Nurtured minds filled the chairs inside the auditorium. Everyone wore their stale red gowns and caps with yellow tassels swaying back and forth. Bright, flush, faces overwhelmed the AC causing my gown to stick onto my skin like plastic wrapping. No matter how cold it gets, the immense discharge of hormones overrides the temperature. Every time I make friends our relationship is star-crossed to the point; I regret being friends with them. Here I sit alone with no one to kill time with.

Even with my tragic circumstances, at least for the last time, I’ll be able to sit near Emily Owens. Her black hair neatly caressed her face, with blue fierce eyes that would dwindle with each passing shadow. I’ve never had the chance to have a proper conversation with her. 

So I don’t know who she is, but I’ve seen how she is. She would always be in the same class that I would take. She barely talked with anyone and if she did, her responses was short and frank. This didn’t sit well for many, as a result they hated her guts. Something irked them the wrong way, especially when she stares right into their eyes when they talked to her, as if piercing through their hidden insecurities. I can’t blame them, if I were in their shoes, I‘d also be scared witless. I wouldn’t want a pair of eyes secretly judging me.

Yet, her whole persona softly pats my anxiety on the back, my social stress to be exact. Her silence bears much more than the meaningless chatter rammed with complaints from my friends. Her delicate gestures and restful expression reassured me, especially during AP Biology.

One would think that group projects would be her worst enemy, but contrary to what I saw, she was more than prepared. I got the chance to be in the same group with her during my second semester as a Junior. I was paired up with her and another girl for a presentation. This was back when she still had bangs and wore black hoodies every day. Our presentation was about the function of the brain. I was prepped to do my part just so I can impress her with my intellectual grasp on the logistics of dendrites and their functions. I’ll be considered so great in her eyes we’ll hit it off and get to know each other!

“I can work on this portion; will that be alright?” I asked Emily and the other girl. The girl barely nodded with almost no concern while scrolling through her phone. I was more than positive she was a flaker. Emily still scanned the assignment paper.

“I’ll work on this then.” Emily responded pointing to the explanation of neurotransmitters.

By the time the presentation was due, the other girl in our group came up to me and Emily, casually making her excuse.

“My whole family got sick, especially me, so I had no time to work on the assignment.”

She says.

I had the urge to go off at her and grab her messy bun to mess it up even more. My anger meter nearly snapped. I closed my eyes, gripped my fists until they turned blue, and prayed we’d pass with a C at this point.

“But I can help with the presentation! Don’t worry, it’s the least I can do.” She continues.

I look over at Emily, to hold back my urge to slap her. I notice her pale face and dark circles. Looks like she hasn’t slept in days.

“Let’s do that then.” Emily responds.

Why Emily! Why would you do that? It’s amazing how she just lets it go.

In the end the girl spoke out OUR presentation. But it didn’t fool the class. She just had to read our assignment, yet she struggled to articulate the words written in there, I could see the shame plainly revealed on her face. I peered over Emily, with a slight smile she hid behind her hand, keeping herself from being seen. Emily knew from the beginning that this girl was going to flake out on us. I just know it. I never felt so delighted to see her so happy. We received and A- on the project. I guess the overnight effort made it worth it both for her and me.

It was the first and last time I worked with her.

Now, it’s graduation day, where we celebrate the four years of gruesome, if fun, days of academic achievements. I’ll be certified for common sense and set off to the world where I can choose to further deepen my hate for knowledge or scurry to the workforce if I plan to live by the day. I wonder what Emily wants to do with her life. The amount of self-confidence she emits by my shoulder leaves me in a pile of doubt.

It’s strange.

She seems different.

The endless chatter finally lessens once the principal starts to talk. His bald head shines a beautiful shade of tangerine. His sappy speech and misty glasses were all perfectly meld to wrench the hearts of eager teens, ready for the spark of a new era. I wasn’t included in that hype.

“Now a few words from our top student of 2015. Emily Owens please come to the stage.”

She slowly got up, as she slides through my way. I try to bend my knees to let her pass smoothly, but I wasn’t fast enough as she stumbled to the ground; the culprit being my dumb ankles. Her hands and cap were on the ground. Her hair was slightly disheveled. Her eyes widen and her ears turn pink with shame as the whole room gasp in unison.

“I’m so sorry!” I mutter quietly as I lend her my shoulder to get her off the floor.

“What a great way to start.” She whispers.

She ignores me as she stands up and walks to the stage.

The principal brought his hand to her arm asking if she was alright. With a nod she got behind the podium.

“For the first and last time, I’ll be speaking to my classmates of 2015.” She began her graduation speech.

Her words breezed over me as all I could see was a small but firm figure talking. Her body language spoke out to me directly.

She wasn’t the same.

She smiles, she’s genuine, she’s beautiful, she’s intelligent, she’s mature.

Everything I wished I was. While she embraces the pure center of attention, I’m left in the shadows among the countless students that go with the flow.

Everyone will leave this building that bared resemblance of memorable moments that will slowly disappear with time leaving just a cycle of new memories and so forth. I will never come back here; I’ll search for a way to never relive my utterly mundane life. 

After all, high school may have been fun but not enough to make me stay. I may have friends but soon they’ll fade away into a new phase. I’ll be left behind whilst still being with everyone, but at a different pace. 

Emily Owens is someone I’ll regret never becoming friends with. I wish we could’ve been best friends. But I hesitated to reach out to her. I wish I could have made peace with her, I’m idiot for making her trip. I gaze at the calm woman expressing her thoughts to everyone. Emily Owens was never a shy person.

She was just an introvert.

“Thank you and once again congratulations to class 2019.” She concluded.

Walking back to her seat, the clashes of applause rain down on her.

After four years, my college graduation was coming to an end. Standing among the sea of blue gowns, we all held our caps by our hearts. With a count of three I flung my cap in the air as the orange tassel twirls with each rotation. For a split second, the auditorium was packed with big, blue, floating paper windmills.

Catching my blue cap, everyone began to disperse.

My friend finally turned to me. Her long black hair fluttered as her blue eyes sparkled with excitement. As I became a college student, I was able to fulfill my deepest regret.

“Wow, I can’t believe this is it! Congrats!” She says as she wraps her arms around me. Clutching on her blue gown, my heart leapt,

“Thanks! You were amazing Emily!”