

“I’m sorry I upset you so much.” He ducked his head in an effort to meet my gaze. “Wanna talk about it?”

I wanted to say no, of course not but I needed to be honest if I was going to act like a crazy person. “I don’t want to be replaced.”

“By Eddie?” Josh’s forehead wrinkled with confusion. “Justin, we’re casual acquaintances.”

“Yeah, but…” I ran a hand under my nose. “He’s, like, a fairy princess.”

Josh laughed. “Probably.”

“And I’m an angry little gremlin.”

“Maybe I prefer gremlins.” He ruffled my hair. “Cute and fuzzy.”

I shoved him with a broken laugh. “Thanks, jerk.” I then let out a shaky breath. “If you wanna be friends with Eddie, then you can. I don’t mean to act like a psycho.”

“You aren’t psycho.”

“You’ve visited me in a psych ward, Josh.”

“Psycho is not a word I’d use to describe anyone with a mental illness.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Josh was all politically correct like that. I suppose as an EMT, he saw every stripe and flavor of divergent. “I wish I weren’t like this though.”

“If I weren’t willing to put up with a little shouting, I wouldn’t be friends with you.”

“Don’t you want a friend you don’t have to yell at though?”

“I don’t think we were yelling. We were arguing. That happens with everyone. You’ve got to stop thinking that you’re this abnormal weirdo for getting angry about stupid shit. Hell, my sister was on a tear yesterday because her roommate ate the last of the pizza. She called me up to complain.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I turned my eyes to the floor and stayed quiet.

“You can come run with us if you want,” Josh said after a few seconds of silence.

“Fuck no,” I blurted, and Josh laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll probably last half a mile before I pass out.”

“Sounds like something I’d do.”

Josh dropped his arm from my shoulders and placed his hands on his thighs in order to stand. “As long as we’re talking about how useless we are at physical activity, want to participate in the second nerdiest thing possible—watching Stargate?”

I jumped to my feet, because Stargate provided an exit from this awful heart-to-heart. “Don’t have to ask me twice.”