And for what? A few hours to hide the dark truth from my audience and the rest of the world? To put on a performance for those who see me as just a plastic doll - what I really am? Is it worth it?
As I apply another layer of concealer on my cheeks to make things right, I start at my almost clay-like features. For a moment, I forget I am indeed plastic and never to be clay. Something like me will never be rewarded such a luxury.
"What's this?" I ask myself, staring at my cheeks in utter disbelief.
Amiss all the makeup I applied and used to create a look like no other, sits a crack, or rather a hairline fracture in my 'perfect' beauty. 'Perfection' is all I can hold onto before it's taken from me.
A hairline fracture is all it is and can be covered quite easily, but it is what's inside it that I fear. Hidden deep inside that fracture sits the darkness of the heart of a thing like me. A thing is a gentle way to put it, unlike the other words used to describe beings like me.
My plastic limbs, creaking ever so loudly and moving ever so slowly, move to cover up the thing I wish to hide. I apply a final layer of concealer to hide it before anything seeps out. It would be a shame if I lost it all at once.
There must be nothing that will stop me from putting on the 'perfect' performance I was created to do. For the purpose of her entertainment and joy, I must be 'perfect'.
Within the silence that lives sits another of my kind, adjusting once again to lifestyle we've been thrusted into without putting up much of a fight. He takes deep breaths as if to prepare himself for the abuse we endure and the predictability of our owner.
It's on days like these that I wish I can be like him. All it takes for him to prepare for another day of work and abuse is a few deep breaths. For as long as I can remember, I have been putting on this act without a single fail. Will a day come when I can stop?
It's nice to hope for greater things like that in my spare time. It almost makes me feel...something, anything at that. Anything would be fine with me. I'd be more than satisfied.
The loud creaking of the floorboards leading into the room that holds the dollhouse shatters the silence of my everyday life as though it's merely glass. With the sound of her steps coming closer, we all rush to our places with poise and grace; a nice way to explain it."
As I type to my heart's content, my gaze lingers along my arm, coming to a halt on the scars of my past. A bit of recollection returns to my mind.
The scar, pink against my pale skin, reminds me of the days when I was 'happier', or even content with the situation I live in. Those were the days when I could sit in front of my window and have a good laugh every now and then at the sadness of my reality.
Those days have been gone for quite some time and are, instead, replaced with those filled with walks in the park, visits to my favorite café and a mission every now and then with Alexei.
The dull life I lead isn't worth the pain I endure daily. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I like the pain since I've become so accustomed to feeling it. I may as well get something out of it while I can. I don't see anything wrong with that.
"Hello, stranger," Alexei greets me as he takes a seat before me with a cup of coffee in his hands.
"Hey. I thought you were at work. Or did you work early to make me go to the banquet tonight?" I get straight to the point, returning my gaze to my laptop's screen.
I continue typing while I have my thoughts gathered before they scatter in disarray. There's no use in letting it go to waste. It may come in handy when I need to write and have nothing to work off of.
"I hear Luci's gonna be there," He tells me, fiddling with one of the many packets of sugar on the table.
Slowly, my memories of being in school come back to me, much like the dream inside the Music Room back then. But it shouldn't matter to me now since he may not want to speak with me. Things didn't end well between us or even start that way either.
"Stop staring at me," I hiss, closing my laptop since I've lost all the focus I could muster.
"You know you like him. Why don't you guys just get back together and see how things go from there?" He continues to tempt me into dating Lucy like he used to. "The only reason why you broke up was because of that other guy."
"Why are you so into getting me back with Luci? He and I won't be together again because we would never be good for each other."
It's the same thing I tell him every year when the annual banquet comes around at the academy. In the end, I know I don't want to be with him, but I can't help thinking of a time if he and I ever dated. Except this time, I wouldn't want to be with him.
There's something more to it other than the main opinion because there is always some sort of underlying meaning when it comes on to anything in my life. As much as I would hate to admit it, something is wrong with me and I need to know what.
"Luci has been in love with you ever since he met you and you clearly love him back!"
Something inside me screams for me to tell Alexei the truth of the matter, but I can't say a word until Luci gives me the green light. Otherwise, I may screw things up for him.
"Isn't that something? The idiot's been in love with you for so long and you never knew. I can't tell which of you is dumber."
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