Outside of the city lights, the sky is a blanket of sparkles. The sounds of the crackling fire, of crickets and bullfrogs, and the steady breathing of V beside me are all I hear.

The boys are crowded around where Sarge is grilling burgers. Even Gage is over there, as if there’s some sort of entertainment in watching the sizzling meat.

The smell of beef and onions mingles with that of campfire smoke.

V and I are laying in the grass, stargazing. By the light of the fire I can see that her usual headscarf is off. She notices my gaze and lets out a sort of harsh laugh.

“I admire that you haven’t asked yet. You’re a lot more polite than most, you know. You should’ve seen how rude Langston’s ex was,” she says.

I’ve been wanting to ask, yes, but really, it’s none of my business. Like Gage wearing long sleeves. I’m not going to ask, even if I’m curious.

“It’s like people feel entitled to know about my personal life just because I look different. I get the cancer question the most. Or people telling me they’re praying for me. When you don’t know what’s going on, it’s not as reassuring as you think it is, it’s just something to say so they feel better.”

I can kind of relate, at least in regard to Ruby.

“And besides, they have no way of knowing if I just like being bald, you know. So, it’s rude to ask. I have alopecia. There’s like a fifty-five percent chance that both twins will get it when one has it, so G lucked out… and I didn’t. I was diagnosed at 8 when my hair started thinning, and then I started losing clumps of it.”

V twirls her head scarf in the air as she talks, waving the silky fabric back and forth.

“I remember when I first found a bald spot, standing in front of the mirror and crying until Meka found me. I was fully bald around nine.”

Squealing laughter drifts over from where June is being chased by G, and we both watch as she runs around in circles before hiding behind Wade.

“I used to hide it under wigs. But they itch and they’re hot. I was more terrified of anyone knowing than a little discomfort. Then G asked to shave his head. He was such a goof… he thought my being bald was cool. At least, that’s what he said.”

Wade is running around carrying June now as G chases them both. It’s amusing to watch. It reminds me of when Ruby, Jasper, and I were younger, and Harvey would be over.

We’d all play chasing games in the backyard. Since I was the youngest, I would sometimes jump on Harvey or Jasper’s back while the others had to catch us.

“I think he wanted to let me know I wasn’t alone. And then Daddy shaved his head, and you can see Mama shaved a little of her head too.”

I glance over to where Meka is talking to Alice about something. They both talk with their hands and are wildly gesturing around as they get into the conversation.

“They didn’t tell me they were going to do that, but it’s been seven years now and they still have them.”

She sits up and trails a finger slowly over the grass before retying the scarf on her head.

“I won’t lie and say I stopped hiding my head completely, since it’s obvious I haven’t. I even got special permission to wear the headscarves at school, but… well, I kind of don’t mind it so much now, and in the future, maybe I won’t wear my scarves so much.”

V turns and smiles at me, twirling the end of the scarf over a finger.

“But you know they’re kind of gorgeous, so maybe I’ll wear them as headbands, or neck scarves, or something.”

I’m not really sure what to say to her. I think she might have wanted to talk to someone about it. I can’t imagine the feeling of losing my hair, and I’m not sure I would’ve been willing to let go of it, even if it was in support of Ruby or Jasper.

“Wade?” I ask after a moment, wanting to hit myself for being nosey as soon as the question is out.

“We’ve been dating for a year now, but we were friends a lot longer,” V says, not seeming to mind my question at all.

“He claims it makes it easier to not have hair, but he shaved his head when G did, so I think the two of them planned it together. Sweet, aren’t they?”

“You all are.” The words are out before I can stop myself.

“You know,” V says softly, “I won’t pry or anything, but if you ever want to talk, you know… about it…” She’s using the same tone I’ve heard my Aunt and Uncle use for bedtime with my little cousins. “Well, you can talk to me if you ever want to. I promise I can be good at listening, too. And I’m here for you.”

I’m here for you. I’ve heard that a lot over the past few weeks. I’ve written off most of the people who have used those words, but when she says it, I actually believe her.

I’m not sure I want to talk about anything yet, but I appreciate it. I don’t know how to convey that with my words though, to let her know that it means a lot that she’s not going to try to force me to talk, but I don’t get the chance to say anything before she’s talking again.

“And really, any of us will listen if you want. Not just me. Even G can be good at listening sometimes, though I know that might be hard to believe.” She gets this ramble quality to her voice, as if the serious subject is too much for her.

“And Gage, you can always talk with Gage. That boy is the best listener I know, and he’s a vault, believe me when I say whatever you tell him, he’ll never tell a soul. We’re all here for you, Vi.”

I feel a sort of warmth in my chest. My eyes are watery, but this isn’t the burn of sorrow. It’s nice, knowing I’m not alone if I don’t want to be. I’ve been alone a lot lately. And even though I used to prefer it, now I’m not so sure.

G yells out “s’mores!” and dives onto the ground beside us, passing a stick with a marshmallow already attached on it to both of us.

“The burgers are almost done, so don’t ruin your dinner!” Sarge yells.

“Dessert is always better first!” G argues, already toasting a skewer with three marshmallows on it.

“Who let him have the bag of marshmallows?” Sarge asks from his spot at the grill.

Holding her own stick with a marshmallow on the end, I can see Meka wink from across the fire.

“No idea,” she says, popping the toasted marshmallow onto a graham cracker.

“Speaking of Gage,” V says, leaning close to me so G can’t hear her, “I’m only going to play the mean girl once and warn you that if you hurt him, we won’t be so nice.”

“Hurt?” I asked, nearly choking on the bite I’d taken.

“I really like you already – figures Gage would have good taste; he needs to give G some tips—so that’s why I’m even warning you. We’ve known Gage for four years now, he’s been through some stuff that isn’t my place to share, so just… don’t break his heart, okay?”

The stick drops from my hand as I stare at her a moment. I think if it was anyone else but V, I would’ve been offended instead of just surprised. But V has this way about her that pulls you into her orbit.

And I can tell she’s being completely serious. Does she see that connection that I saw before? Or is it nothing more than wishful thinking?

“We just met. We barely even known each other, so I don’t think that’s a problem,” I tell her.

And it isn’t. But I won’t deny that I like Gage; but how I like him, I’m not so sure yet. But when I figure that out, he’ll be the first to know.

I definitely appreciate how easy it is to be around him. But breaking hearts and all that, I don’t think either of are the type to do that, even if something happened.

“Sometimes you don’t have to know someone for a long time to know them, you know.” V looks over to where Wade is roasting a marshmallow across the fire.

“You and Gage, there’s something about the two of you that we can all see.” V scrunches her face up as she thinks. “It’s like you both have this spirit about you. You’re survivors.”

Survivors.

The word echoes in my head

It strikes something in me, that could’ve been what I saw in Gage’s eyes that night that pulled me toward him.

Survivors.

A part of me wonders if he has moments where he wishes he hadn’t survived, too? If he would understand my inner turmoil, even when I don’t really understand it myself?

As if the serious topics never happened, V grabs the marshmallows from G, and they start an eating competition over who can make the most s’mores and consume them the fastest. Though with no one refereeing it appears that they’re just trying to get through the whole bag of marshmallows before anyone can stop them.

While V is distracted, Alice sits next to me and hands me a mug.

“It’s not as good at the café, and it’s decaf, but thought you might enjoy this.”

I taste it, and its sweet, with that hint of coffee and filled with foam. I wonder how she managed to make it out here.

“This is delicious,” I tell her.

“It’s called hand-beaten coffee, you mix instant coffee, sugar, and a bit of water, and stir it until it’s frothy and the coffee is completely dissolved, then you boil some milk, skimming the top and add a couple generous spoonful’s of your coffee mix.”

“That… is… a lot.”

Alice lets out a laugh.

“Not as much as it sounds, but something about mixing the instant coffee and boiling the milk makes it super frothy. I think it originated in India? There’s a cold version that went viral for a while there too. It’s a little therapeutic to make, honestly.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re totally my guinea pig, you know. I think you’re the only one out of this group that drinks coffee besides Gage, and Gage actually drinks it black. Gross, right?”

“So, you do recognize me.”

“Yeah, and I knew Jasper and Harvey, too. I’m from the same year as them. I’m not even surprised this group adopted you. Your brothers always talked about how sweet you are.”

I feel that warmth again, sliding over me. I didn’t know Jasper and Harvey talked about me.

Your brothers...

I watch V and G arguing over who’s winning, Wade roasting marshmallows for June, Langston and Meka over helping Sarge.

Watching all of them reminds me of how alone I am. That warmth dissipates as quickly as it came. My brothers might’ve cared at one point, but neither one of them have had anything to do with me since Ruby died.

I feel Alice staring at me and hide my face in the mug. The latte is warm and should be soothing, but it sinks right into my stomach.

Sarge yells out that burgers are ready, and everyone rushes over, the twins fighting over who will get there first.

After we eat, everyone takes turns telling scary stories, and V succeeds in freaking Langston out with a story about a creature from Inuit lore called “Qualupalik” that’s essentially an evil mermaid.

She tells us that it lures curious children to the ice with a humming noise, and then carries them below the water, keeping them in a cave to steal their life force, so it can live forever.

Wade’s story is a typical haunted house story, and G talks about Krampus. Langston tells a terrifying story about a girl becoming possessed by an old comb that’s novel worthy.

Alice’s story is about a woman driven mad by her own paranoia, and Gage’s story is so chilling and tragic in the fact that it’s something that could happen. It’s something that has happened, I’ve seen stories of it in the news.

He tells us about a man, from the man’s perspective of going about his day. And he ends up accidently killing his child by leaving them in the backseat of his car. Gage describes the horror that befalls him when he realizes what he’s done so well it’s almost like he’s experienced it.

Even I join in, telling a story I remember Ruby used to tell me about a girl picking up a hitchhiker.

I don’t let myself think of Jasper and Harvey again. I throw myself into this moment with these people.

The scary stories soon turn to funny ones, and the night is filled with laughter as we eat s’mores by the fire. It’s one of those nights that feels as if it lasts forever.

I kind of wish it could.