Elise didn't know how long she sat there, wrapped in her coat, furiously wiping at her eyes while hoping and praying that no one would come by and see her. The evening air was chilly. She was shivering and she didn't care; she couldn't go back inside, and she didn't want to go home. So all she could do was sit there, tightening her coat around her body, the very same coat she had lent to Jen mere weeks ago.

What was she supposed to do now? She didn't know. There were still about twenty minutes before band practice ended, and she didn't want to leave yet. Which was stupid, honestly. What else was she supposed to do, go back in there? Face the mess she had made when she had barely calmed down enough to stop crying? Or worse, getting kicked out of the band for good?

She knew that, and yet…she didn't want to leave.

Taking a shaky breath, she rose to her feet, searching for a warmer place to stay. Her lungs were acting up again, and it didn't get better when she coughed and cleared her throat. As expected, she thought, reaching for her medication again. Crying was one of her most common triggers.

Her eyes scanned the surroundings. All the other buildings around here were regular apartment ones; she doubted she could simply enter them, if she even wanted to go that far away from the others in the first place. Rubbing her arms, she walked around. Maybe there was something suitable around the corner.

She didn't go far before the sound of music made her pause in her steps. One of the basement windows stood a crack open, and despite the cold she stopped and listened. The guys were playing together as seamlessly as ever. Jen was singing the whole song—Overthinker, Elise noted quietly, the song that had the least in common with her reckless personality. And yet, as sang it now, she was owning it more than Elise ever had.

They sounded so much better, Elise thought, with Jen as the sole singer. They sounded so much better without Elise holding them back.

The thought should be enough to make her turn away and go home at last, and yet here she was, listening all the way until the song was finished. She kept listening as Jen turned to the rest of the band, dishing out advice and constructive criticism in her typical blunt fashion, trying and failing to explain something to Felix and Zahir until Shine translated.

Her voice sounded a little agitated, but that was probably just Elise's imagination. She had sounded just fine while singing a moment ago; maybe she was simply out of breath. It definitely had nothing to do with her, no matter how much part of her wished it did. The other part of her was hoping it didn't. She was already feeling stupid enough for walking out on Jen the way she had.

Did I overreact?

The question crossed her mind after every fight she had with someone, no matter how justified she had felt in the moment. She hated conflict, and she hated causing it even more. Maybe if she had stayed calm, if she had kept her mouth shut—

Snapping herself out of her thoughts, she made for the door of the building again. Not that she was planning to go back to the others. Just warm up in the staircase for a few minutes, and also get away from the sound of this band that seemed to flow so much better without her around.

The staircase was uncomfortably quiet. Elise played around on her phone, but even that couldn't alleviate the deafening silence. Finally she found herself on YouTube again, searching for videos of The 4AM. Watching Jack and the others had always comforted her in the past, no matter how bad things got.

She landed on an interview instead of a music video. Something lighthearted and silly with all four members seemed perfect right now. She hadn't seen this one yet, but she had seen screencaps all over social media that told her this was about to be promising.

And sure enough, a few minutes in, she was smiling again. There was simply something about the way these four clicked together, the way they joked around and teased each other and were completely at ease in each other's presence, that was instantly contagious. And still, right now, it also made her feel more lonely than ever.

I want what they have.

But she couldn't, could she? She was a shut-in, a loner. And even when she had the opportunity to become part of a family like that…well. She didn't need to follow that thought any further.

A glance at the time told her that practice was almost over, and dread of running into any of her bandmates drove her outside again. Even so, she didn't make for the station just yet. She lingered around the side of the building, close to the still-open window, listening.

Her timing had been right; the others were in the middle of finishing up. There was a sound of a door opening and closing, and soon afterwards Zahir and Shine came out of the building. Elise inched closer to the wall, hoping they wouldn't spot her. But just when she thought they had safely passed her by, Shine turned around and raised an arm to silently wave her goodbye.

Elise awkwardly waved back before her attention was yanked back to the window by the sound of a muffled sob.

"I hate this!" she caught Jen saying, her voice thick with tears. "I hate this whole day! Why am I so stupid?"

"Hey, now," Felix replied in the gently exasperated voice of a friend who had seen this kind of thing happen way too often. "You had a fight, big deal? Just make up and you're good."

"But I can't!" Jen burst out between a sniffle and a hiccup. "I was the dumbest, most inconsiderate asshole in the history of anything! I bet she hates me now!"

Felix sighed. "You can't know that till you talk to her."

"She totally does." Jen sniffled again. "I said the exact stuff to her that my parents said to me! Who wouldn't hate me for that? I'm so stupid—"

"Do you hate your parents?"

Jen fell silent.

"Just talk to her," Felix said. "If you apologize, she won't—"

"But I already tried!" Jen answered. "And she ran out anyway! And…and she didn't even come back." Her voice was suddenly small. "I kept waiting for her and she didn't! That's how mad she is!"

"Hey, hey, she was upset. She's calmed down now."

There was a pout in Jen's voice. "What if she hasn't?"

"You try again later," Felix replied simply. "If she stays mad when you apologize, she's not worth it anyway. We can find a new lyricist—"

"No!"

Outside the window, Elise gave a start. Jen's voice rang out loud and clear and surprisingly desperate.

"I can't replace Ellie!" Jen burst out. "Without her around, it's just no fun!"

Elise's heart gave a violent lurch. Her eyes, which had been painfully dry a moment ago, blurred with tears once more.

Behind the window, Felix gave a small laugh. "Are we a joke to you?"

"Come on. You're all guys." Jen was pouting again. "And Shine and Zahir are your friends, not mine."

"Okay, okay, okay. Wanna go back?" Felix asked. "We could grab some food on the way. Crying makes you hungry, right?"

But Jen didn't sound excited about that idea at all. "Not hungry," she said. "You go ahead. I'm still staying for a bit."

"Okay, you do you. Don't complain if I eat fries without you."

"Shut up."

A door opened and closed. There was a clatter and shuffle, then a few chords played on an acoustic guitar that quickly faded into silence.

Afraid as she still was, Elise made a decision.

Forgetting her pride, she hurried towards the door, passing by Felix on the way, who flashed her a thankful grin and a thumbs-up. She tried to smile back, even though it came out awkward. Her stomach and chest were a mess of fluttery nerves. She kept going anyway.

Outside the door to the band practice room she paused, hesitating, listening for a sound from inside. There was nothing, no voice, no music, no footsteps, nothing to indicate Jen was still inside at all.

Gathering all her courage, Elise knocked.

There was a moment's pause, and the very world seemed to hold its breath. Then Jen's voice rang out from behind the door, quiet and muffled and audibly frustrated. "What?"

"It's me," Elise said.

Jen let out a gasp. "Ellie?"

A relieved smile crossed over Elise's face. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah! I mean, no…I mean…" Jen's voice trailed off. "I'm not sure."

"It's okay, I'm not mad anymore." Opening the door, Elise slipped into the room. Jen was sitting on the floor with her back towards her, her arms wrapped around the old guitar. She didn't turn around when Elise approached and sat down beside her.

"You know," Elise said, looking down at her hands, "I'm really sorry I blew up like that. I was tired and frustrated, but I know that's not really an excuse, so, yeah…sorry I got so mad. You're right, I need to keep up, it's just—"

She was interrupted by Jen's fist hitting her arm. "Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Apologizing. Why are you apologizing?" Jen finally turned to face her, soulful brown eyes flashing with a million emotions. "I'm the bad guy here! And I'm really sorry." She looked down again, pink hair falling in her face, glowing bright even in the falling darkness of the evening. "I shouldn't have acted like that…I know what it's like when you can't do something everybody else can do." She curled up around the guitar. "Why didn't I realize it's the same for you? I'm such an idiot!"

"Hey!" Elise chided her gently. "No negative self-talk on my watch. You've realized your mistake, and that's what matters to me."

Without lifting her head, Jen smiled.

"I'm still sorry," she said.

"Me too. It's okay." Elise smiled back. "Maybe we can find a way to work with it now. You know—work around our weaknesses?" She cracked a grin. "I mean, we still have a festival to work for."

Jen's face lit up.

"You're right!" she said, and now she was finally looking like herself again. "Okay, fine, I'm not gonna ask you to be Jackson Song anymore. But maybe," she added, pursing her lips, "you can be like Miguel Valencia?"

Elise let out a snort. "Wouldn't that be Zahir?"

"They're just four people, one person can be both," Jen replied. "What I mean is, you don't have to go that hard. Just have my back." Her eyes were dark and velvety as she met Elise's gaze again, questioning. "Is that better?"

"Much better!" Elise answered, smiling with relief. "Got anything specific in mind?"

After a prolonged search through various music videos by The 4AM, when they finally settled on an infamously hug-heavy performance of Winner, Elise found that being the Miguel to Jen's Jack was even better than expected.