Dear Ruby,

Do you remember your cat? You weren’t thinking of him then, were you?

You weren’t thinking of any of us, were you?

Butters. He misses you, you know.

Those first few days, it’s as if he knew. He refused to eat, barely drank anything, and wouldn’t leave your bed.

I remember he was never a mean cat, but after you died… he bit Jasper when he tried to move him, and he hissed at our parents

I don’t know when it changed, but one day I woke up to him sitting on top of me, and since then I guess he’s mine now.

I never wanted the responsibility of a pet, but I’m the only one he’ll let touch him.

I think I remind him of you, you remember how Uncle Hank always said we looked like twins? Well, I guess Butters thinks the same thing.

But if I’m being honest, I don’t mind his company so much, even if he is a bed hog. Seriously, he steals pillows, did you know that? But he’s warm… and well… he’s here.

Daddy hasn’t been home in nine days. He started spending all his time at work. I think he doesn’t want to come home now because Mom’s rearranged the living room twice.

The last time he was home, they got into a fight, he said she was wasting money. She’d bought a new couch.

When Mom’s home, she’s not really here, you know. It’s like a part of her went missing. Sometimes I find her late at night, sitting in front of your bedroom door, holding that little pillow you sewed her when you were seven.

She doesn’t cry or anything. She sits there… staring.

Sometimes I pretend I haven’t seen her.

We haven’t had dinner together since you died. Not once. Everyone comes and goes as if they’re rushing. I’m not even sure there’s food in the fridge right now.

Remember how hopeless Mom was in the kitchen? With Daddy not cooking, well I don’t know what she’s eating. I’ve only been eating cereal and ramen at home.

Lots of people brought food the first week, the week none of us wanted to eat much of anything. Now that a lot more time has passed, well I guess they don’t think we need the food anymore.

Jasper doesn’t come home most nights. I don’t know where he’s sleeping, probably over at Harvey and Uncle Al’s. I catch him sneaking in some mornings, he won’t make eye contact with me anymore.

It’s your fault. You broke us. You were always so selfish. Everything was always about you, wasn’t it?

I hate that

I hate you.

But Butters… I’m kind of glad you got him.