DANGEROUS ELYSIUM

PART FOURTEEN

SHARNA

"Sharna." I heard someone say, the disbelief in their voice clear. I glanced over my shoulder at the small building just beyond the gas pumps. I had made sure to come to a gas station where you could pay at the pump for your gas, so I'd been happy about that. It meant I wouldn't have to interact with anybody, which was exactly what I wanted. I’d had enough interaction today to last a lifetime, thank you very much. First with a man who’d made me feel like I was the only thing in his world when he was fucking me but then pretended I didn't exist five minutes later, and second, by said man's mother who’d decided I was shit too. Yeah, I was definitely over peopling today. But of course, fate had decided that it wasn't done fucking me over yet.

"Raine." I said only once with enough hate behind it he looked horrified.

"I'm sorry about what happened with Oliver…." He started to say, as he moved towards me.

I didn't let him finish that sentence as my fist connected with his chin, making him stumble back a couple of feet. "Don't say his name?" I snapped and then went back to my pump.

Raine managed to get his bearings back, but he stayed a few feet away from me. "Says you, the one fucking the enemy." He bit out and held his face.

"Uh-huh," I agreed, shamefully because it's true and the last thing I wanted was to engage in conversation with this man. But I still had half a tank left to fill. It occurred to me that I could just leave it half full, but my neurotic nature wouldn't settle for half a tank when I was right there at the gas station. "Just go."

"I really was Oliver's friend and Molly too….It's just…."

"Oh really?" I took my hand off the gas pump, no longer giving a shit about whether or not the tank was only half full. I stepped closer to Raine, but the guy must have suddenly found his backbone because he didn't make a move. "Hurting is a friend? Backstabbing does it for you both?"

"Huh, that makes two of us." Fuck, He's right. I'm such a hypocrite. But I wasn't going to say it. I wasn't going to admit that to him when I'm finding it so fucking hard admitting it to myself.

"Just go away Raine. You and Morgan drove him away. You did exactly what he wanted you to do."

"Yeah," he turned his eyes down and his Shoulders slumped. "I had no choice. I have things I need to protect. I didn't want to do it, believe me." I could hear sincerity in his voice, but it didn't make me feel anything but anger.

"Fine. I'm leaving and I suggest you do the same too."

"Planning on it. Are you going to get Oliver?"

I gasped and my anger reared its head again. "That...has nothing to do with you. My life has fuck all to do with you…."

"Morgan," he muttered, cutting me off. "You could leave the damn planet and he'd still go get you. That man is obsessed to the point it's barbaric," then he turned away, stopped and put his head to the side. "I suggest you get Oliver and hide or fake your own deaths, because Morgan will never let go. Ever. Nice punch though." Then he got in his own car and drove away from me.

I thought for a moment, then smiled. Morgan won't find us if he stops breathing. Raine's right, it's barbaric. Everything is stained in red and if I could get rid of Morgan then I'd never need to worry. Oliver will be safe and I'll finally be free. With that thought in mind I returned the pump and screwed up my gas cap. I gave the guy in the shop a little nod and got in my car. Luckily for me the guy knew me and wouldn't call the cops, unless I killed Raine in plain sight, but I wouldn't even do that. The guy fucked Oliver over, but his genuine reasons were enough to just warn the fucker away. As Morgan had said, desperation makes you do things you'd never usually dream of ever doing. Still, I won't ever forgive Raine or Molly and I had no reason to deal with them anymore. My only problem was getting rid of Morgan. I wasn't sure where I should start or who I could trust to do what needed to be done, so I'll do it myself. Somehow.

After driving around for a couple of hours trying to plot some kind of grand plan, I had nothing. The only option I had would be to go and get a gun and get Morgan when he least expects it, but I'd have to bribe whoever gives me a gun or do more research on people who do have something against Morgan. There were likely a thousand people who did, but I million more who didn't. Or I could beg Oliver to forgive me and wait for me because I'm most likely gonna go down for murder for a very long time. Prison obviously didn't appeal to me, but I'd do it for Oliver, I'd do it for me.

I drove slowly up my drive to see my father's car parked up. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for his storm of vile words. "Get. It. Together Sharna." I shut off my engine and climbed out of my car just as my father was leaving the house. He looked straight at me, stoic and menacing.

"Sharna. Where have you been?"

"Out, driving around."

"You should be in school. I don't pay for it so you can slack off."

"I don't have classes today."

"I see, then go study. Do as you're told ...."

"Same old same old. Doesn't it bore you telling me to do as I'm told?"

My father laughed, sarcastically. "Then do it and I wouldn't have the need to keep saying it. God you're a humiliation."

"Right. Thanks….dad." His face dropped, like he hated that I called him dad or even father. It's not like he's ever shown me any kind of fatherly affection and calling him dad hit him hard.

"Just deal with your shit." He hissed and walked away. Maybe I needed to kill off my whole family, I thought. Nope, I'm slowly losing my sanity. Then I suddenly realized something. Molly may have done what she did so she could escape, but maybe there was some truth in a diary that she said Raine kept. If I could get my hands on that, maybe I could make Morgan take his own life. That's a possibility. Maybe. Who the fuck was I kidding, that guy would never succumb no matter what, but I needed to do something before I go to Oliver. I'd do anything for both our freedom. It's risky, but it's worth a shot. So for now I'll play Morgan's love game. It's the only way to keep Oliver safe. So I'll pretend he has me right where he wants me and then I'll knock him down and make the bastard stay down.

"Fuck," I muttered to myself, then realized I'd left my phone in the car. So I rushed back to it and scrambled for my phone, knocking it into the center console when I noticed something. I squinted my eyes and picked up the small neatly folded piece of paper. How didn't I notice this? What is it? Slowly I unfolded it to see neat, but wrinkled hand writing. Oliver must have put this here that day before I dropped him off at the bus stop. Then I took a deep breath and read each word.

"....I would always sit watching you watching me. My eyes tell the truth, yours never did. And when you lie it hurts, but when you lie with a smile my heart shatters. You pretend to be someone you're not, because inside you that person doesn't exist. Your mask is slowly cracking Sharna. Your true self is starting to show. So how long can you hold on before it's too late? False. Fake. You are only human, so why pretend to be god? Slowly your falling and all I could do was watch. All you have to do is ask. Help me. I'll help you. Save me. I'll save you. But you need to let go of that deeper darker part of you. Words are easy Sharna, but actions are more. I hope you find this and I know what you'll probably think, that I'm a hypocrite for saying all of that because I ran away. But I just couldn't stay. Or maybe sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they needed to fall back together. So maybe it's not really goodbye after all. Maybe it wasn't all in vain…..Oliver."

I laughed while tears glittered in my eyes. But it's true and It's sad that I remained tied to my own particular wheel of life and I had to put up with it. I chose this, it was my mistake, now I'm taking responsibility for that. Yet I always thought that maybe I was being punished somehow for my ‘immoral’ lifestyle, that god was waving his hand and letting nothing but disappointment rain down on me. That not being able to find my way or place in society was in fact my karma. I only ever have myself to blame and this little note proves that, but it also gave me a new found strength to finally go to him and ask….save me. Because I do in fact need saving, from myself.