Monday morning, the Telegram groupchat with my friends, appropriately and inappropriately named KIAN NEEDS A JOB BUT NOT A BJ ;), is fired up with messages. They're all tagging me to get my attention, so I send a photo of myself fresh from the shower.

jared, 19: he's finally awake

Jared Wilkinson is the oldest in our friend group. He's a kindergarten teacher which is why he's an eye candy for the single mums at the school he's teaching in. Sometimes, I call him daddy to tease him and then we end up doing… interesting stuff, which we kind of kept doing until I got myself a boyfriend.

Oh yeah, he's bisexual.

sophia the first: rise up cutie you won't be jobless anymore

Sophia Perez is the princess. I met her back when I was working as a part-time barista in the cafe right across uni. She's a sweetheart, kinda clumsy at times, but she's really kind that men often mistake her well-intentioned actions for flirting. Aside from that, she's a bombshell. She's modelled for a lingerie line, her hands have appeared several times on advertisements, her was (and still is) on the website of YSL cosmetics, and her hair has been used to promote L'Oréal haircare products.

irina says fuck hets: stargaze has job openings for the rest of the week hun

Irina is a friend I met in college when I joined our uni's LGBTQIAP+ support group. She's bisexual like Jared although her preference is girls eighty percent of the time. The only instance I saw her crushing on a guy was when I introduced Jared to her.

She's a pharmacist, which is why whenever one of us is sick, she's the first person we go to for free consultation.

kian not kean: stargaze? guys, u know i have no clue about the fashion industry. have u seen my wardrobe?

sophia the first: you also said that about champs today bitch what's stopping u from taking another challenge

kian not kean: sports is easy to learn, fashion is not. have y'all seen the devil wears prada?

irina says fuck hets: luv, stargaze ain't vogue they won't murder u for not knowing the difference between cerulean and blue

jared, 19: my friend works there and the pay is a+++ plus there's a lot of benefits. you guys remember tunisha?

sophia the first: omg that gorgeous woman u saved from transphobes who were misgendering her?

kian not kean: that was a moment and a SERVE

It's not really clear to us if Jared and Tunisha are friends or more than that, but we do know that they've known each other since they were teenagers. Sadly, we've never seen Tunisha in person as she's always busy juggling work and her private life, according to Jared.

jared, 19: yeah her, and she said she's willing to help u out if you wanna join stargaze

irina says fuck hets: will u really say no to this like the opportunity is there for u to grab, bub

Irina's right. There's literally no way I'm still thinking about this through.

kian not kean: okay fine imma do it

jared, 19: great! ill tell tunisha to refer u so it'll be easier for u to get an interview

kian not kean: thanks red, ur the best

sophia the first: kian has always told u two that ur the best but ive never heard him tell me that EVER,,, this is blatant sophobia

irina says fuck hets: she said sophobia eye—

kian not kean: bye everyone, let's party when i get this job mwah ily all <3