It's scary to feel close to someone again. I don't know what took over me the day of the diner. But it was like my mouth was on autopilot. Confessing many things, talking and chatting as if we were friends. I shouldn't be getting close, but for some reason, he doesn't seem to care that I have so many flaws. He listened and responded instead of just nodding and saying “Im sorry” or “That sucks”.

But that's how it all starts. Seems to be interested, but when the one thing is a common occurrence they become impatient. “It's been months now. Get over it.” It's not something to just get over. I can't just switch it off when I have bad days. I can't help it sometimes.

Is it ok to just accept this friendship for the small time I have? I honestly do not know. But secretly… I want to.

…………...

“Zaire, I need help dude.” Joziah groaned as we were driving down the road. “My girl finally has some time off and I need help on what to do for her.”

I changed lanes in the patrol car, then answered him. “Yeah, I'm not the master at love, Ziah.” I chuckled.

“Babe, you literally had a girl for ten years, obviously you did something right.”

“Emphasis on the word ‘Had’,” I finger quoted.

Joziah nudged my head playfully. “Seriously. We usually just stay in and have sex. I'm not a romantic. At all.”

I roll my eyes, “Why am I not surprised. Okay, why not cook with her. Cook her favorite meal, and dessert. Then slow dance around the kitchen to a love song. Then finish with slow passionate sex.” I shrugged and I recalled how Natalie loved when I cooked with her once. She was home for two days and I surprised her. Sex was as it was. Terrible. Couldn't get it up to save my life. She ended up leaving the next day instead of the day after.

“You… are a fucking genius babe! I mean that is a great idea. I'm not a great cook, but with her help we can do it. Thanks.”

I smirk, “ I know I'm the greatest. One day someone will appreciate my ideas!” I dryly laughed.

Joziah gave my shoulder a squeeze, “Well, I know I appreciate your idea. Truly.”

That's a first.

"Have you thought about my other suggestion?" I asked him.

He raises his eyebrow in confusion.

"The one where you need closure with your dad? Have you spoken to your mom about it? Siblings?"

He shrugs, "No siblings. My mom doesn't like talking about him so I don't bother. But to answer your question I have, and I'm just not ready."

I nod and give him a reassuring smile. "Well, why not ask Bridgette to go? I think this would be a good idea for bonding between you guys."

"I'm not sure. She gets funny. She has met my mom. My mom is the owner of a makeup company called Self Love. It's all organic or whatever. I tried talking to Bridgette about my dad, she said that if he wanted to be around then he would and not to worry about it."

I rub my beard and think.

"It's true that if he wanted to be there he would, but what if he is respecting your wishes and is just giving your space and waiting for you to reach out?"

He rolls his eyes, "What would your dad have done?"

What would he have done?

"Well, my relationship with him was different. We were always close. But he knew when to give me space and knew when to open his mouth. I think, if I told him I didn't want to talk to him, he would give me space. Let me come to him when I am ready."

"I am 25 about to turn 26, and I'm complaining about my dad like a 15 year old," he chuckles, "but… what if I will never be ready to face him?"

"I think one day you will be. But if not, then let be what may," I turn to him and run my fingers through his hair, "But if you decide to do it, and Bridgette is being a bitch, then I'll go."

"Thanks Zaire."

"No problem." I pause and chuckle, "So you're rich huh?"

He laughs and shakes his head, "Nah, my mom is. I will inherit whatever when she dies but I don't get anything from her. Sure she runs a million dollar corporation. But I don't mooch."

"Same. My parents saved and invested over the years. My mother never had to work and my dad worked because he loved to. We are pretty well off but after Nat and I got settled I cut myself off. Nat was supportive but… after a few months things went sour."

"How so?"

I parked the car at our usual gas station, "Well, after the cut off, when her job took off, she said she wanted to pay for her stuff and I for mine. We split the bills but whatever was left of our cash was ours to do with. I barely ever had much left, and I never really knew what she had. I never asked because she was touchy with it."

He groans, "Wow. How long before the engagement did that happen?"

"2 years before. It was tough for a bit, we were really bad with money for a while. Well, she was. She would buy random shit… just blow money on stuff we didn't need."

"Sounds like Bridgette. She is the same way. Her money, her rules."

"To me personally, I wish it wouldn't have been mine or hers it would have been ours and if we wanted to buy something we asked one another. Not like small shit, but like.. okay one time before we decided that, she bought some type of paint from overseas, that was over five hundred per tube. She spent 2 grand without asking. Stuff like that. Be considerate."

"What did you say to her?"

I gripped the steering wheel tightly, "Nothing. Not a damn thing. I was a coward. We were behind rent for almost 3 months, and I had to work overtime."

I got out and walked into the store with Joziah by my side. We got our usual stuff. Him a coffee and water (no candy today since he is in a good mood) and me a water and protein bar.

We get back in the car and our conversation continues.

"You're not a coward. You were just a push over." He takes a sip of his shit drink.

"Thanks babe. That really strokes the ego."

He laughs his deep laugh and smiles, "You don't seem like it anymore."

I shake my head. "I had to change, for myself."

"Well, I enjoy who you…"

Our radios start to go off and interrupt Joziah. “Dispatch to Patrol 568, what is your location?”

He reached for the walkie and responded, “Patrol 568 to Dispatch, we are on Kipper Avenue headed North.”

There was a pause, “Patrol 568, continue north and head toward downtown to Sector 32…”

My heart froze. “There are shots fired. And are requesting assistance from you guys.”

“10-4, Patrol 568 in route.” Joziah responded as he switched on the lights.

My breathing becomes uneven. “Zaire, calm down. I know this is your sector… Marcus will be fine.”

I ignore him as I speed up. “Kids… please… I hope you did not do something stupid.”