I had to move forward, past the memories, past my own feelings, and past the self-doubts I currently was experiencing. That was ultimately what would help me grow.

Yeah, I felt that way, but in reality, facing a difficult task head-on was much harder to achieve than I originally thought. Thankfully, there was something I had to do first. And it involved not only letting off some steam, but it would also help clear my head even more.

My hands were fisted at my sides as I strode up to the great boarding house, scowling at how pretty it was. If it wasn’t for the fact that I could have a free room there, as well as the preferable distance from the city life down the street, I probably would’ve reconsidered my plans to stay. But—no, this place was too good to be true.

I eyed the grounds, searching for any sign of life. I doubted my new roommate would be at the garage still. He was most likely already in our shared apartment.

So, when I finally found a familiar head of brown, curly hair standing beneath the first stairway that led upstairs, I unleashed every last bit of complaints that I’d bottled up so far.

Theo turned around to look at me, smile brightening when he realized that it was me who had arrived without warning. It was short-lived, though, when I took him by the shoulders and spun him into the nearest alley, away from any prying ears. The only exception was the small garden gnome placed neatly in the center of a single table there, with two chairs on either side. It was a quaint little hiding spot.

I released my hold on him. “Theo . . .”

The smaller man jumped up delightedly, “You met him, right? Isn’t this exciting—!”

“You could’ve at least told me that we went to the same high school.” I flat out said. It was useless, because I knew Theo was friends with most, if not all, of the students there.

Theo shrugged, taking a seat in one of the vacant chairs. He sat sideways on it, with one foot resting on the seat and with his arm draped over the table. This boy was much too relaxed. “Is that a problem? I promise he doesn’t bite.”

“Bite—?” I repeated his words, shooing away that particular image from my mind. I was in disbelief at how calm he was over this, considering I was complaining. “No, Theo, I just would’ve liked a heads-up. That’s all.”

With that, my friend’s expression turned serious, “Aw, Lewis. I’m sorry.”

My shoulders slumped, defeated. I didn’t want my emotions to cause anyone any more problems, especially to Theo, since he was the one who had set it all up.

Tiredly, I gave in and sat on the chair on the opposite end, staring at the side-profile of the gnome. It was weathered, chipped, like it’d seen a good few years.

Thinking about this situation now, I’d been forced to sit and talk before, this time not with a literal twelve year-old, but with my old friend, who, was like a twelve year-old too most of the time.

I pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes, seeing stars. “I was just worried that it wouldn’t work—”

I could hear Theo leaning over to stare at the back of my head. I was turned from him, so that he couldn’t see my distress. I’d had enough with lashing out my emotions.

“ . . . are you homesick? Is that it?” He asked me.

That wasn’t what I’d had in mind for a reply. “Oh.” I looked at him. “No, no that’s not it, Theo.”

He exhaled. “That’s good . . .”

We let the sounds of the breezy trees mute out our conversation. It was then that I recognized how tranquil the boarding house could be. The area quite literally invited in solace, peace, like it had a life of it’s own.

For the second time, I digested the place, drinking every piece I could find with my eyes. My parents never mentioned this house to me. I doubted Felix ever visited either. He hardly spoke about his grandmother.

Theo tapped at the glass surface. The mosaic work done on this single piece of furniture reminded me of the floors in the courtyard. “Are you having doubts?”

Not anymore.

“Not anymore.” I told him, hands supporting my chin as I rested them on the table. “I’ve had time to think about it, now that I’ve seen who it is.”

“You knew him already?” He appeared surprised.

I didn’t want to admit that I had known him, let alone that I was head-over-heels for him at one point. “Not much.” I answered.

“Is that so . . .” His attention landed to the gnome.

There were so many things I wanted to ask him, though it seemed unfair to lay them all out on him when it was already so late. The stars were high in the sky, and the summer wind was becoming colder.

Suddenly, I remembered a certain cousin of mine.

“Theo, how did you know Felix was my cousin—?”

“You met up with Arturo now, right?” He hadn’t heard my question. “I was worried when he said he was gonna go looking for you. He said you were distressed or something—”

“Wait—what?” I hadn’t been aware that I’d gotten up from my spot. Everything else I was planning on asking him completely left my train of thought.

Theo blinked, “You didn’t?”

“I only saw him earlier in the garage, but . . .”

He ran after me because he was worried? Why? I hadn’t seen him, though.

Then I recalled the fact that I’d been hiding.

“So you left him back there?” Theo shook his head at me. A judgemental, almost comical expression crossed his face as he did so.

I didn’t have the patience for it, nor the care. It was due to the fact that my heart had momentarily sped up. Arturo wasn’t here, in the boarding house. He was in those streets below, wondering where I was—

Would he hate me for it? Would he decide to leave?

Hurriedly, I abandoned my spot to sprint a few paces away, staring at the opened black gate. Behind, I could hear Theo call after me.

I couldn’t relax. I was afraid that the repercussions of my actions would damage what I’d set out to do. If only I’d had faith back then at that bus stop, when I thought that he wouldn’t come.

“Why?” I said to Theo, but mostly to myself.

Why would he do that?

I didn’t have time to think. I only had time to move. Because if I didn’t want him to leave, then I would have to chase after him too, just like he had for me.

That was exactly what I hadn’t done five years ago. I wasn’t sure if I regretted it, but I knew I wasn’t going to make any more regrets now.

I wanted to see him. I wanted him to see me.

And so, I ran away for the second time—

To find him.

Cool air rushed past me as I sprinted down the hill for what felt like the millionth time. Just how much running had I done in a single day? I was tired as fuck at that point.

But . . . I had to reach him. I had to know if he was okay to go along with this act, or if he had decided against it. He’d seen me, and now that he knew who I was, then it was a possibility that he didn’t want to do this with me anymore. So, was there a possibility of him agreeing?

That was why I’d chased after him. That was why I had given in and ultimately concluded that now, more than ever, was the best chance to do what I hadn’t had the courage to do, back then in high school.

Maybe I was too late? Maybe he’d given up. Maybe he disliked me now . . .

Ignoring my thoughts, I rubbed my dry eyes from the wind. My contacts were hurting. I should’ve switched to glasses.

My vision was beginning to fuzz, and it wasn’t of any help when the only lighting available was from the nearby lamp posts, glowing yellow, warmly at me from my position on the sidewalk. No one was around, except for myself.

I closed my eyes and shook my head free of the negative thoughts buzzing in my mind, which—was a terrible idea.

The top of my head had hit a blunt force, something soft that felt very much like someone else’s head. It hadn’t hurt that much, but it was still enough for me to see stars again.

Unaware, I’d let out a loud, “Oh, shit—!”

Meanwhile, the person I’d crashed into continued to mutter short, pained curses incoherently in front of me.

It was surprising, and more amusing as the seconds went by. That is, until I saw that I’d actually fallen back, with my elbows scraping the ground as I tried to stand. It was no use, my already tired legs were done for the day. Either this person was going to carry me back, or I was going to give them a good scolding.

I opened my mouth to do just that, though my words faltered.

Before me, a tall young man was bent over, hand on his knee as his other stayed pressed to his forehead. He was wincing at the pain, teeth barred as he regathered his wits.

When he stood, he was tall, almost as tall as my cousin Lucas—no, this guy was slightly taller, and tanner too, with lighter hair that was almost curly.

I stayed where I was, laying on the ground as he had been when I’d left him. Compared to then, I was on the ground, whilst he was standing above me.

“I’m sorry . . .” He began to say, seeing me finally once he was back on his feet. “It’s way too dark out here—”

He paused.

I uttered, “Oh, n-no it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have been running—”

Without a second thought, he went on his knees to my side, hands splayed over my legs, “Fuck, are you okay?”

The shortened distance he’d created made me lose my train of thought. “I’m fine.”

Our faces were mere inches apart, but he didn’t make any indication that he cared. “It’s my fault. I was in the middle of the sidewalk—”

I took this moment to simply gawk at him as he went on with his apologies. This was the first time I ever held a proper conversation with him.

. . . Arturo.

He hadn’t known what to do with his hands, so he held one out to me, “Let me help you.”

My eyes widened, “No. No I’m fine—”

Without a second thought, he took my hand gently, firmly, as his other gripped my forearm steadily, helping me get up safely off the floor.

I appreciated the help, even though all I wanted to do was lay on the floor and pray that I’d melt into it. I went looking for him, and I’d found him in the most un-ideal way.

“I’m sorry.” He said, for the umpteenth time, holding my shoulders for a brief second before letting go. “And I’m . . . I’m sorry about the last time. . .”

My fingers tugged at fabric, until I noticed that I was still tugging at his shirt from when he was helping me get back up. I let go of him immediately too.

We both stepped back from each other.

“Gosh, no, I—I ran off because . . .”

Because what?

“Because I felt nauseous all of a sudden.” I lied. “But I feel better now!” I added, when a look of worry crossed his face.

I couldn’t help but keep studying it. It’d become so different, and yet it’d stayed the same. If anything, the lines in his face had sharpened, and remained strong.

It was a strange feeling—I was glad to see him.

“Ar—Artu . . .” Oh my goodness saying his name aloud was much harder than I imagined. “Uh . . .”

He saw me struggling. “Art.” He took a step forward, but kept his distance carefully. Everything about him was warm. “Friends call me Ro, but—you can call me Art.”

I could hardly say anything to that.

“Art.” I managed, standing up straight. I was trying to catch my breath from the trek. I also didn’t want to get caught staring. I couldn’t help it! I was curious to see what he’d grown up to be.

He smiled when I called him. He smiled.

My heart was making weird sensations in my chest at that. I stopped it by holding my hand over it, willing it to calm down. At least I was talking to him. That was a step forward, a step I never thought I would take.

Arturo sighed in relief. “Are you okay, though?”

No. I most certainly do not feel okay right now, sir.

“Oh, yeah.” I waved it off. “Nothing to worry about.”

Was my voice alright? Was it high-pitched from nervousness? These were the questions I needed answers to ASAP. It was bad enough that we had to meet again like this.

His shoulders relaxed. “I seriously thought my new boyfriend was gonna have to go to the hospital.”

I grew rigid.

He had just called me his . . . his boyfriend.

“Wait—were you reconsidering?” Arturo must’ve caught onto my reaction. He didn’t let me reply, and simply ran his hands through his hair, hiding his eyes in the process, “Oh my gosh, I totally understand if you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore—”

“Hold up, Art, no—” I held my hands out at him. His true colors were showing more and more as we spoke.

Originally, I’d always thought of him as someone who was quiet, unapproachable or mysterious. In reality . . .

He was a total dork.

I could work with this.

I cleared my throat, “I want to be your boyfriend.”

Wait. That didn’t come out correctly.

His expression lit up before I could feel embarrassed at my choice of words. “That’s—that’s great.”

This revelation made me feel less nervous, honestly.

I rubbed my arm, the one he’d touched. It stayed warm. “ . . . yeah.”

We grew quiet. Awkwardly quiet.

Nothing but the sounds of crickets occupied our silence for the next minute. Thankfully, Arturo outstretched his hand to me, as he’d done so previously. “I’m Arturo.” He properly introduced himself, surprising me. “It’s nice to meet you.”

I hadn’t known why I was hesitant, but I did the same anyway. “I’m . . . Lewis.” I said in a small voice. “It’s nice to see you too—I mean, it’s nice to meet you too.”

He . . .

He didn’t remember me?

That sensation in my chest fluttered at the thought. This time, I didn’t bother to ignore it.

He picked up on this. “Are you really okay with—with this?” He made a subtle hand motion in between us. “Just in case you’re uncomfortable with the agreement . . .”

I came to the conclusion that this guy was full of surprises.

There was the small problem with me possibly falling in love with him all over again.

I took a moment to gaze at him skeptically. If I thought over it more, maybe I’d come to realize that it was silly to be afraid of doing that. I wasn’t in love with him anymore. I was more touched that he waited patiently and asked me if I was okay with this.

“I’m fine with it.” I told him. “Let’s just both work hard. I’m counting on you.”

I will try my hardest not to fall in love with you again.

He smiled, “Me too.”

This unplanned meeting reminded me that I needed to use my time wisely, so that I could make up for the days I spent avoiding him. This time—I would cherish every moment. That was my new resolve.

“Friends.” I accepted his handshake determinedly, noticing how electric it felt.

Arturo took it firmly, pulling me a step closer towards him. “Boyfriends.” He said, with a grin.

This wasn’t going to be easy.

He looked down at me, “But we don’t know each other very much.”

“This is a fake-relationship.” I reminded him bluntly. I had to look up to speak to him.

“I know.”

“So?” I raised my brow.

Arturo regarded me for a second, still grasping my hand. It was the very first time I could see into his eyes directly, closer than before.

It was just as I thought it would be, and more.

“Then . . . I’d like to take you out on a date, Lewis.”