«Let people think what they want to think. They do not know what you are living, what is really going on in your daily life. The most important thing is that you must remember that you are never alone. Nobody is ever alone.»

When we are in a bad way, when a long and tiring day comes to an end, even closing your eyes is not enough. When a hot summer day is like a cold, rainy day of winter, watching people smile, listening to happy music is not enough to take away the loneliness that covers our hearts. When life seems so insignificant, wondering whether it is worth living it is meaningless.

When the bright light of existence is covered by the dark smoke of darkness, hearing the encouragement of people around us is like trying to catch the air. This is useless. What is a «Keep fighting!», «You can do it!», «I am wholeheartedly with you!», «You can count on me!», «I am here.» can bring? Can those sentences help disperse this smoke? Can they kill the darkness? Are they able to make this light shine even stronger? No. Most of the time, it accentuates the darkness that slowly pushes a person's body into their grave.

When the good weather turns into rain, it is not messages of hope that we want. This is not encouragement. It's not about whether or not we are able to move foward. Because through this darkness, we know we are capable of it. It is not whether or not the «you» will be there. Because even if we do not go through those periods alone, sadly we fight on our own and knowing that this «you» is there does not change the situation. It is unfortunately the walls that do not allow our cries to be heard by the whole world.

In those days of darkness, I should have been the voice that said he did not need to go futher. The voice that forbade him to cross a new obstacle. The voice that would constantly tell him that he was alone because the sad truth is that we are always all alone. I should have bury him with these hurtful remarks, so maybe he would have had the strength to fight. Perhaps he would have thought of showing me the exact opposite of what my mouth was saying. Perhaps it would have been his strength to stay alive. To prove that people around him were wrong.

It does not matter how we should have encouraged him, no matter if we had brought more light into his heart or trampled on it until there was nothing left. The fact that remains important is that his mask of happiness was so real that it misleaded us all. His tears, his face devastated by fear, tiredness, distress, and cries had been disguised by the perfection of his smiles, laughter, and eyes that shone with life.

And even if I had seen how broken he was, even telling him that he would always have me, that I would not abandon him, that we would move forward together hand in hand, today these same words sound wrong. Even thinking them strongly, they have the mark of falsity. Too many people say them without thinking a single word of these sentences. Like the sentence «I love you», these words have lost their meaning, being as banal as the air we breathe.

If he would still be here, in front of me. Whether he wears the mask or dares to show me his true face, it does not matter because if I had known... If I had only seen, then I would not have told him that he had to fight, that I would be there by his side, that it was not a one-on-one fight. No, I would not have told him that. I would not have encouraged him. I would not have spoken to him in a soft, calm voice. No, my voice would have been devastated and filled with tears. It would not have remained calm and sweet. It would have been strong and determined.

If he had the courage to open the door of his darkness, if he had the strength to lower the barriers that prevented him from completely resting on me, then I would have shouted at him in a loud voice:

                                                           Do not survive!

                                                                    Live!