Heidi shook me awake. “Are you okay?”

I touched a hand to my forehead. A small frown tugged at my lips. I was greeted to the inside of Heidi's now-clean-and-presentable house. “I feel empty…”

She smiled. “You’re just hungry, silly! I’ve told you before – you have to eat. You’re not a God.”

She handed me a bowl of soup as I sat up. Hunger bit at my insides like nothing I’d ever felt before in my life. I’d forgotten to feed my now-mortal body again. I ate a little bit of the food, musing about my time spent in the mortal realm.

“I feel strange, Heidi. Like I can’t find comfort in anything.”

“Maybe reality finally set in for you.” She answered without concern for my feelings.

I was feeling insecure. As insecure as I did when I was judging as Joshua. “Is this what it’s like to be a mortal…?”

She gave me a serious look, putting a hand on my back. “You were always a mortal, Joshua. Perhaps you only pretended you weren’t because you couldn’t stand living as one”

I looked at her, knitting my brows in irritation. “I am not a mortal.”

“What happened to you that you can’t accept your mortality, Joshua?” Heidi shook her head with a tsk.

“What happened to you that you can’t believe in gods?” I retorted, nearly shouting. I slumped backwards, frustrated. I wanted to go home. I didn’t belong among mortals. 

They were filth.

“If you’re a God as you claim, you’ll know that even if the Gods exist, they turned their backs on me. Why should I believe in them if they can’t spare two thoughts for me?” She demanded.

“Gods weren’t meant to hold your hand through life, Heidi. You wouldn’t grow otherwise.” I stated.

She frowned and looked away for a moment, her shoulders slumping. After that, she grabbed my hand and helped me to my feet. “You should go to sleep if you’re feeling woozy.”

“I’m not tired,” I said, “But I do want to be by myself.”

I walked off, leaving Heidi's house and going anywhere. 

I walked until I was far away from Heidi's village and far away from any mortal murmuring. Eventually, I came upon a beautiful swathe of untamed, green land.

Even though the world was covered in those poisonous, blue, transparent vapors, this area was still stunning. When the wind blew through, I could swear the grass beneath my feet shone. I did a little spin as I went, my yellow hair whipping my eyes. 

Everything was silent but for the wind, and the rustling of the leaves in the nearby trees. 

A vibrant pink butterfly fluttered past my three eyes. I tried to snatch it, but it was too fast.

Deep within me, I could sense it was the butterfly from my dreams. I would chase it forever, and now was no exception. I sped after it full speed, my hands always just an inch away from closing on it. I hoped it would lead to something. Something to lift this sad empty, depressed feeling out of me. 

The world fell away around me until I was chasing the butterfly against an entirely black world. 

I stopped in my tracks at the edge of a black cliff that blended in with the rest of the ebony world. I’d nearly fallen off it. 

Suddenly, the world came back into focus. 

The green paradise came back into focus.

I looked around. It was nearly night. I had no idea where I was…