When Ash blinked himself awake groggily, he was instantly barraged with a wave of fresh exhaustion and the painful sensation of tight aching muscles in his lower back, stomach and thighs. A flood of memory overwhelmed him, a sped-up recap of a morning of training, fighting in the sparring pit, pinning Russ to the ground, standing up and spotting Malachai staring hungrily at him from the sidelines, kissing him in front of their comrades… and then they were in the kitchen and he was getting fucked brutally over the tumble dryer and loving every moment of it. After that, not much was left in the memory bank he called his brain to explain how he had made it into bed. And how it suddenly appeared to be much later in the afternoon according to the level of the sun outside the open windows.

To his left, Malachai was slumped on a pile of pillows scrolling through his phone with a bored expression. Ash watched him for a few moments, scanning over his half-lidded eyes, tense neck muscles, hard jaw and his free hand gripping the pillow under his elbow. When he realised Ash was staring at him he plopped the phone on the bedside table and shuffled back, straightening his spine, and sat up against the headboard.

“We need to talk.” He said quietly.

“I know.” Ash groaned softly, lifting himself on to all fours and crawling up to the top of the bed to lean against the headboard as well, doing his best to mirror Malachai’s body language but his sore body struggling to obey him.

“You wanna start?”

Ash huffed,“Not really.”

“Fine. I feel like all we do is fuck and fight and then fuck because we fought or fight because we fucked.”

“I know,” Ash sighed tiredly, “I feel like I’m trapped on one of those spinning waltzer rides.”

Malachai nodded in solemn agreement.

“So how do we stop the ride?”

“If I knew that I would have done it by now!” Ash snapped.

“Hey,” Malachai said softly, “I’m just trying to help.”

An instant stabbing guilt pain speared through his stomach and straight up into his heart at his mate’s gentle tone. Why was he making his soul mate his enemy?

“I know you are and I appreciate it,” He sighed and rubbed at his cheeks and eyes, attempting to scrape the last of his sleepiness from his fuzzy head, “but I feel like this is a me problem.”

“You’re my soul mate so this is an us problem.” Malachai stated firmly.

Ash scrunched his face up in defeat but said nothing.

“Let’s start with the fucking before the fighting,” Malachai suggested, reaching out to take one of Ash’s hands in his own with an unsettlingly delicate touch, “what’s the problem there?”

“You know the problem, I don’t want to be submissive.”

“But you can admit you have a submissive… side.” Malachai responded carefully, squeezing his hand a little in a way that was oddly comforting.

It took a long time for Ash to answer but he finally shrugged in a failed nonchalant way and muttered, “I have… submissive urges.”

It was the first time he had said the words out loud. There was a hint of shame in his stomach pulling at him but Malachai’s gaze never wavered, his expression still cool and calm and collected. His touch grounding Ash to the bed and keeping them connected.

“Okay, well you can have both… urges.”

Ash knew what he was implying. But they both knew switches didn’t exist, neither of them had ever met one and no one in their pack believed in them. Switches in the werewolf community were assumed to be subs that couldn’t admit they were subs. A bit like how biphobes in the human community treated bisexuals. Or Pansexuals. Or literally any sexuality on a spectrum of any kind.

“Switches are a myth, Mal.” He mumbled, “In fact, switches are worse than a myth, they’re a joke!”

Malachai pulled on his hands, causing Ash’s body to slide along the sheets until he was almost in his lap.

“I don’t think they’re a joke. I also don’t think they’re a myth.” He said with the utmost seriousness, “And it makes perfect sense for you.”

“I don’t know…” Ash mumbled.

He did know, he didn’t want to admit that he knew. And he could tell from Malachai’s raised brows and pursed lips that he could tell.

Malachai played with their fingers distractedly as he disagreed, “But we do know. And knowing can do nothing but help us find a solution to our relationship problems because we both know this isn’t perfect.”

“What is the solution?” Ash whispered.

“That you are a switch and you should let yourself play both roles,” Malachai advised with the aura of a doctor prescribing medicine, his tone confident and his eyes caring. “it’s your fighting against your submissive side that’s been giving you a shitty attitude.”

Those last two words struck a very sensitive nerve. Ash snatched his hands back.

“A shitty attitude?” He repeated, his voice laced with fury.

His brown eyes darkened, almost matching Malachai’s in shade.

“You know it’s true.” Malachai huffed.

“You’re such a jackass.”

“See! Shitty attitude!”

“Because you’re acting like this is all me! But you need to change too! I may have some submissiveness in me but you try to force your dominance on me all the time and it’s not fair! You need to learn to back off sometimes!”

Malachai growled, “I do not force myself on you.” his tone deadly serious.

“You know I don’t mean you force sex on me but you push your dominance too much too often and I’m sick of it!”

“I think we should continue this discussion when you’ve calmed down a bit.” Said Malachai, his tone condescending.

He climbed out of bed and gave Ash a sharp look before heading for the door.

“I think you should go suck an egg!” Ash called after him.

Malachai ignored the childish comment and left, shutting the door just a little too roughly behind him.

~

While stomping through the halls of the pack house on his break between his penultimate and final patrols of the day Malachai spotted a familiar sprout of fluffy hair disappearing around a corner and quickly sped up his steps to catch up with his favourite omega.

“Hey.” He said with as much fake cheer as he could manage.

Sam started and blinked up at him, “Hi.” he replied, slowing to a halt in the otherwise empty hallway.

“How’re you doing?”

“Fine, thank you.” He said quietly, his brows raised just a little in uncertainty.

Malachai’s eyes were immediately drawn to the scar that interrupted one of said brows, slicing all the way up to his bed-head. It was a wound his best friend’s mate had received fighting off a vampire, something all of the junior officers found very cool. Markus had ordered them all not to look at or ever mention the scar though, even if half of Scarlett Moon’s warriors wanted one that badass themselves.

“How are you?”

“I’m okay.” Malachai blurted, “Just on my break. Killing time.”

He wanted to talk to Sam, he felt this strange intuitive belief that it would make him feel better. He didn’t know how or why though. He also didn’t have any more questions to ask. Submissives are weird and different and Malachai didn’t know how to talk to them.

“How is your mate?”

Incredibly grateful for Sam taking notice that he didn’t want the conversation to end he responded far too quickly, “Great! Yeah, he’s fantastic. He’s… he’s furious with me.”

“Oh?”

“I just… I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

Sam blinked a few times, realised Malachai needed some encouragement and waved his little hand in a gesture to push him along.

“We had a fight this afternoon, about him being… on the bottom.”

There wasn’t a hint of humour or awkwardness on the omega’s face so Malachai allowed words to keep falling out his mouth.

“He doesn’t like feeling submissive, except sometimes he does but it’s completely unpredictable and he doesn’t want me to call him a switch even though he definitely is one. I don’t have submissive urges but he does so shouldn’t he be the one to take the bottom position? I only know how to be dominant! When we try to talk about it we just end up arguing and it’s been years and we’re just going around in circles, covering the same ground, having the same fights. What do I do?”

Sam took his time considering Malachai’s ramble before announcing his verdict, “Being a switch doesn’t mean he can literally switch when he wants to,” he said slowly, “he’s not a lamp you can turn on or off on the basis of when you want light. He has both sides but it’s not up to you to decide when those sides present themselves. I think you are both trying very hard to make this work but you’re doing so on the basis that him being a switch is something controlled or predictable and I don’t think it is. Correct me if I’m wrong but switches can’t pick their status for the day, hour or minute, can they?”

“Not so far as we’ve seen.” Malachai sighed sadly.

“So you’re trying to control and compartmentalise something which by its very definition can’t be contained.”

A silent pause sat between them as Malachai took a moment to digest his words. Sam watched him patiently.

“I know alpha mates are supposed to be wise but damn, you kinda actually are.”

“It’s not an alpha mate thing,” Sam grinned cheekily before adding, “I was born wise.” with a wink that caught Malachai completely off-guard.

This was not the omega he knew and his best friend loved. But he liked it, this quiet but funny little kid would definitely weasel his way into the inner circle, Malachai could feel it already.

“I can believe that, Goddess knows Markus couldn’t make himself smart, let alone anyone else! Thanks, by the way, for the other day. Markus doesn’t seem to know anything, I assume you didn’t tell him?”

“Not my secret to tell.” Sam replied simply.

“Thanks,” Malachai repeated, “I can’t really talk about this stuff with other dominants… You’re a good listener.”

“Being dominant doesn’t mean you can’t be in touch with your emotions, you need to stop letting your label affect you so deeply. Markus had to learn the same lesson and no one respects him any less for letting himself be vulnerable and kind and gentle.”

“Thanks.”

Sam left with a nod which Malachai returned with grateful enthusiasm.

~

The final patrol on Malachai’s schedule for the day gave him some much needed time in nature, breathing in fresh air and feeling the mud under his feet. The outdoors always made him feel more clear-headed, the perfect opportunity to mull over Sam’s wise words.

When he was finished he wandered around the grounds in search of Ash, knowing he was on a slightly later patrol but not where he was designated to. He found him signing off on the patrol board outside the justice office and followed him silently back to the pack house, they kicked off their muddy boots side-by-side and entered the house. Ash was the first to break the silence between them once they were completely alone on the stairs.

“Are you sniffing around to fight or fuck?” He snapped sarcastically.

Malachai made the poor choice of attempting to remain light-hearted, “Well, we’ve already fought once today but we haven’t fucked yet.” he said with a wonky smile.

“You think I want to have sex with you after what you said this morning?!” Ash asked incredulously.

“I think you will when I tell you how sorry I am and how much I love you.”

Ash folded his arms and nodded his head in the universal signal of ‘go ahead’.

“Ash, I apologise from the bottom of my heart for being rude to you this morning, I was a massive butt-head and after taking some time to reflect on my words I realise I was wrong.”

“And?”

“And I love you lots like gumdrops?”

“Shut up.” Ash laughed, giving Malachai a flick to the forehead.

“Am I back in favour?”

“Mmm.”

“Can I get back in your butt?”

Ash sighed, “You really know how to ruin a moment, don’t you?”

“I’m not hearing a no?”

“Fine.”

“That’s not exactly a yes.”

“You want me to beg you or something?”

“I would love that.”

“Shut up and get in my butt.” Ash said with a roll of his eyes.

Not needing to be told twice, Malachai tackled Ash, flinging him over his shoulder and jogging to his room, enjoying the sound of his mate’s confused laughter ringing out behind his head. He let himself laugh too, the ridiculousness of the situation tickling him.

In his room he kicked the door shut and got down to business, stripping them both and working his way inside of his mate, the laughter quickly stopped and the moans began.