I walked down the cold hallways although packed and loud to me they were oddly lonesome and quiet. In my head all I could hear was the quiet steps coming from my feet lightly pecking the concrete ground. My dirty blonde hair often got in my eyes as such I found it best to look at my feet it was a strange habit of mine I've had since young. I am not so tall only average my eyes are like an aqua and to be honest if you asked for my name I would not be able to answer you. I've lived for too long and no that is not me pretending to be old or cool and no i do not have eighth grade syndrome. Quite the opposite I wish I had it instead of what I have now. I believe I had a real name once upon a time but nowadays people just call me Aue. It sounds strange and for some reason it makes me feel slightly upset but that just tells me that I am still human if I can still feel emotion that is good enough for me.
My shoulder had jolted back and to my surprise there she was my only friend. Stephanie not only was she beautiful with her long brown hair and eyes with her slightly tanned skin but she was also intelligent, rich and popular it was almost a joke to think she was friends with me on the opposite side of the scale. It's not like I'm not unknown in fact everyone knows me but i get the feeling no one likes me. It's not like I have made an effort for them to like me though. I feel that it is more painful to get attached only for them to disappear and hurt you. I know all too well what that feels like. At least I think so its hard to say due to my fuzzy memory though. I do this a lot I get lost and thought and then just pop back into reality and there we are. She handed me my books all the while smiling her usual grin that exposed her blinding white teeth.
"be more careful you're gonna ruin these books what would your mother say?"
"oh haha, you're right I'll be more careful"
She walked away with her group chatting while slowly disappearing into the crowd. Every time we talked my chest burned and my head felt like it was going to blow I am yet to understand these emotions. Just like that I came back to and somehow I ended up back at the house I am living at. That's right when you are immortal a few hours feel like a measly few seconds that is just the way it is. If I have failed to explain that then that's why I cant remember my name. I have lived for far too long. Just like with old people my brain just replaces the memories that are not needed so I can stay conscious much like a computer when the memory is too full it fails to function. I am very similar.
I have tried multiple ways to kill myself. Poison, seppuku, noose, execution by bullet, drowning, burning. You name it I've tried it.
People say that burning is the most painful, but I found that I did find slowly freezing to death quite the competitor. Your body starts to become unable to move, your lungs burn while you struggle for air and you slowly feel your organs shutdown your head pounds from the headache you feel and your skin rips of if you so much as scrape it on anything.
'Sorry dear reader it appears that I have done it yet again. Sometimes I forget that this is indeed a diary and not my head, being old does that to you.'
My stomach growled it is strange I do not need to eat but if I don't the strangest thing happens I won't divulge just yet what it is. I feel it isn't necessary to.
My legs dragged me to my fridge and whamo I had a shredded pork sandwich with gravy. My days are so mundane and to be honest quite the pain to live through. I am signing off for now.
Guys. Nevermind. I went back to school and I saw the strangest thing.
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