DANGEROUS ELYSIUM

PART FIVE

OLIVER

Warning! This episode contains sensitive topic. You have been warned.

I held my chest as I ran into the boys toilet and shut myself in one of the stools. I slipped down onto the toilet still clutching my chest as tears poured from eyes unchecked. I didn't want to feel like this….so damn fragile and hurt. Very hurt. After all this time he pulls a stunt like that. In the music room and then in our English lit class. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to ask what the fuck is he playing at? Why is he doing this to me? Does he get some kind of perverted kick out of upsetting me? Yet sitting here in this stool crying felt all too familiar. It was the same when we were but little kids and I was crying because a boy from our class hit me for no reason. Then me and Sharna became friends that very day. Now I just feel like shit.

I took in a deep breath and waited several long seconds. Even in that small amount of time, I could feel the walls closing in on me. It got harder to breathe, even though there was air coming in from a window in the toilets. But it wasn't enough. I needed to get out of here. Off the campus, until the door opened on the other side. I heard clip claps from only one set of feet and it's definitely not from a guy, unless he wears heels or something. "I know you're in here loser," a girl's voice. "Why don't you come out freak."

"Go….go away…." I stuttered.

"Sure, right," she snickered. "What are you playing at huh?"

"I don't….what?" I was confused. What the fuck?

She banged on my stool door making me jump. "Fuck off loser. If you think for one second you can bring Sharna down to your level you've got another thing coming. You're scummy. No one likes you….freak."

I held my hand over my mouth. If I stayed quiet she might just go away, but she hit the door again. "....please stop." I pleaded.

"Keep away from Sharna or I'm getting my brother to kick the living shit out of you. Do you understand?"

I didn't want to answer her. I didn't want to sound like a pathetic weakling. But I also didn't want to get my ass handed to me when I'd done nothing wrong. "....fine. I'll never go near him." My voice came out like a high squeak and I wanted to cry again.

"Good. Fucking loser." Then I heard her steps and the door shut.

I waited for a while, just to make sure she was gone and I let out a breath. "Why...why me?" I whispered and hugged myself. If uni wasn't bad enough already, it just got a hell of a lot worse. Those girls that were always around Sharna and Morgan hated me and girls are just as cruel, if not worse sometimes. I didn't want to piss anyone off, even though I've done nothing wrong. "Time to go." I whispered again and slowly stood up and reached for the lock. I peeked out the door to see the toilets empty and breathed a sigh of relief. Then I rushed out as quick as I could and suddenly came face to face with Sharna. I almost slammed into the guy and I hated that he was taller and bigger than me. "....get out of my way." I quickly looked around to see if any girls were nearby and luckily there weren't, but just not lucky enough because I had the guy to all my problems looming over me like a shadow, making me feel cold.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concern marring his gorgeous features. No….no. Don't think that.

"Nothing….leave me alone." I bit and made a quick dash past him. He tried to grab at me, but I was quicker than him. I've always been quicker, even as kids when we'd run around playing tag or hide and seek for hours and hours. Yet it was probably because I was smaller and slimmer than he was. He used to complain all the time, saying it wasn't fair, but I'd tell him it wasn't fair that he was stronger than me and that usually shut him up. Finally I made it outside. Thank god. I thought, but kept up my pace until I was around the back of the sports equipment storage shed and I collapsed to my knees, breathing heavily. "....fucking, madness…." I was mid sentence when I heard footsteps headed my way. They were heavy and oddly fast, but I already had a good idea of who it was going to be.

It took just short minutes for Sharna to find me, but that was all I needed to let the mask of indifference settle into place…"Jesus, you're still so fast…."

"Fuck off." I snarled, as I stood and faced him. Every instinct was screaming at me to turn around and run again, but I couldn't even do that. I just stared at him and he stared right back. But my emotions were starting to get the better of me again. If I had any hope of getting through this with my body intact, I needed to keep my temper in check and just walk away. Walk away. Walk. Away. Oliver.

"Oliver….tell me what happened…."

"You happened. You always fucking happen. You and your sick twisted brother and that gaggle of bitches that follow you around like you're both god's gift to the damn human race…."

"Wait wait wait. Did someone say something to you? Tell me and I'll deal with it," His tone was a contradiction, because it was mixed with both confidence and uncertainty at the same time. I kept myself still, seemingly still concerned as he spoke. "Tell me." Though I also knew whatever was coming next wasn't going to be good for me. None of this is good for me.

"Sharna, please don't do this." Fuck! Now I was begging. But it kept me from doing something stupid. Like telling him the truth just so he wouldn’t look at me like I was so far beneath him. When we’d been kids, he'd never looked at me that way, he’d never treated me like he was better than me. And now he was looking at me with confusion and…..I don't know. I just don't know.

"Look," he said, holding his arms out. Like I'd miraculously jump into them. "I'm not trying to cause trouble…."

"Bollocks." I hissed.

"I'm not, I'm telling the truth…."

"Truth? You don't even know how to tell the truth, Sharna. You've lied to yourself and everyone around you for so long that you believe your own lies," I bit out. I still managed to keep my voice down because I’d learned that being louder didn't necessarily get your message across. "You're like the boy who cried wolf. Ever heard that story?"

"....Oliver…."

"No," I bit again and held my hand up. "He cried wolf when there was no wolf, he did it so many times that when a wolf actually found him, no one believed him and he got eaten. His lies came and bit him in the ass…." Sharna chuckled. He….he fucking chuckled. "Why are you fucking chuckling?"

"Just...you. Still the same, cute…."

"Whoa! Stop with that bullshit," I backed away and he stepped forwards. "Stop." I held a hand out again but he just kept moving. "Go...away." I said quietly. He didn't, of course, he was a Cunningham, after all. Cunninghams didn't answer to anyone, that whole family. And not surprisingly, this particular Cunningham didn't seem to give a shit about what his tirade had done to my heart. Utter insanity. Yet he stiffened at the indifference I'd managed to put into my voice. "You've got everyone fooled," I said. He shook his head. "But not me."

"That so?" He asked.

"Yeah, that's so," I replied. "I don't know what your game is, but I'm not going to let you do whatever you want." He once again closed the distance between us so we were just a matter of….maybe three feet apart. "If you touch me I'm going to fucking punch you in the face, or find something to hit you with."

"No way." He said around a smile.

"And just how are you going to stop me?" Why the fuck did I say that? When I saw Sharna's eyes go dark and his nostrils flare, I knew why I'd said it. His response was why. I'd wanted to see that reaction from him… to know it was there.

But I'm not that stupid. "Do yourself a favor, Silver Spoon. Take a real good look around at all the people you have in your life and ask yourself, was it all worth it? All those lies? Because from where I'm standing you look miserable and for once you're not getting your way. So turn around and leave me alone. Do what you told me to do all those years ago and get lost," I picked up my backpack as Sharna just stood there, shocked? Definitely shocked. "Oh….by the way. I do hate you soooo much that you can't seem to forget me." I added and walked away. I took a quick glance back and he was still just standing there. I almost wanted to take my words back and apologize, because I didn't mean it. I don't really hate you and I'm a liar too, but no. I will never try again. Because trying hurts, I did that once, tried to be in his life and he threw me away like trash. Now he can feel like trash for once.

DANGEROUS ELYSIUM

"Okay so you're back here again?"

"Yes. I have nowhere else to go." Raine smiled and held out his arms and I ran straight into them. Warm and comfortable.

"What happened?"

"Everything happened," I started to sob. "....just everything Raine." The fact was that one man, that one man who I thought hated me above all others and for whom I had mutual feelings of anger and distrust, would cause me to feel this way was disturbing, to say the least. It was fucked up. All of it was damn fucked up. I hate him. I don't hate him. I'm attracted to him, then I'm not. But I am, I'm so into him it kills me every day I wish I could really fucking hate him. "...I feel…."

"Was it Morgan? Did he do something to you?" Raine said, cutting me off.

I looked up. "What? No….no it wasn't Morgan."

"I see," Raine….looked hurt. Weird, but he did. "....Sharna, right? He's got to you."

Suddenly I wasn't so sure I should say anything at all. He has this look in his eyes that I'd never seen before. Darker. Scary. "No...I mean it was someone else."

"Really? Who?"

I pulled away and stepped back, but the look was still there. "A girl that doesn't like me. That's...that's all."

"A girl did this?" He pointed to my tears.

"Yeah," fuck...god! This is worse. I feel like such a….oh god. I feel so damn stupid. "Look, I'm sorry Raine. I've just not felt myself. Maybe I'm coming down with something."

"I'm not buying it. None of it," Then he reached out and grabbed me, pulling me fast against him and holding me there. This...is not right. I wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure I could keep my voice steady as I tried to ignore the fact that Raine’s long, strong fingers were pressing firmly against my body. One hand was at my belly, the other at my waist. Even with a layer of clothing separating his skin from actually touching mine, the contact was still not right. "I told you Oliver, I'm here for you." Okay. I thought. I get that, but this was too much. Then I thought, is it my fault? All those times around him and letting him hug me when I was feeling shit or just lonely. Cuddling up with your best friend was okay, right? Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe he read too much into it. Maybe I let my guard down too many times that I'd given him the wrong idea or maybe I've just got it all wrong.

"....Raine, you're squeezing me."

"I know. I'm not letting you go."

"You….you need to let go…"

"Not this time," his hand moved up my stomach and then around my back and up more until it was at my face and he tipped my head back. His intense eyes made my skin grow hot and my face flush with embarrassment. I've never been with a guy, I've never been with anyone and I didn't want to do anything with Raine. I didn't see him like that….I only….I only saw Sharna in that way. "I want you Oliver. I'm sorry I want you so much."

"You...I mean, I can't...we can't."

"Why not? Is it not the same for you?" Of course it's not the same, but the words wouldn't leave my mouth. "You're always hugging me. Touching me or letting me hold you. Say you want me too," I shook my head and still no words. Maybe this isn't real. That was what I told myself, but my body didn't seem to care what I thought and when his fingers closed around my back, pressing into the muscles of my shoulder blades I knew it was very very real. Then suddenly his other hand was away from my face and resting at my waist, but then it was drifting farther down until the fingers were toying with the waistband of my jeans. I finally thought fuck! And with all my strength I pushed at him as hard as I could and he fell back a couple of feet. "...the fuck Ollie?"

"Don't! You're my friend and you take advantage of me like that?"

"Oh don't give me all that advantage bull crap Ollie. You've been flaunting over me since we met and let me tell you a man can only take so much. I have needs you know."

"Then get it from elsewhere."

"Why? When I could get it from you."

"But you've never got it from me."

"Not conscious, no. Oh don't look at me like that. All you do is come to me when someone or something has made you fucking cry. You don't really think I'd take all that for free?"

"What?"

"Oh don't get me wrong Ollie, I'm not into rape….but when you've been passed out drunk I've definitely had my way with my hand around your dick."

"That's….fuck, that's still…." A lump formed in my throat. I felt like I was choking. He'd touched me like that, when I was defenceless. I felt sick, so jarringly sick. "I need to leave….god, I'm gonna throw up."

"You are so damn dramatic. No wonder everyone targets you…."

"Fuck….fuck you!" I screamed and stepped backwards, trying to grab for my backpack. "....don't come near me or…."

"Or what? Are you going to tell on me Ollie? What proof do you have?"

He's right. I have no proof. I knew I just needed to get away from here and back to the dorms. "I'm going….just let me go."

"Sure, you know where the door is. Don't let it hit your sad ass on the way out."

I gulped at the lump in my throat and managed to grab my bag and hall ass out of there. I couldn't believe it. It went from hugging my best friend to that, so quickly. I….don't even know what to think. But I felt disgusted. I felt like the whole world really was against me. Am I really that pitiful? Do I really deserve all of this? What must I have been in my past life to live in the shit hole life I have now or am I just really that easy and naive? I thought I was a smart guy. I could do calculus all day and not break out in a sweat. I'm that smart, but I'm just not smart enough or the right kind of smart. I wasn't street smart or life smart, when I should be. I've always just hid in the shadows and kept out of everyone's way. My best friend….ex best friend touched me and I didn't have a damn clue. I can't deal with this anymore. I don't want this life. I want to just throw it away. That easy, right? "I'm...sorry." I whispered to myself. I just can't do this anymore.