Delirium.
He twirled the pencil between his fingers.
Madness.
He filled in another answer.
Ecstasy.
He picked up the paper.
With heavy steps, Darius walked his exam form to the front of the room where the proctor waited expectantly. He nodded politely, fingers running along the length of his future and wondering what would happen once it was out of his hands.
He left the exam room, dazed and exhausted. The halls of the facility were nothing but a backdrop. It felt like he wasn’t living, or rather, like he hadn’t lived in a long time. He blamed it on the soul-sucking nature of exam preparation. However, now, he could live without that fear. This was the last trial and if he failed, then he would gladly return to the countryside and open a shop.
Maybe his parents would be disappointed, but what of it? He had done his best. He had attempted to fulfill a dream—perhaps not his own, but a dream, nonetheless. Darius hid a bitter smile in his muffler. What dreams did he carry in his heart?
He couldn’t remember anymore.
A hand clapped him on the shoulder, jolting him out of his thoughts. Darius glanced up, smiling faintly at Gabriel. “Wow, you finished at the same time as me?” he teased.
“I was just slower to turn it in,” Gabriel replied, chuckling and wrapping his own scarf tighter around his throat. “I finished it much earlier than you. Promise.”
Darius rolled his eyes. “Of course.”
“We should celebrate tonight!” His friend wrapped an arm around him. “I can call up Adrian and Lara. They’ve been performing at a new club and said it’s a great time. Do you wanna go?”
Hitting up a club sounded like the last thing Darius wanted to do. However, he shoved down the disdain, strained a smile and said, “Sure. But not tonight. I have dinner plans with my aunt and uncle.”
It was a white lie. Or a black lie. Or maybe just a lie.
Gabriel nodded understandingly. “I got it. Well then, let’s try for this Friday. It should be more exciting anyway since lots of people will be out and about.” He ruffled Darius’s hair, much to his chagrin, and then turned away, pointing down the street. “I have a coffee date, so I’ll catch you later. Wish me luck!”
“How did you manage to get a date already?” Darius complained, eyes twinkling playfully.
“Who knows?” he laughed, beginning to walk away, a little bounce in his step. “I guess I’m just very handsome?”
Darius snorted. “Unfortunately, that’s not much of a joke at all, considering you are.” He waved over his shoulder, heading down the chilly road.
The holiday season was barreling full force toward them. Darius hardly knew what the latter half of November would entail. The only indication that something was different from his unending days of studying was a phone call from his parents telling him they’d sent him money for the upcoming holidays. His aunt and uncle’s frequent absences were also a strong sign that things were not routine. They often had plans, but their extended disappearances could only mean trips to wine country and other socially elite autumn gatherings.
It took him an embarrassingly long time to notice.
He paused in front of a bakery, the sweet smell of bread, cookies, and frosting wafting through the door. Darius’s eyes traveled all around the gold-plated trinkets glittering through the glass. Figurines and miniatures huddled around loaves of bread and carefully crafted cakes. He watched a little wooden Ferris wheel ticking its turns and a broken carousel careening to one side. On the highest tier of the display, a decadent Big Top sparkled under the glowing lights.
It was only then that Darius made the connection.
It’s a themed bakery?
He stepped inside, intrigued. The doorbell swung loudly, clanging with the force of the outside air. Darius hurried in, not wanting to draw any more attention.
“Welcome!”
He looked over at an older woman standing behind a mahogany counter. Wrinkles folded the corners of her eyes, and wispy black hair was pulled back from her face. She donned a brown apron depicting small cartoon clowns, acrobats, and lions.
“Hello,” Darius greeted quietly, taking in the whimsy of the shop. “The carousel in your window display is broken,” he informed as politely as he could. “I just thought you’d want to know.”
She blinked, surprised. “Oh, thank you. We’ve been so busy recently, I haven’t had a chance to check on it.” She chuckled, leaning over the countertop. “So, did you want to buy anything? Or are you just interested in the circus?”
“Circus?” Darius cocked his head, adjusting his backpack.
“Yes!” She grinned brightly. “They come every year. Four times a year, in fact. I’m one of their partners, so I promote for them.” Rummaging around behind the counter, the baker withdrew a pristine flyer and set it in front of Darius who wandered closer. She watched him closely for a moment. “Are you from around here? It’s pretty famous.”
“I lived here as a child,” he responded, studying the bright colors and dreamy font on the flyer. “But I don’t remember much. I moved away when I was seven. I think.”
Suddenly, the woman’s gaze brightened. “Oh my gosh! I knew you were familiar.” She grasped his arm excitedly, ignoring or not noticing the way he froze up at the touch. “Your parents took you here all the time as a child. You’ve grown so much. I still remember how you would chatter on about the circus performers and you would complain every single time that I never made cookies in the shape of the Ringleader.”
Darius stared blankly at her for a long moment. “I...I’m sorry. I don’t really remember that.” He laughed uncomfortably. “I do know that I’ve been to the circus a few times, but my parents and I stopped attending after we moved.” He couldn’t reconcile the image of himself as an exuberant child rambling about the circus and the present him.
They were too far apart.
The baker smiled understandingly. “Of course, for me it’s been just a bit of time, but for someone young like yourself, twelve years is quite a while.” She sighed softly. “Well, maybe attending their show will jog your memory. Or perhaps you’ll come to enjoy it as an almost-adult.”
She chuckled, walking around to the display case of goodies and picking out a sugar cookie. It was shaped and iced in the image of a top hat. “Although it’s not quite what the child you wanted, I did finally design a Ringmaster cookie. Here, take it.” She placed it in a brown paper bag and tied the top swiftly with pink ribbon.
“Oh, that’s really not,” Darius trailed off, unable to stop her from packing the cookie. He smiled helplessly as she gave it to him for free. Peering down at the flyer again, he tucked the cookie into his pocket and picked up the paper. “Can I keep this?”
“Of course!” She nodded firmly. “Be sure to order tickets soon if you decide to go. They sell out quite fast and tickets for the final performance of the season have already gone live.”
He thanked her for the information and then headed back out. Walking a little ways down the road, Darius peeked down at the flyer in his hand. Grandiose letters filled the top quarter of the page:
COME ONE. COME ALL. THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH IS BACK!
A dark tent with bright light was the only image and it sat front and center on the page. Beneath it in bold print were the dates, times, and prices for the performances. Underneath that, was the location.
What really struck him though, were the cursive words carefully yet carelessly scribed into the bottom right hand corner. It looked handwritten, rather than typeface, with its irregular letters and sizing. It was a sign-off with all the showmanship and allure of a seasoned performer:
With Love, Delirium
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