DANGEROUS ELYSIUM

PART TWENTY

OLIVER

I couldn't believe it, Sharna was in town. Why? Why did he come? I silently asked myself that over and over again as he slept in the spare room of my uncle's place. I paced back and forth in the living room as uncle Curtis just sat watching me. Something in my gut was telling me he knew something. So I turned and faced my uncle head on. "Uncle Curtis."

"Yes, son." He replied quietly.

"You know something, don't you?"

My uncle sat for long seconds chewing on his bottom lip before he was looking back at me. "Yes. He came looking for you and ended up on Ethan's place just as I turned up there. I told him to leave."

"Why?"

"Why?" He repeated. "Because he's done nothing but hurt you. You were only just finding your feet again, I couldn't have him ruining that for you."

Okay. So my uncle was right. He has hurt me, badly. But I also had the right to know. "You should have told me. Then I could have dealt with it myself."

"Could you though?"

I gasped and held a palm to my chest. Could I have dealt with it? Could I have turned Sharna away? Would I have been strong enough? I don't know. It's hurt for so long that my cuts are soul deep. I'm weak, I know that. But I still….I don't know. I guess my uncle is right. I didn't need this, not again. "I'm going to see if he's awake…." Then my words cut off when I heard footsteps and then saw a very disheveled Sharna standing in the doorway of the living room. "Sharna." I whispered and my uncle got up and faced him too.

"I'm sorry….for causing problems. I knew it was a bad idea, but I just had to see you." His voice was so quiet.

Yet I felt angry and hurt. And other feelings I didn't want. "Why? I left because I didn't want to be around any of you anymore."

"I know, I'm sorry." He looked sad, so fucking sad and hurt and….broken. Just as broken as I've looked so many times. Like I look now, I guess.

"The longer you're here the worse it will get."

Sharna's eyes cut straight to mine, all life that used to be there….just wasn't anymore. "I'm leaving. I'm sorry Oliver."

"Wait, you can't just leave," I said, walking towards him. "You look like you need food and more rest…."

"Yeah, but you're right. It's only going to get worse if I stay. Again, I'm so sorry."

"If you ever looked at me once with what I know is in you, I would be your slave." I mumbled.

"What?" Sharna asked, looking confused.

"Do you remember saying that?"

Sharna stood so still, his eyes fissured. "In the music room," he murmured. "But it was just words. They didn't mean anything."

"They must have."

"They didn't. I just said it to hurt you…."

"You're lying!" I cut in. "After that day in the storm and then at the bed and breakfast. You said…."

"I've said a lot of things Oliver. Every time I spoke it was just lies. Lies to please you, that's all."

So cuts can get deeper. Passed the soul, deeper. So deep. "So why did you come here?"

"Just to see…." He stopped and held his stomach for a moment. "To make sure you'd stay and never come back."

"Lie?"

"Yes."

"Truth?"

"What?"

"You came here to see me, to see if I'm happy or not, right? That's why you came. It hurt you that I left, you couldn't take it and came here," I moved towards him more and he made no attempt at moving away from me. "You told me you loved me and I still left. You gave me your heart on a platter and I refused it. So you came to see if I was generally happy. You needed to see if I was just as hurt. I'm always hurt Sharna, always so fucking hurt. It doesn't feel nice, does it?"

"No. It's excruciating. Seems like I lost you before I’d really found you." His agitation was clear, and I knew he was in the same place I'd been just hours earlier when I saw him at the bus stop. "So yeah, it's excruciating." He admitted and looked away again.

"Imagine that for ten years. Like really imagine excruciating pain for ten years. Then triple it."

"I don't want to…."

I quickly grabbed his top and pulled him closer. "All your lies eventually become your truths and when you finally tell the truth they just sound like lies."

"Telling you I love you was the truth, that's something I can never lie about. Ever, but also loving you will only ever hurt you," I let go and stepped back and again Sharna was meeting my gaze. "For as long as I live Oliver, you'll be the only one who will ever own my heart."

"Sure." I whispered.

"I need to leave."

"Yeah, you do," With that I turned away from him. I didn't want him to see my pain, my tears, my broken heart. I didn't want to give him a reason to stay and try. "Just go. Never come back."

"Fine," he bit out, that made me turn to face him again as uncle Curtis just stood and watched in silence. "....but just so you know, no matter what it will only ever be you."

Those words cut right through me. I'd loved him for as long as I can remember. A life without him always seemed so unfathomable. Like so many others in the world, I'd known I'd find a way to survive it, but I'd want to keep any soft warm memories I had with me, even after he leaves. So I guess, thinking about it all right now, maybe there really wasn't any anger anymore or feelings of betrayal. There was, but not anymore. He now felt betrayed, we were finally meeting in the middle. Both our feelings just ricocheted and shot off in different directions, leaving a gaping empty space between us. "One day you'll realize how untrue that is." He stared at me in disbelief. I know longer cared, at least that what I told myself. Yet Sharna was feeling a lot of things. He was now feeling hurt, betrayed, broken. He wasn't getting what he wanted, what he thought he'd get if he gallantly came to my rescue.

In hindsight, common sense should explain the whole thing, but common sense has been sorely lacking in the moments I'd needed it the most. "I hope you can forgive me one day." I laughed. I wanted to forgive him, but he had no right to ask for it.

Then the next words to come out of my mouth were the hardest I'd ever had to speak. "I don't love you. I don't like you. I guess I'm just as good at lying as you are Sharna. I wanted to hurt you and I have." He looked….shook. It shook me, too, right to my very core. "Go back to Morgan. Go back to your privileged life. Forget this."

"I...don't care about Morgan…."

"No?" I cut in. "You don't care but for years you've been sleeping with the enemy. For what?"

"What? I haven't…."

"Yeah you have. You've already sold your soul Sharna, to the devil himself," I laughed, stupidly. "The only way out is if you or he just stops breathing." Why? Why did I say that? I wanted to take it back, but the look in Sharna's eyes told me he'd already thought about it.

He nodded. "Bye….Oliver."

"Bye," I whispered and left the living room to see Sharna leaving out the front door. I wanted to chase him and tell him don't go. Instead I just stood there and watched him. "....how long are you going to lie, Sharna?"

"I'm not sure that boy will ever change son."

A bout of insecurity went through me and I couldn't help but ask. "What did Ethan do?"

"Nothing, I was the one that sent him packing. I was the one who told him if he ever comes back here….he will regret it." I could tell my uncle was lying. Maybe Ethan didn't know at first, but he sure as hell knew when my uncle got there. And for Sharna to stick around was something indeed.

"I'm sorry uncle Curtis, but I need some air." He nodded and I walked towards the door, took one quick look back and left off running. Sharna definitely couldn't be that far away. One, he has no car. Two, he doesn't know this place, not like I do. Still I kept up my pace, my lungs started to hurt and sweat started to drip over my forehead and over my nose, then I spotted him. He was trying to walk fast, but his uncoordinated stepping had him wobbling every now and then. "Sharna!" I screamed, then held my chest. He turned to look at me. I couldn't make out much in the dark, there was only one track lamp that barely lit up anything. Yet he just stood there. "Fine! I'll come to you!"

I started running towards him, each breath hurt. My heart was thumping so hard and then I stopped about a foot from him. "....why?"

"Why not."

"I'm leaving, like you wanted."

"Can you really seriously believe I'd want you to?"

Sharna stepped closer, inches apart. Almost nose to nose and I closed my eyes. "Of course I didn't believe it," he said quietly and ran his fingers across my cheek. "But….I shouldn't have come here. My actions bear heavy consequences Oliver."

"Don't they all? I'm no different. And we're both so contradictory. Lying about our truths."

"I really do love you Oliver," Sharna’s fingers clasped and tightened on mine and I saw him smile. But it wasn't one of his soft, sweet smiles. No, there was a determination in it, the strength that I knew he'd always had within him but had been afraid to accept. Especially where his family were concerned. "There's something I need to do."

"Tell me why you really came here."

"....to ask you if you will wait for me, no matter how long."

"Wait?"

"I know how selfish that is Oliver, but I can't lose you."

I smiled and gently wrapped my arms around his waist. So tight….tight enough that I didn't need to answer him, but I did anyway. "I'll wait for you."

I felt Sharna shiver in my arms. It wasn't from cold, because it's far from cold, so I pulled back and saw tears rolling over his cheeks. "I'll be back," he choked. I tried to talk, but he held a hand to my mouth. "We’ll make it work, Oliver, and if we can't make our home here, together, then we’ll find a place where we can. Do you hear me? You’re mine, and I'm yours, and from this moment on it's the two of us together against anyone or anything that tries to tear us apart." He said the words so definitively and with so much certainty that I couldn't have doubted him even if I’d wanted to. And I didn't. It wouldn't be easy, but like he had just said, even if it was just him and me against the world, that would be enough. We could do a lot with just that.

"I love you." I whispered and then I kissed him, not caring about anyone or anything else but us, in this moment. And I'll wait forever for him.