If Bex could blush she would be because of how close she was to Lyssa.
“Is this better than reading?” Lyssa teased as they danced.
“Much better.” Bex smiled her signature smile.
Lyssa hadn’t been ready for it and it caught her by surprise. The power that smile held over her still astonished her. She could feel this horrible ache awaken in her. She wanted to run from Rebecca, to scream in frustration and anger at their situation. That smile was like a knife in her heart, reminding her that though it felt like she was with Rebecca, Rebecca still didn’t know who she was and all was meaningless until she did.
Bex had felt all of Lyssa’s emotions and gave Lyssa a scared worried look. The last thing she wanted was to upset the vampire.
“I’m sorry.” Bex looked down in shame.
“For what?” Lyssa asked.
“I upset you.”
“How did you know that?”
“I can feel it. I can feel you.”
“Through our bond?”
Bex nodded.
“Do you remember how we became bonded?”
Bex shook her head.
“We are going to figure this out, together. I promise.” Lyssa said sincerely.
Bex looked up to meet Lyssa eye’s and felt this deep crushing pain inside of herself. Some part of her wanted to be there for Lyssa, to comfort her. She didn’t understand it, but she felt connected to Lyssa, more than connected she loved Lyssa. Even though she hardly knew the girl Bex’s emotions spoke for her, her mind may not be able to make sense of things, but her heart knew what it wanted.
Bex leaned in, cautiously, her lips just grazing Lyssa’s. Lyssa let out a painfilled whimper and pulled back. She knew it wasn’t right to kiss Rebecca when Rebecca didn’t remember who she was. No matter how much it pained her, Lyssa wasn’t going to take advantage of the situation. Rebecca needed to figure herself out first before anything else.
“I’m sorry,” Bex pulled away from Lyssa, a hurt expression on her face. “I didn’t mean to—”
“No! It’s me, Rebecca. I just don’t want to influence you, to take advantage of you while you are like this. You deserve to find yourself without me telling you what to do or how to act or who to like. It is true you and I were together before you died, but that was then. This is now. Do you understand?”
Bex nodded and turned away from Lyssa, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort.
“Forgive me, my love. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Lyssa said softly.
Bex shook her head no before turning to face Lyssa, “You… You are nice. You don’t have to apologize. You are right. I have a feeling you are usually right about things,” Bex forced a smile.
Lyssa smiled back.
“Your old self would beg to differ,” Lyssa said.
“What does she know? She’s dead.” Bex shrugged.
Lyssa giggled and grabbed Bex’s hands again so that they could resume their dance.
Bex moved close to Lyssa, resting her head on the vampire’s chest. Lyssa held her close, slowly swaying to the music in silence.
“Can you tell me about her?” Bex asked.
“Hmm?”
“The old Rebecca, what was she like? The way you remember.”
Lyssa thought about what to say for a moment as they slowly swayed, as she thought about what to say memories of Rebecca flashed through her head. All of which Bex could see.
“She was… different.” Lyssa started.
“Different how?” Bex asked.
“She didn’t give up on me, not like all my other girlfriends did. She was very difficult to get along with. Super stubborn.”
“In a bad way?” Bex pushed.
“Sometimes, but I think it was only because she was scared all the time. Fear can make people do stupid things.”
“Why was she scared?”
“A lot of reasons. Her life was always in danger. I also pressured her to do things she didn’t want to. Pushed my own selfish desires on her. Not to mention all the drama with her family and friends. She was under a lot of stress you could say.”
“Sounds tough.”
“But she was so strong. She always found a way to get back up and work things out. She was passionate and she cared. About me, about a lot of things. She had this way of getting under people's skin, my skin in particular.”
“How?”
“Well don’t tell her I told you,” Lyssa teased. “But she had this look. When her eyes would light up and her lips spread into this careless smile. When she looked at me like that, I felt like the only person in the world. She made me feel so special. Every time I saw that look my dead heart would come back to life and just start beating again. That look was all it took and she had me wrapped around her finger. I was her helpless love slave. There to do whatever she wanted just so I could see that smile again. No matter what trouble she caused, it was all worth it to see her look at me like that one more time.”
“Just because she smiled at you, you were her slave?” Bex said in confusion.
Lyssa laughed.
“Something like that, but it was more than just the smile. It was what that smile symbolized. It was the fact that I could make her so happy to smile like that. That I could feel all these amazing things from her when she would smile. It gave me purpose when I had none, it reminds me that there are things still left to be enjoyed in this world. It’s a small ray of sunshine that warms my cold dead soul. Her happiness was everything to me, she gave me a new purpose.”
“That sounds amazing.”
“It was. I have fallen in love many times but none of them could compare to this time. This was different, she was different. She may have had her issues, but she also had many more great qualities that made up for that fact. She was the only one who could make me laugh, she always knew when I needed to be comforted and cared for. She always pushed me to be better, do better. I know none of this makes any sense to you right now, but I would do anything to get that girl back. She is and always will be, everything to me.”
Bex looked down and away from Lyssa, pulling away from her.
“What if she never comes back? What if I can’t be her anymore?” Bex said.
“I have faith, I’m not going to ever give up. We’ll figure this out. I know we will.”
Bex tackled Lyssa in a hug and nuzzled her head into her shoulder. Lyssa sighed and rubbed Bex’s back.
“We’ve been through so much, and we can get through this too. Promise my love, I promise.”
Bex held Lyssa closely, she buried her head into Lyssa, a worried look engraved on her face.
She wanted to be that girl for Lyssa’s sake, but she wasn’t as confident as Lyssa that, that girl, was ever going to come back.
And maybe she didn’t want that girl to come back.
From the things she did remember, that girl wasn’t so great. At least as far as she could tell. Maybe this was her chance at a fresh start, maybe she should stop looking back and start looking forward.
But would Lyssa want her like she was now?
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