*Content warnings in description*
University applications were the bane of a student’s existence.
Darius often beat himself up when he thought back to the carefree days of childhood. Although his parents meant well, they had hurt more than helped him when they decided to move away from the city. He had struggled to catch up with his elite, urban classmates at the start of high school and hadn’t stopped fighting for every grade he received since then.
The fond memories of running wild and free through fields and forests could not outweigh the stress and burden of passing tests, preparing essays, and filling his resume with more and more meaningless extracurriculars.
In short, he had long since turned his back on the whimsy of days past. It was a tireless endeavor to be better. If someone were to ask him why he was trying so hard, he wouldn’t even have the time to answer them. However, if he did ever breathe long enough to consider the question, perhaps he would realize its validity.
For what reason was he working himself half to death?
What waited on the other side of an entrance exam?
Happiness? Wealth? More stress masked as opportunity?
It was a moot point.
He refused to think of it until long after his applications were done, and his standardized tests were taken. Darius no longer dreamed. He slept and saw darkness. He awoke and saw daylight. The hours that used to be reserved for visiting another realm, another niche of his mind, another wondrous world of imagination was dead and gone.
Darius took the mock exam result from his teacher, nodding once before returning to his seat. He checked the score immediately, breathing an audible sigh of relief before quickly gathering up his textbooks and notes to shove back into his backpack.
Average…passing…I’ll be okay during the real test.
He repeated the mantra over again as he waited for his friend to get his own score.
They left the building five minutes later, only chattering loudly about their scores once they stepped out onto the sidewalk.
“We’re in, Darius!” Gabriel crowed, swinging an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “Finally, after months of studying, both of our scores are high enough to be accepted. Just in time, too, huh?” He grinned widely down at his friend.
“I know,” Darius smiled, eyes red rimmed from lack of sleep. He yawned, stumbling a bit as Gabriel’s body weight made him sway back and forth. “I’ve been told that university is more fun than high school. Maybe we’ll have time to do things other than study.”
“Like date?” his friend raised an eyebrow, teasing.
Darius laughed. “Yeah, actually.” He tucked the mock exam result into his pocket, eyes sweeping around the city streets. The hustle and bustle of everything could feel overwhelming sometimes, but it was a feeling that he embraced. It was a secret of sorts, but Darius had never felt more at home than when he was surrounded by noise and color.
It was a strange thing.
He had refrained from ever telling anyone, finding it both foolish and childish to love the glitz and glamour. Most people would’ve complained that it was so artificial that it hurt to look at. Darius didn’t agree, though. He loved the overt designs and ridiculous displays with glitter and rainbows. It made him feel at home.
“Who do you have your eye on, Darius?” Gabriel nudged him, playfully. “Someone in class? Maybe in our test prep course?”
“I…,” he trailed off as dark, dark eyes and devilish smirks invaded his mind. The visions faded as fast as they appeared, leaving Darius breathless. Glancing at Gabriel warily, he said, “Maybe in test prep. It’s not gonna go anywhere though. I think she’s not interested.” And neither am I.
They parted ways at an intersection—Gabriel off to clock in hours at his father’s company, and Darius off to his aunt and uncle’s apartment.
Rather than forcing his parents to return to New York when he started high school, he had managed to obtain housing with his extended family. They were nice enough, but more than anything, they only cared about whether or not Darius did well in his studies. That was the information they had to report back to his parents, and feasibly, anyone who asked about their nephew. How embarrassing would it be to have a foolish child in the family?
A single, cold snowflake melted on the tip of his nose. Darius’s head lifted, eyes widening as he watched the gray sky send down millions of snowflakes. The first snowfall already…? He knew Christmas was just around the corner, but this was somewhat unbelievable. A smile crossed Darius’s lips and he walked a bit slower, a bounce in his step.
And then, as if breaking from the surface of water, his ears caught the sound of a tinkling bell. It was slow yet playful, a rapid little winkle. His fingers twitched at the tune, flashes of color and horns and trumpets and brass galore weaving through his mind. It launched him backwards in time to a place that only existed in the vague recesses of his memory—the memories of a child with too much time and too little responsibility.
Darius strained to catch the soft, barely noticeable bell above the roar of cars and voices. But he heard it. It called to him like an old friend vying for attention.
Slowing to a stop, Darius turned his head this way and that, scouring the streets for whoever had called to him. The delicate chime continued, but still, his eyes were unable to pinpoint the origin. He frowned, squinting hard at each person that passed on either side of the street. His gaze swept between the speeding cars, looking for glimpses of this mysterious sound.
For a moment in time—barely long enough to take a breath—Darius’s gaze locked on the cold silver bell. Equally cool eyes were gazing back at him from beneath the lip of a bowler hat. Dark tresses rustled around his pale face as a heart-stopping smile curled his lips.
Darius blinked and the phantom vanished.
The bell was silent. The streets and cars passed on.
The 18-year-old student ducked his head and trudged forward, pretending that his heart wasn’t fluttering, and his palms weren’t sweating. He shoved aside the warm sensation coursing through his blood and swallowed the urge to seek out that man.
When he arrived home, it was to an empty apartment and a hastily scribbled note on the dining table. Money was tucked beneath it. “Out tonight. Feed yourself.”
Darius shrugged off his jacket and turned on the lights before dialing out for delivery. He had no intention of stepping outside again, especially when his body felt so uncomfortable.
It happened occasionally. It was also a very normal teenage thing to feel.
Usually though, the trigger was usually a bit more naked. Darius wasn’t controlled by his raging hormones—far from it. He was probably, miserably, level-headed and dull.
But I’ve never seen such a beautiful person.
He flushed to the very tips of his toes, fingers, and ears. Just a glance. A moment shared on a busy street across several lanes of traffic. Darius couldn’t shake himself of the lunacy gripping his mind and body.
Scrolling through his phone absently, he tried to rid himself of the urges. It was both pathetic and ridiculous to jerk off to the image of a handsome stranger on the street.
Or was it?
Darius paused at that thought, but then quickly shook it away, ignoring the heat that shifted south. Glancing at the time, he knew his food would be arriving in under twenty minutes.
That would leave him a decent amount of time to take a cold shower. The mere idea of dousing himself in icy water over something as small as this was mortifying, though.
Maybe I do need a lover.
He scoffed miserably to himself, tugging off his shirt and jeans. It wasn’t easy for him to find someone though. He licked his lips, mind trailing back to a snowy street.
What if I desire someone like that?
Darius’s mind cleared immediately as the cold water poured over his head. He blinked several times, scrubbing at his face and body vigorously. After a few minutes, he slowly moved the water to a warmer setting, being careful to go in increments. His bones and muscles shook slightly from the shock treatment, but it had done its job.
Just focus, Darius. Don’t lose sight of the goal.
Pass your exam. Do your applications. Just finish.
That night he dreamt of darkness.
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