DANGEROUS ELYSIUM

PART NINETEEN

SHARNA

I had a lot of regrets in life, but my decision to stay here is something I'd never regret, no matter what. Logically, I’d understood that certain people wanted me gone, but that wasn't happening. Luckily I had parked my car an hour away from the town and took the bus back. It stood out way too much. Cars like that you just didn't see here, it was risky. Even staying in the local hotel was risky but I'm definitely sure the old woman on the desk wasn't going to ring everyone who lived here telling them that I was staying here, I just had to keep my head down when going out. Which by the way, I needed to do. I needed those essentials. Toothbrush, toothpaste and a few other things. Maybe a change of clothes, clothes that made me look like I at least fit here. Going around in clothes I've been wearing for near on two days wouldn't go unnoticed. Yet I had to do something, I was going out of mind. Curtis, that guy, Oliver. It was fucking with my head and the calls from Morgan and my father were relentless. I couldn't keep on ignoring them, but I just didn't have it in me to answer.

Then I'd think, how had I let this happen? How had I let myself fall in love with Oliver? I didn't even know when it had happened. Or maybe I did and for so long I just lied to myself. Lied so much it made me sick and insane. The anger and rage that I should've been feeling wasn't really there. It was just this bone-deep loss. I felt like my body was being ripped in two, the pain was so bad. But the idea of loving Oliver and not being able to do anything was the worst kind of torture. Truth. I'd known for a while now… It wasn't the same love I'd experienced as a child. It was a million times more powerful, but it was also harder and scarier. But in some ways it was easy too. I didn't have to work to love him, I just did. I had to get out of this room, I have to do something, anything and my fucking phone was ringing yet again. Only this time it wasn't Morgan or my father, it was Raine. So I quickly snatched it from the side. "Hello," I said, but my voice sounded like it had been through a grinder.

"....Sharna, you're in shit…."

"What?" I snapped, before he could finish.

"Morgan is literally tearing up the city. He came into the cafe and started screaming at Molly and my mother."

"What...fuck…."

"Whatever the fuck it is your doing I suggest you stop."

"Does he know where I am?" Raine was silent. "Does he know!?"

"Molly didn't say anything, but the guy isn't stupid Sharna. My mom closed up the cafe after he left, after he made threats. He's coming for you…."

I gulped. Coming for me? I thought. No, that's wrong. He wouldn't be coming for me. He'd be coming for Oliver. "Raine. I need you to call Oliver…."

"He won't answer." He said, cutting me off.

"Give me his number, please. Molly wouldn't. I need to warn him…."

"Or….you could just call Morgan and come back. Forget Oliver. Just leave him be."

"Why? I can't."

"Sometimes you have to do things you absolutely hate doing to keep the peace…"

"Like you hurting Oliver?"

"Yes," he bit. "I hurt Oliver because if I didn't then shit would have been much worse. For me, for Oliver. For everyone."

I sighed and slumped on the end of the bed. "I'll….I'll call Morgan."

"Good….look Sharna, I want Oliver to be happy, I really do but this isn't the way to do it. You need to deal with Morgan before anything. If you don't….someone...or more will get hurt."

"Alright, I'll sort it. Thanks."

"If you still need that favor, I'm in it. Anything, anything you want."

"Yeah….but if anything happens to me, please make sure Oliver is safe. Can you do that Raine?"

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Speak to you soon."

"Sure." Then the line went dead. Dead like my heart. I wanted to undo it. I thought. The falling in love with Oliver, so he doesn't get hurt or hurt anymore than he has. I wanted to go back to before he’d shown up again. No, I wanted to go back to when we’d been little kids so I could ignore the strange boy who’d followed me around and looked at me like I was some goddamn hero. I wanted it to erase it all. So he could be happy. I could deal with the people around me looking at me like I was nothing but a smug rich idiot. I could even accept that my father would always look at me with hateful eyes. But I didn't know how to live without Oliver. How did you survive without your other half? But I had to. Coming here was a huge mistake. Still breathing is a huge mistake.

I wasn't sure how long I sat on the bed, but after a while I didn't even have the energy to cry anymore. I couldn't move and I didn't want to, yet I had to. I picked up my phone from where I dropped it and pressed on Morgan's number. It rang a few times, then I heard his breathing. ".....Sharna you fuck!" Was the first thing that came out of his mouth. "You best get in your fucking car and come back or I swear to god shit will hit the fan!"

"Morgan….I…."

"Don't fucking talk! Just listen….come back. Get the fuck back here or your dear sweet fucking Oliver and his uncle will get hurt. I own you! Do you get it? Own you Sharna!"

"Yeah, I get it."

"Good! I swear if you ever fucking leave again that's it. End of. End of you. End of him. End of fucking everything! Get. Back!"

"Yes Morgan….." Again dead silence. Beholden to the devil himself. That is what it feels like, yet just one look….its all I need to know that Oliver is safe and I'll leave. Getting up off the bed, I shoved my phone in my pocket, grabbed my bag and left. The woman on the desk smiled at me sweetly when I handed over my key card, then I thought should I? "Excuse me."

"Yes, is there something else you need sir?"

"You wouldn't by any chance know where I can find Curtis?"

"Oh, you mean Curtis Johnson?"

"Yes." God I hope that was right. I hoped this town didn't have more than one Curtis.

The woman stood staring at me. I was waiting for her to tell me to mind my own, instead she smiled. "Yes. When you leave the hotel, turn left along the strip and keep going until you hit a dirt track, but keep going. Do not take the first right that will lead up to Ethan's place. Keep going and take the third right track, that will lead you right up to his ranch."

"Thank you so much ma'am."

"How polite. You're very welcome." I nodded and walked away. At least not everyone in this town is awful. Now all I needed to do was get my car and risk it. I had nothing left to lose anymore. As long as Oliver is happy….then I'll have to be happy for him. Then I'll go back and deal with Morgan the only way I know how. It's just I'm just tired of everything. Tired of being under Morgan's thumb. Tired of being the son my father doesn't want. Tired of living a life of lies. I'm just tired….so fucking tired of trying and getting slower and more lethargic wasn't helping. Slower to shower, slower to eat, everything just seemed to be taking a little longer.

I stood at the bus stop opposite from the hotel and stared at my phone. Blank, like my life. Blank and dark. Purgatory, that's what this feels like, stuck between. Right in the middle of happiness and hell. "....Sharna." God! Even hearing my name in my head made me feel mad. Maybe I need a full psychological evaluation, because hearing voices was the first sign of madness, right?. "Sharna….hey…" I lifted my head to the voice and turned one way and then other and my breath caught. "Why are you here?"

My eyes widened and my chest got real tight. Looking at me from just a few away was Oliver. My lip quivered and I felt suddenly very dizzy. "...Oliver." I whispered and wobbled. He's right there, at arm's length. I moved but my body felt like a rock. "I...don't feel so good." I stuttered and held a hand to my mouth, feeling the stinging bile burn like acid up my throat.

"Oh...fuck…Sharna..." That was it. I stumbled forward. The heels of my palms grate painfully into the asphalt, and my shins protest against the hard curb digging into them. Before I had time to think or even try to move, everything went dark, but I felt hands on me, pulling me, hearing voices until I couldn't feel anything or hear anything. Everything dissipates into nothing. I felt like just another shadow in the dark, stuck in my head. Stuck with my pain and buried memories. A hardened bunker in my mind where I kept the memories of my life. But buried deeper there was a secret vault...a serious, hardcore, bomb-proof chamber, like the ones on TV where they kept the most dangerous prisoners and the biological weapons, that was where I kept my thoughts. My doubt's. My insecurities. And anything or anyone that made me feel so far from this world. I kept them there, because I'm just too damn afraid to face them. Lying hurts, but the truth hurts more. That I'm nothing more than a byproduct of selfishness and wealth. I'm vile, deceitful and worst of all, I'm cruel. How could anyone who has been any of that love? Oliver asked that once and I didn't have an answer at time, but now I do. Yes, someone like that can love, but to keep that love they have to sacrifice at least something. Like a lamb led to slaughter, I sacrifice myself. For love. For a love that is unattainable, so that one person who deserves happiness the most can freely live...and love with no worries. I'm sorry Oliver. For everything. I'll tell you this when I wake up and then I'll leave. There's things I need to do so we can both finally be free.