He turns with a handful of clothes and slowly sets them down when he sees me.

“Hey.” I notice he’s got his art easel on the bed. “Are you painting again?”

He hasn’t painted since before Ruby died, back when him and Daddy got into a fight over going to art school over the Ivy League school Daddy had picked out for him. He ended up not going to either after he graduated, and just continued to work at Babbs, this little vintage store downtown.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says, stuffing the clothes in a backpack.

“Have you been staying at Harvey’s?”

I haven’t seen Harvey in a while either. Harvey is as much a big brother to me as Jasper is. He and Jasper became friends before I was even born because Daddy’s best friend is Harvey’s Dad.

Being raised by a single Dad, Harvey was over here all the time. He and Uncle Al are family in everything but blood – they even spend holidays with us.

But the last time I saw either of them was at the funeral. So much for being part of the family.

“Doesn’t matter,” Jasper repeats.

I stand and watch as he shoves more clothes into his bag. He goes to his desk and pulls out his paint brush case and his paint pallet.

“Daddy hasn’t been home in a few days,” I tell him. I know he’s been avoiding him; he was avoiding him even before Ruby died.

“Don’t care.”

“Have you talked to Mom any?” I ask him. She’s not home, so I’m assuming she went out somewhere. Her work gave her an extended bereavement leave and she’s been spending most of her time out shopping. Aunt Haley picks her up and then they’re usually out all day.

“What do you want, Violet?” he asks without looking at me.

What do I want? I want him to look at me. To talk to me. I want to know if he’s angry at her too. If he’s angry at our parents. I want him to tease me like he used to. I want him to paint again. I want him to remember that I exist.

But I don’t say any of that.

There’s a long moment of silence. The only sound, Butters’ purring. Jasper finishes putting everything in his bag without looking at me.

“Look, I’m going to be out of town for a while.” He shuffles from foot to foot in front of me as if he’s waiting for me to question him. So many questions bubble up. Where are you going? Why? When will you be back? Did you tell our parents?

Ruby would have had so many things to ask. She would have bombarded him with questions. 

Jasper and I have never been the biggest talkers in the family, but Ruby didn’t like silence. I don’t think she could stand it, honestly. If she wasn’t talking, she had this way about her that got us to talk to her, to each other. Ruby was the voice of all of us, in a way.

I swallow my questions. More than questioning him, I want to beg him to stay, beg him not to leave me alone in this house when barely anyone is ever here.

I want to grab on to his legs like I did as a kid to try to keep him from leaving me alone. I want to ask him to draw on my arms the way he always did when I was upset. I want my brother to acknowledge me.

But instead, I step aside as he passes me. I don’t say a word as he closes his door. I watch him walk down the hall and disappear downstairs.

Neither one of us even say bye.