Does he know all the people he has left in the misfortune of life? Does he know the pain he has put in hearts?

When someone decide to leave someone's life, I do not think they know the consequences of their actions. I do not think they know exactly what it will involve. I know that all the relationships are not eternal, that there are commas, semi-colons and unfortunately points. But some stories are made to last, to live eternity, so why do some people decide to break that eternity? Why do they decide it's time to impose the last point? What right do they think they have to do that? First of all, do they have the right? Did they consult the second person who shares the story before writing the last point? Did they ask the opinion of the other?

When a person decides to leave, to abandon, without really knowing it, another person, do they know the harm they do? Do they know that they break a heart? If so do they feel the pain they are doing? Do they feel their heart tear in thousand pieces? Do they care or do they not care?

Besides, is not it selfish? Why only the person who decides to break the link has something to say? Why only them have the right to choose?

I have to say it: he abandoned me. Deep down I know he did not want to do it. If he had found the right answers, if he had found a solution he would have stayed. I know that, but that does not change the fact that he decided to leave without consulting me. He did not ask me if I agreed. He did not ask me if it was fair, as mush for him as for me. He did not ask me if I wanted to follow him. He did not ask me how I will feel. He did not ask me anything. He just left without a word. He took his bags and he did not deign to say goodbye.

I'm not sad, angry because he decided to leave me, but because he gave me no reason for his departure. I do not know why he decided to do such a thing. I do not know why he decided not to say goodbye to me.

I think that's the reason for me anger, that he did not have the courage to say goodbye. In a way, the reasons do not matter to me because I know that I know them in the depths of my heart. I just wanted to hear his voice one last time. Only one word. Or even just see him. He would not have needed to talk. By only looking into his eyes I would have understood. I only needed that, and he forbade it. I blame him for leaving me without a goodbye. Being the light of each other, I deserved this gift. He simply removed it from my hands.

Unfortunately I am not the only one to have been hurt by his departure. He broke thousands of hearts that day. Today, does he know the number of friends he has left behind with his smile or laugh? Today, does he know that the lights of the stage will not be lit again? Does he know that the hall will never be filled again with screams and joy? Today, does he know that he has left an uncertain future in dozens of hearts?

But that's not the only thing that concerns me. It's not just his silence that makes me wonder. Although he had his family, his friends, the people who worked for him and me in his life, that did not stop him from ending his life. So I wonder: if he would have found the right person, would he have died? If he would have found the person who would have given him more light, one or the reason to live, to continue to fight, if he would have found the person who would have removed all the darkness that lived in him, would he have died? Would they have succeeded to save him? Or was it simply written in fate, in the sense that nothing or nobody could have changed the end? Every day I wonder: if there would have been the possibility of reading another end, if he had had the opportunity to meet them, would things have been different?

I just wanted him to leave us a message telling us the reasons for his act. I wanted to know, but especially understand his gesture. And even if he would have left us a letter, a note would he have written his true reasons?

But there was no letter, no message after his death. Just silence and endless emptiness.