A Baxter Saturday morning was usually a leisurely affair. Jean would read the Guardian, and Michael would make a pot of coffee (coffee at 88 Duke Avenue was always the more recreational beverage, as opposed to the habitual and everyday partaking of tea). On a usual Saturday, the entire family would be in pyjamas until at least 11. That is, however, unless there was a party in the making.

It was Audrey’s birthday, so Mrs Baxter had been preparing since 8 am, soaking the ladyfingers and marinating the chops and dyeing her hair.

Jessa was supposed to be helping but instead had found a series of videos online featuring hilarious clips of people falling off of trampolines, and was watching them on the netpad.

“Really, Jessa, must you always have your head craned over that thing?”

“Well, I could watch stuff on the big TV, but you wanted to keep UK Today on, even though you’re not actually watching it.”

“I’m listening to it, thank you very much! And I can choose whichever channel I want because I’m the one who pays the bill,” Mrs Baxter playfully threw a pile of napkins at her daughter.

“Mum! You made me miss the good bit!” Jessa rewound the video by four seconds.

“I am so terribly sorry. Can you fold the napkins, please?”

“…Prime Minister Linden has come under fire again for his potentially misleading and self-congratulatory declarations. In the studio, we have Hope4Humanity’s director, Siobhan Duffy. What do you think of these accusations, Siobhan?”

“Well, Melissa, I think they’re absolutely right to point out these flaws in the Prime Minister’s statistics. He’s making all these announcements about how he’s building a better Britain, but when all his statements are based on his own privately-funded research, it brings about a very reasonable doubt.

“And, more specifically, what is Hope4Humanity’s stance on the homelessness rates?”

“The Prime Minister seems to have latched on to homelessness as his key issue, but we’ve seen nothing to suggest that he’s done any good at all. He has funded more shelters, which means there are more beds at night for the homeless. But this is very conflicting. Because, yes, technically there are fewer people sleeping rough, because now they have a place to go at night. But there’s no follow-up, no infrastructure, nothing in place to help these people find real homes or jobs or to get them back into society. It’s the humanitarian equivalent of sweeping dust under the rug.”

“His opposition has suggested these fabrications are deliberate on the Prime Minister’s part.”

“I suppose I can’t speak for that, but at best, it’s a vast oversight of the basic needs of people…”

“Jessa, the napkins?”

“In a minute.”

“Always in a minute…”