"Chin Mae, can you hear me?"

I whined, sighing heavily as I turned my head to one side. There were so many background noises that made me anxious, especially the clinky sound of ceramic plates and cups or the sound of the coffee grinder. It felt like someone was thrilling into my skull, and I wanted to scream so badly, pulling my head apart to stop that incredible suffering.

I gradually opened my eyes and realised that Cheng was bent over me, with a panicked expression on his face. I stopped for a few seconds and just watched his lips moving, his eyes quivering, and his pupils dilated... all that a few inches of my face which he was also holding and caressing, waiting patiently for a response. 

"Hey, are you okay?" Cheng insisted, placing a hand over my chest. His hand were so cold that I could feel them through my clothes. "Do you feel like moving at all?" but even though the idea of standing up was tempting, I felt taken aback. What might others think of me? What about Cheng, that was always there to look after me? Why couldn't I take care of myself? I wanted to stop depending on others and especially make people like him worry over someone like me. 

I didn't deserve him, but I was afraid. 

Afraid of being alone, afraid of not being able to make it or make decisions by myself because of my dumbness. 

Afraid to fail and lose, the only chance I got left to succeed... 

... but what was success to me?

I placed a hand over my stomach and lifted my body slightly up by leaning on my forearms, "Be careful," Cheng insisted as he helped me to get back into a seated position, then looked back at the small crowd that was looking at us like we were in a sort of a shooting "Nosey hypocrites... You were unconscious for ten minutes, and they were just standing there, looking like you were some sort of interesting movie trailer." he made himself heard and all of them finally got back to their seat, started whispering and glancing at us once in a while.

"When I realised that you weren't breathing, someone finally came and helped. But only then-" his soft lips formed a thin line, but then he stopped talking, maybe trying to recompose himself from cursing or shouting. 

"Who touched me?" I asked, confused. Fear slowly penetrated my half-asleep body as Cheng assisted me in standing up. My body felt cold and heavy; my head started spinning. I cupped my cheek and forced myself to stay awake; I couldn't pass out again and make him worry.

"A customer; I think he was a doctor," Cheng replied, confused by my reaction. "He had a call and said that there was an emergency in the hospital, so he had to rush out. Why?" when I failed to give a proper answer due to my incapacity of putting a sentence together, he sighed and didn't insist, "Better get out of here; you need to rest. Can you walk?" I nodded, noticing a slight relief in his expression. I could only imagine how bothersome I was to him... I had to get better fast.

I stood wobbling from time to time against an empty table while Cheng grabbed our belongings before heading out, leaving me behind a few steps. Still feeling dizzy, I tried to follow him at his pace even though my legs felt numb and unstable. The little energy gathered seemed to drop all at once, and before I could even realise it, my mouth moved before anything else. "Cheng!" I complained, alarmed when I was about to fall back. 

 As he turned, he jerked towards me and grabbed my hips firmly. "I got you," he reassured me as his face got so close that I could feel his warm and pleasant breath on my lips. The smell of roasted coffee and cinnamon milk made me a bit queasy, but somehow I couldn't resist the temptation of getting closer and tasting it myself... if it wasn't for Cheng breathing in uncomfortably and leaning me against one side of his body. He then wrapped an arm around my shoulders, sustaining me as we walked outside the shop.

"Cheng…" I lamented without any strength left, renouncing to conclude my sentence. I felt so tired... I couldn't move anymore. My voice clearly showed how distressed I was because Cheng promptly pushed me closer to him, even though we were already glued together. A sense of protection began to warm up my frozen body, providing comfort that I forgot what felt like. I was thankful to have encountered such a kind and generous person like him; I felt truly blessed. Even though I didn't deserve all that luck, that fortunate fate made us meet, and I felt somewhat reassured.

Taken by a moment of mildness, I grasped the back of his sweater under his jacket and held my breath instinctively, secretly hoping that nobody was bothered to look and judge us. I closed my eyes to focus more on isolating all the myriad voices, screams and whines that came from the back of my head, which ordered me to let him go and let him walk away before it was too late, but...

But I couldn't, not now. I wanted, yearned, for warmth. Maybe it was because I felt sick, so I dropped my act and defences, or because I'd reprimed myself for it for so long that now I couldn't resist it anymore. I wanted to give the blame to the voices in my head that whined, 'Just a bit more, just a few hours more...' but I couldn't give them all the blame. I desired it too. But I promised myself that as soon as I felt better, I would let him go to keep him safe. Safe from me and whatever I bring to people as soon as they get close.

I was so focused on repeating those phrases that my body didn't even register Cheng's hand pushing my head gently on his shoulder. I shivered at the touch and at the cold hair that seemed to slap my face at every step we made. His silence was so tense that I didn't dare to break it, even though I felt quite comfortable in it as I didn't have any energy to say something like 'I'm sorry for what happened' and 'I will make sure to take care of my health from now on'.

I lost consciousness again because when I regained it, I felt dragged into an odourless, quiet and warm place. Cheng's body heated up at the change of atmosphere, making it uncomfortable for me to stay next to him.

"Are you okay?" he asked apprehensively, lifting me a bit as his grip diminished its strength. I wonder how long I was unconscious; it must have been extraneous raising me all the way. I must do something to pay back all he did to me before I left him. He deserved it. 

"Mh..." I mumbled as I opened my eyes, facing a somewhat pleasing encounter with his neck. I raised my head from his shoulder, scrutinising his profile. Does he not feel uncomfortable with me? Why does he care? Was he faking it? Did I have to expect some sort of blackmail or...?

Even through all those damaging accusations and assumptions, my lips couldn't help but lift themselves upward. I realised I couldn't think negatively about Cheng when I was that close. It was like all my thoughts tossed themselves out of my brain and occupied that space with him. But as soon as I stepped back, the reality would overwhelm me, and the usual cycle of negativity would begin. It was unusual how my days would brighten when he made his way into them.

"I'm sorry for today, I-"

"Don't worry," he interrupted me, trying to mask his weary breath. Cheng pressed the lift's button furiously, which seemed to take ages to arrive. I should move away from him; he got tired because of me once again. "I've been watching you all day, and I noticed that something was off," he added, turning slightly to the side to face me. He only smiled, and yet I felt so small and unworthy all of a sudden. He followed me enthusiastically all day without complaining, not even when we got drenched by the rain or when I tried to cut all the conversation just so that I could feel better about myself. 

I couldn't help but feel sorry for how it ended up. I should have forced myself to eat something at the university canteen, and maybe all that wouldn't have happened. We could have spent a nice late afternoon together, chatting over our coffee or tea and then going our separate ways. Isn't that the way things should be and develop? An ordinary meeting with a classmate after an overwhelming day at university.

"Maybe it's a virus; I got that too when I arrived here. It's like your body needs to adjust to the air of this place, if you know what I mean." Cheng said as he cursed once again. I knew what he meant as I had it when I moved to another country when I was little, but that was different. But I couldn't bring myself to tell him.

The lift doors finally opened, and the mirror inside reflected our figures clenched together, making me realise how much I was making him endure, "Sorry," I mumbled, pulling myself inside the lift and resting on the opposite side, avoiding his gaze. I felt so hot. 

I was bothering him with my discomfort... and it was a matter of time before he would get tired of me and toss me aside.

Cheng was about to say something but didn't, taking his place quietly next to me, even though that time, our bodies were distant in those two meters per two cabin. He pressed his floor button on the grey plastic display and patiently waited for the doors to open again, remaining silent for the ascent.

When the doors slid open, he looked back only to ensure that I was following him, even though I was trying to hide the fact that I was hyperventilating. My heart raced so fast against my chest that I wanted to open it and remove it myself.

As Cheng opened his apartment door, something stung my nostrils... A metallic smell that made me want to throw up. Overwhelmed, I covered my nose and ordered myself to calm down. I was alright; I had to be. I was tired of feeling like an idiot that needed care and attention from others.

"Chin Mae?" Cheng grabbed the side of my face gently. He tried to look into my eyes, but I avoided him by shaking my head.

"I need air; I can't breathe-" I huffed as I clenched my chest. I knew I sounded stupid because what I was saying contrasted with my actions. Still, I was glad that Cheng heaved me without questioning and, as he distended me on his bed and opened his bedroom window. Chilled air soon entered the room, allowing me to relax slowly.

"Come here," Cheng lifted my upper body and placed himself behind me, allowing his legs to hold me on both sides. With a gentle touch, he guided me to lay back, finding my body to adhere to his. "Don't worry, you have me now," he whispered, making me notice a wet cloth on his hand. "Use this; breathe through here," he instructed me as I saw his hand reddening. 

I took deep breaths as he cupped the cloth on my nose and mouth. Cheng's other hand brushed my tensed shoulder, trying to calm me down. "Are you feeling a bit better?" he asked, worried, as I lifted my head to look up.

"Y-yeah," I hummed, trying to steady my breath that still didn't. "Thanks." I wanted to spend a few more words to thank him properly, but I felt lifeless against his warm body. I wanted to ensure he was also alright, as I bothered him all day, but my mind was completely lost.

"Mh-hm," Cheng nodded as my eyes half-closed, finally taking my time to recharge. But when I felt the cloth absent, I widened my eyes and tensed up again. I didn't want to smell that thing again, whatever it was. 

"No-!" I rued, grabbing his wrist forcibly. Cheng only pointed at the transparent bowl of ice and water on the night table without explaining. "Sorry..." I mumbled and quietly went back to shame myself and what I did. I closed my eyes, too tired to be alert of the surroundings. 

After Cheng immersed the cloth into the iced water and lifted it back up to drain the excess, the sound of the pouring down water absorbed me into a safe space, making me unable to fight back and stay awake. Cheng started to hum a calming tune, arranging the cloth back over my nose, and I inhaled sharply as I could finally breathe.

"It's okay... I will look after you, Chin Mae," he reassured me as I let his voice cradle me into a void that made me forget everything that I was worried about. Worthless were my attempts to stay awake and confess to him how sorry I was for everything that had happened since we met. 

"I'm here for you," he whispered in my ear as he brushed the line of my eyebrows that were crunched. "I'm here."