I met Theo last summer when I was visiting my cousin Lucas.

A whole year had passed with me as his roommate, and still I wondered as to how I knew so little about him, despite living with him for so long.

He was more than an adventurous spirit, he was also a sociable one too. I couldn’t tell just how many friends the young man had, though I knew he outmatched me in that category by a landslide.

What really struck me about him though, was that he was a loyal friend. I agreed wholeheartedly that I would never acquire so many acquaintances as he, and nor would I ever be as good of a person as he was towards them.

We were, in a way, complete opposites. The only thing that stayed the same between us was that we had no idea how to read each other. That was, presumably, the one thing I wished I was good at. Because, although he was a great roommate and friend, I for one had a slight problem when it came to people in general.

Yes. I was the type of person who fell in love too easily.

Theo, on the other hand, never mentioned anything of the sort. Though, on occasion, I had heard him discuss the people he’d dated before, but only in rare times when his bright demeanor slipped just the tiniest bit.

It was in those times when I fully recognized that we’d grown into even better roommates. Trust was slowly growing between us. And I found that I really treasured this new friend of mine.

Theo.

Well, I had told him that I couldn’t fall in love—that was partly true. To me, love at first sight wasn’t actually love, no matter how much I called it that. Yes, I fell for people constantly, but was any of it considered real?

The moment I offered him a place in my house, as my roommate, I saw how selfish I was in doing so. Now, he was determined to make me truly fall in love. How? I wasn’t sure. Like I’d disclosed before, I never could read him.

And to make matters complicated, he’d said the most outrageous thing a few weeks back, when we’d been sitting on the rooftop of the building, staring at the clear night sky after a day of long, April showers.

He’d turned to me then, sitting on the ground with his arms wrapped around his legs, curly hair tousled in the warm wind. “I should just try and make you fall in love with me, then.”

Theo had said that with the most innocent intention, I couldn’t help but stay quiet.

That was months ago, and he still was determined in his quest. I had given him the okay, and he had given me his—yet, we’d done absolutely nothing obvious to actually make each other fall in love. We were just . . . friends.

This was what I thought earlier in the day, as I used a large pair of scissors absent-mindedly to cut up junk mail left behind from my grandmother when she’d owned the building. Unfortunately, as I was clearly distracted, I’d cut a little too much, so much that I sliced my ring finger slightly, though not enough to actually bleed.

Theo, unsurprisingly, pulled me to the side and began scolding me gently for not paying attention. He was saying all of this to me, as he unwrapped a translucent bandage from the bathroom cabinet, laying it atop my finger, and then wrapping it so that it could stop the non-existent bleeding.

I appreciated the help, but it was no cause for alarm.

“Ah, geez.” He muttered, making sure the bandage was securely on. He handled me with great care. “Please be careful, Felix . . .”

Nearly everyone he knew had received nicknames from him, except for people who were older than us. Though for some inexplicable reason, he never gave me one. Rather than being jealous, I really liked it when he called me by my full name. But I would never tell him that.

“Mon cher, forgive me.” Of course, that didn’t mean I couldn’t give him a term of endearment. He actually brightened when I spoke French.

Theo continued to grumble, brows furrowing, “I’ll help you while you recuperate.” He spoke as if my injury was dire. “In the meantime—”

The young man grabbed a new bandage, unwrapping the protective paper to layer it over his own ring finger too. When it was placed as securely as mine, he lifted his hand in the air between us, and even took my hand as well.

Our fingers were both rough. Mine, from the construction this house underwent. And he, from all the stories he’d told me of his travels. I always wondered how he could keep so many memories and adventures in that small frame of his.

“We’re matching now.” He beamed at me.

I looked down at him, replying with a subtle smirk. “Thanks to you.” I knocked my hand against his softly, “Is this what you meant by making me fall in love with you?”

His eyes shined, like the idea of it was great. “That’s a good idea.”

“ . . . so it wasn’t intentional?” I ran a hand through my fringe, amused by his observation.

“You haven’t forgotten that I promised you that?” He beamed once more at the fact. Had it just been me who was questioning if this was still going forward? “Can I do more?” The small jump he did as he said so was enough to make me nod in agreement.

“I already said you can do whatever you want with me, Theo.” I told him.

He gave me a thumbs up. “Me too. Try your best, Felix. I’m ready.”

That wasn’t romantic at all. Endearing? Admittedly, yes.

My smirk grew even wider.

This was dangerous. I hadn’t blatantly said anything about how I felt towards him. I refused to tell myself any of that, for fear that my suspicions were true.

I leaned on the sink counter, arm sliding across the marble finished surface to lean towards him, though not close enough to actually do anything other than to catch a closer look at him.

From where I was, I could read the small freckles dotted along the bridge of his nose, and his prominent cupid’s bow that curved whenever he smiled. Theo was cute indeed.

But appearance aside, he was, honestly, the kindest person I ever knew, and I ardently admired him for that.

I was, as some people called it—in love with him.

Felix, are you really?

That was up to me to find out. And for Theo, well, he didn’t have to know. He already knew that I had problems in that field.

“Would you mind if I attempt anything now?” I kept my distance, but he surprised me by staying in place, not moving the slightest. He didn’t appear the least bit intimidated by my request.

He tugged at the end of my buttoned shirt, fingers rubbing at the cotton material. If there was one thing that I did pick up on him, it was that I noticed how he spoke more with his actions than with his words. “Is that what you want?” He asked me sincerely.

“I’m not sure.” I replied truthfully, watching him as he studied me calmly. “I’m pretty sure I’d want what you want, Theo.”

He pursed his lips, tilting his head at an angle to lay atop my arm, so that he could look up at me more closely. I nearly pulled back, thinking that he was much too close. “I want to help you find what you’re looking for.”

“And what exactly is that?” I asked him.

Love? Friendship?

“Home.” He said, instead.

It left me at a loss for words. Unlike all the things I’d revealed to him, I never hinted that I felt homesick. Was it so visible that others could see it? “Are—are you sure about that?”

Theo let go of my shirt to play with my jacket collar instead, twisting at one of the golden buttons. “I don’t think your thoughts are on love, Felix.”

His words were straightforward, as they always were. He never sugar-coated anything, not unless the subject was too severe. In this case, homesickness was something I tried to avoid, more so than falling in love.

“I’ve travelled extensively.” I explained. “I’m fine.”

“I know you’ve travelled, but this is something completely new. This is making a new home, here.” His hand patted my jacket pocket, right over my heart.

I stared at him, unaware that my eyes had widened at his words. He was getting better at finding me out. In a way, knowing how much he could see inside me was scary.

Collecting myself, I ruffled his curly head, “You’re doing wonders to me, dear Theo. I’m afraid I have only you to worry about, more so than any of this nonsense.”

Theo tugged at my collar, “But then again, isn’t love what home really is?”

I pondered for a second there, staring into our contrasting eyes. Mine blue, his brown. Before, I would’ve confessed to him instantly. But ever since my grandmother had left me her boarding house, I grew more and learned that I much preferred getting to know someone before blindly falling in love. Theo was the ultimate exception.

There was never a time I was a big admirer of my grandmother, since she’d been absent for most of my life. Though I was grateful now for the opportunity she presented to me.

Leaving behind my childhood home in France was a huge blow. I still felt it after a year of living far away from my family. That's why I’d invited in my cousins so eagerly. 

I sent him a warm smile, ruffling his hair once more and relishing in the way he merely stared on at me, “Love is home, I guess.”

He did the same to me, unsettling my slicked back locks of hair until I was looking at him through a curtain of yellow bangs. He was as close as ever. I could see the curves of his round, dry lips.

“I like it here.” He said quietly. “Don’t you?”

“I miss France, and my family.” I responded with a melancholic tone. “But Damon is here, and Lucas, and Lewis.”

And you, Theo.

Theo hooked his arm around mine, steering me out of the bathroom until we were face to face in the next room, my bedroom. It was an exact copy of his, small but comfortable, with floor to ceiling, paneled windows that overlooked the fountain and garden below.

As it was later in the afternoon, the sun was halfway gone, encasing the walls in colors of orange and pink. My white, wrinkled sheets were even drenched gold in the remnants of sunlight.

He took a step away from me so that his lower back hit the foot of my bed, dragging me along. My hands fisted at the metal railing behind him, caging him in. “I’m sorry.” He brushed his fingers at my jaw. “Lewis told me something similar yesterday.”

“And you?” I closed my eyes as he knocked his head on mine gingerly. “Don’t you ever get homesick?”

“I got used to not having a home.” The smile on his face didn’t match the words he spoke. I’d heard from him that he grew up without having his parents around most of the time. I couldn’t imagine what it was like for him.

I traced the design of the railing, “I’m sorry.”

“We shouldn’t apologize for anything.” He advised, bright smile widening. Just how could he radiate such sunny energy? “My top goal is helping you fall in love.”

“With you?”

“With me.” He said.

“ . . . why?” I asked. “Are you in love with me?”

Theo shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You . . . don’t know . . .” I gave up and laughed at that. “We don’t have to do this.”

Theo kept his hand at the side of my face, drawing me in. “I am serious, Felix.”

“And I believe you, Theo.” It was hard not to.

The thing that ailed me the most about this, was that even though I’d fallen in love with him early in our friendship, I wasn’t sure if it was actually love or if it was something else. I’d been in love before, but all of them were unique in their own ways. It was hard to distinguish all the feelings I felt in the past.

This time . . . felt somehow different. I had no idea why, or even how.

At least someone else in this house knew Theo more than me. Maybe they would care to give me some advice.

My thumb rubbed at the bandage on my ring finger, whilst I looked down at his own. “Do whatever you like.” I took his hand and shook it. He didn’t have to help me with anything. Really.

His grip was firm. “Let me see what I can do, then.”

You’ve already done enough.

I didn’t say my thoughts aloud. I didn’t say anything else aloud. There was no need to, yet.

I found my cousin at the edge of the garden, pacing back and forth like something troubling was on his mind. He hadn’t seemed to notice I’d shown up, so when he did look up, he stumbled in front of me, hand gripping the ledge of the close fountain.

Unbothered by his antics, I sat myself down on the stone foundation, basking in the cool spray of water it produced in the midst of this stuffy night. It was visible we were both bothered by something.

Lewis sat too, on the opposite end. “Felix.” He greeted me resolutely.

“Cousin.” I greeted him back.

We stayed there, in comfortable, familiar silence. Family was definitely different, compared to talking with friends.

“What’s up with you?” He questioned, reading the tense air. That strange telepathy I had with all my cousins was still strong.

I brushed off his concerns, “No matter.” I said. “How are you? Have you slept well?”

His face grew hollow. He could be so dramatic. “Y-Yeah . . .”

Who could blame him. This was a new home for him. I remember the first time I stayed in the house, I almost bought plane tickets to return to France.

I reached out to place a hand on his shoulder, but stopped when he continued in a much lower voice, “I didn’t even get any sleep last night thinking about him.”

I raised a brow, “Him?”

He perked up, “Nothing.” His voice grew louder, rushed. “It. I was trying to say ‘it’, not ‘him’. Why would I?”

Okay . . .

Maybe it was best not to ask.

Bringing up his boyfriend to dispel this sudden nervousness in him was the best thing I could think of. “And Ro? How is he?”

If anything, his face grew even more gaunt. “ . . . oh . . . Art . . .”

Had they fought? I hadn’t seen them enough to see their chemistry and dynamics. I had no clue what they were like together. I only hoped everything was alright.

“He’s been staying with his uncle for the past few days . . .” His foot kicked at the gravel below. “But he’s coming back here to move in. He’ll see me in the morning, so that we can . . . go on our . . .”

I waited to hear the last of that sentence, but he didn’t continue.

Thankfully, Damon appeared from around the corner, just as wordless as we were, and sat right next to me, hands folded in front of him. The only person who was missing from this family gathering was our youngest cousin Lucas.

Damon had read my thoughts. “I know what you’re thinking, but I don’t think Lucas should sit with us right now.” He too sounded like a lot was on his mind. “He already has his happy ending. Let’s not taint it.”

I clasped a hand on his shoulder. “Are you saying we won’t get ours?”

“I’m saying we have a long, painstaking way to go to see if we’ll even get one.” Damon said boldly.

Lewis sighed at that. I merely pouted.

“You are correct.” I replied. “It seems like we have our own issues.”

“Then can I count on you guys for advice?” He asked.

Lewis cut in, “Blood is thicker than water.”

We exchanged looks, and then began to laugh quietly at that statement. They were here with me, so why did I still feel homesick?

I guessed I would have to figure that out on my own.

But–

At least we had each other.