Dashiell spent the next two weeks training with Averet and Anselet. His back had healed and even though it was still sore it wasn’t an excuse to skip training, or to make them go easy on him.
He still refused to look at his back. He didn’t want to see how ruined he was or how ugly it made him. Averet told him that it wasn’t looking that bad, but he was lying. He’d seen how Averet’s back looked after so many years and it was not pretty. He wanted his skin to be untouched and pure, but Isandros had stolen that away from him.
Two times a week he would have to go back to the brothel to get closer to Barret. Dashiell didn’t like how little it actually bothered him to sleep with him. He even had days where he would look forward to it. Barret would be gentle with him and make sure it was as good for Dashiell as it was for himself. He would touch his back, telling him that it wasn’t as bad. That he was still beautiful. You sound like Averet, he’d wanted to say, but he kept his thoughts to himself.
Barret began talking more and more each time they saw each other. He would stay a little while after they were done, holding Dashiell, caressing his hair while laughing at his jokes and Dashiell enjoyed it every single second of the attention he got.
Training today was harder than it had ever been. Anselet was pushing him, forcing him to keep going even when he felt like he was going to burst into tears.
Every muscle in his body was screaming from pain and exhaustion and Dashiell wanted nothing more than to strangle Anselet slowly to death.
“You can do better,” Anselet said as he made Dashiell do pushups.
Dashiell looked up to face him with a death stare. “Better!?” He yelled, fighting to push himself op from the ground one more time. “I took 50!”
“That’s nothing! Keep going. My fucking grandmother could do better than that.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at Dashiell, who was soaked in sweat and out of breath, with an impatient and bored expression on his face. Dashiell tried his hardest to push himself up one more time, but he ended up collapsing on the ground. His whole body was shaking and aching and he had no control over his breathing. He pressed his face down on the soft grass and breathed in and out deeply. He was tired and frustrated with Anselet, Okay, maybe not with Anselet… with myself! He turned around so he was lying on his back, looking up at the blue sky. It was a warm and sunny day and there were no clouds in the sky. Dashiell didn’t think that working out under these conditions was healthy, and he would prefer to spend the day in the shadows of the trees instead of being pushed to his limits. His body wasn’t used to being this active. He was drenched in sweat and his heart was beating rapidly against his ribs, chest rising and falling quickly with every breath. At this moment, he preferred to be back at the brothel.
“That’s it! I’m going to die.” He whined. Anselet laughed and sat down next to him, clapping his shoulder gently.
“You are doing great, you know,” Anselet said as he met Dashiell’s eyes with a small smile tugging the corner of his mouth.
“You just said it was nothing.” Dashiell pushed himself up into a sitting position and crossed his arms over his chest. ‘’You said your grandmother could do better than me.’’
“I wanted to make you angry so you’d push yourself a bit more,” Anselet said as if it made the whole situation any better.
“You are a horrible, stupid and fucking annoying person, you realize that, right?” Dashiell said as he hid his face in his hands.
“Yeah, you tell me that a lot,” Anselet mumbled, looking at Dashiell with a hurt look in his eyes. It was a look Dashiell hadn’t seen before, but it didn’t stop his mouth from continuing.
“Because it’s true.” He said sternly. When Anselet didn’t answer him he began to feel bad. Maybe I crossed the line this time! Anselet’s body tensed as he turned away from him. Dashiell wanted to hit himself for being such an idiot and for not keeping his mouth shut. “Damn, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it you know.” Dashiell said reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder, but Anselet pulled away from him.
“Yes, you do!” He continued still looking away from Dashiell to avoid his gaze.
“Hey! Look, I don’t mean it, okay? I’m sorry.” Dashiell laid a hand on Anselet’s shoulder again and felt how he was shaking a little under his touch. “Please don’t be crying. I promise I don’t mean it.” Am I really such a bad person? Do I really say bad things to him all the time? He wanted to kick his own ass for making someone else feel bad. He never meant to hurt anyone. He had one hell of a mouth on him and he would say a lot of things he didn’t mean, but he never did it to hurt someone. “Come on, I’m sorry, okay?” He said and that’s when he realized that Anselet wasn’t crying, but laughing. The young guard turned and looked at him with a big smile on his lips that lit up his eyes. “Your fucking idiot!” He hissed and slapped his shoulder.
“You asked for it yourself,” Anselet said with a laugh.
“Isn’t there just one guard around here, who’s normal?” Dashiell sighed with an exaggerated shrug.
“Apparently not.” A voice said from behind them. Anselet got to his feet in a split second before dropping to his knees.
“Your highness!” He said.
“Rise,” Isandros ordered and Anselet did. “How’s training going?”
“It’s going well, your highness.” Anselet nudged to Dashiell with his boot to make him turn around and show some respect, but he refused. He stayed in his place with his back turned towards them.
“And how are things with Barret?” Isandros said, but Dashiell refused to answer. He could feel the dark gaze burning into his back, but he didn’t care. He would never show that piece of shit any respect. Anselet cleared his throat a couple of times before speaking.
“It’s all going well, your highness,” he said, “Barret is very satisfied with his service!”
“Is that so?” Isandros said, his voice sounding colder than ever. “Would you mind giving us a moment? Go and wait for me at my quarters.” Dashiell froze. He did not want to spend a second alone with Isandros. The last time that happened he’s skin was ripped from his back. He didn’t want to find out what he wanted to do to him this time. Don’t leave me… please! He looked at Anselet with big pleading eyes, but Anselet had no choice but to obey a direct order from his prince. He mouthed an “I’m sorry.” before leaving Dashiell alone in the hands of Isandros. Dashiell saw something in Anselet’s eyes that mirrored how he himself felt when he was around Isandros. Something like regret, or fear. Dashiell feared that Anselet was going to get hurt now because of his disrespect… “I know you hate me,” Isandros said as he sat down next to him. Dashiell’s heart was beating fast, his breathing was uneven and his body began to shake. “You hated me even before I had you whipped,” yes, because you’re a stuck-up sonofabitch! “and I wanted to apologize for what I did to you.” Dashiell’s heart stopped as he looked at Isandros. Isandros’ eyes were on him and he was smiling. Not an evil smile, but a real and kind smile.
“You… What?” Dashiell said confused.
“I apologize for doing that to you! It wasn’t fair to you,” he said and took a deep breath “or to Averet”
“No,” Dashiell sneered “it wasn’t. I didn’t do anything wrong and you still treated me like a fucking criminal.”
“And it was wrong! I know that.” He laid his hand on Dashiell’s thigh, which made him flinch. “I won’t hurt you again.” Dashiell wanted to run as far away as possible. He wanted to push his hand away from him, to yell at him, but he couldn’t. his body was numb. “I was scared. Someone had already tried to kill me twice, and I was scared that they would succeed if they tried again.”
“Great. So, you decided that it was better to torture me instead. That makes sense.” Dashiell hissed. “How do you think I felt? I hadn’t done anything wrong and you were going to kill me for it! You forced one of your men to hurt me because you knew it would hurt both of us.” He was so angry and he couldn’t stop himself from talking. He needed to get it all out. “Don’t you think I was terrified? That I still am? You hurt me and humiliated me, and then you think that everything’s going to be okay because you suddenly had an epiphany? The only reason I’m doing this is that I don’t want to die. I couldn’t care less about what happens to you. I honestly wish Barret would succeed.” When he finished his whole body was shaking fierce from his anger. He wanted nothing more than to let Barret have it his way so he could get away from this place.
Isandros looked shocked and Dashiell knew that no one had ever spoken up to him before, and he was beginning to regret being that first idiot who did. Isandros would find a way to punish him for it, he knew that. That was just how he was.
“I’m sorry.” Isandros almost whispered. “I went too far and I know that. I took you to my quarters because I felt bad for what Eudon did to you. I hoped that it would make you work for me. But you refused and then you tried to run away. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t risk setting you free.”
“Setting me free?” Dashiell yelled. “What am I? your pet?”
“No, you are a person,” Isandros said
“Not in your eyes.” Dashiell stood up; he couldn’t stay with him for another second without hurting him. “To you, I’m nothing but a whore.” He turned his back to him and took one step away before stopping. “And thank you for the present you left for me in the carriage.'' He spat ironically. ''That made everything so much better.” And then he left. Isandros stayed where he was, looking after him with big eyes. He half expected him to call for his guards, to force them to whip him again for talking back to him. But nothing happened. He simply just let him go.
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