Julian

"Julain," Mom's voice drifts from the kitchen into the lounge room. "Can you help your sister carry the remainder of the boxes upstairs?"

I was currently sprawled on the couch, my head back and eyes closed. My fingers itched with the drive to paint; even as my muscles ached from exhaustion. I opened my eyes slowly. "Sure!" I call back in the hopes that she hears me. On queue, as always, Raina walks into the room. She holds onto two boxes which she constantly adjusts every few minutes with her knee. Utterly amused by my younger sister's struggle, I just watch for a few minutes.

Brown eyes and brunette hair poked out from behind the boxes. "Well come on then," she said. "These boxes can't carry themselves."

I shake my head before lifitng myself off the couch to assist. I take the box on top from her hands and she willingly gives it up, practically pushing it towards me. We move from the lounge room and past the kitchen where mom could be seen sorting the pots into the pantry. Upon noticing me, she stops mid-task. Her eyes follow my every movement as we make it up the stairs before she continues what she was doing. The whole time I pretend like I haven't noticed. While the simplest gesture makes my skin shiver from the uncomfortableness.

The second floor of the house mainly consists of bedrooms and two bathrooms. While mine and Raina's bedrooms were opposite of the stairs, Mom's was further down the hall. Although they'd never tell me, it was clear to me that this reason influenced the decision when choosing a home.

"Just place it on my bed," she instructs, dropping her own when we enter her room. I follow her lead, but not before I catch a glimpse of what is inside from the open flap. "These are all books, aren't they?"

"No," she says all too quickly.

I made it a mission to stare at her. First comes the shuffling of her foot against the carpet, then the eye avoiding, and finally, she caves.

"Okay." A sheepish smile forms on her lips. "Maybe they are. But, more importantly, has anyone told you how intense your stare is? What would have lasted days of a lie with my friends only took two minutes with you."

"Or," I drawled. "Maybe your just not a good liar."

"Or," she follows suit, "maybe your just too observant."

I go to open my mouth with a response, but am stopped short when Mom's voice calls on me again. "Julian, when you're finished up there, I need you back down here." While I do understand her reasons, a deeper part of me wants to just seclude myself in my room for the rest of the day. I make my way out of the room but halt at the door when I hear Raina speak.

"Just be patient with her." Her words are soft, mirroring the smile on her face that is just for me. "You know why she's doing this."

I turn back around and give her a tight smile. Still, its something better than yesterday. "I know," I reply. " And I'm grateful."

******

Tonight was proving difficult to sleep. Closing my eyes and wishing for the darkness to consume me wasn't doing anything. Was it the new room? Or was it what would await me when I sleeped. Of what awfull memories may surface. I looked at my clock which glowed with the faint light from a lit candle near by. It read 10:30pm and I knew to look to the door where she would be standing. She was looking at me from outside my door, a pillow snuggled to her chest while wearing blue snoopy pyjamas. In silent permission, I raised my blanket up so that there was room for her to creep in.

Raina's steps were groggy as she slowly made it to my bed. Slipping inside, she made herself comfortable before I let the blanket fall around us. "I knew you wouldn't be able to sleep," she whispered while staring up at the cieling.

"Yeah," I adjust so I'm looking up at the cieling as well. "Today more than others."

She's silent for a beat before her head shifts in my direction. I don't need to see her face in the dark to know she's intensely studying my mine, the secret question on the tips of her lips. Instead, she settles for, "Well, I'm here now, brother. You can sleep comfortably. I'll watch over you." Her words have become a mantra since the beginning she visited my room in the middle of the night a month ago. And just like every time... they wrapped me up in comfort and ease. I really believed now that I'd be able to sleep with her next to me.

We shuffle once more until her back is against my chest. I wrap my arms around her, my eyes suddenly feeling heavy. Before I know it, I'm fast asleep.

****

I flick my eyes open at the creak of my bedroom door. My mother emerges from behind my door and creeps towards my dresser table. The room is dark, and so she doesn't notice that I am staring at her from my bed.

Finding the draw where she knows I store my pills, she grabs the container, unscrews the cap and checks inside. A heavy breath escapes her lips as her chest rises and falls. I notice her head swing in my direction just in time to quickly shut my eyes. The floor creaks signaling her movement. I feel her small hand brush my fringe from my face before she whispers, "Te Amo, my boy."

I wait till she rises from kneeling beside my bed. I wait until she places the pills back into the draw and closes it. I wait. Until the door shuts behind her and my body begins to quiver as I let out muffled sobs from the hand covering my mouth.

****

We pull up to the parking lot and I took the chance to peak out the window and get a glimpse of the school I'd only heard of through my mom. Being stuck in the hospital for two weeks, my mom had already decided the school before I was discharged. The instititue was coloured in brown bricks for walls and had a medium sized parking space. My eyes scanned for any security personal standing near the entrances to not find a trace.

The whole place screamed middle-class compared to Daymont. While I knew it would take me a while to get use to, I was also brightining up to the idea that this would be the perfect place to stay low until I could graduate. People now scared me.

"So I'm only coming with you to greet the prinicple and its all on you tomorrow." We leave the car and make it towards the admistration department. "This will be a great place to make some new friends and finish the rest of your studies."

I nod absentmindedly to distracted by looking around. The inside was just as small as I thought from the ourside. There was row and rows of doors squished together in the hallways that filled up classrooms. I could already imagine the struggle that would take place in order to make it to the lockers. Everything was plain, either coated in a dark green or a mud brown. Having a moment to myself, I hadn't noticed that mom was no longer beside me.

I turned my head to find her standing a few feet behind me with crossed arms. It seemed she had been standing there for a good minute and not until I had noticed did she slowly make her way back to my side. When she approaches me again, she grabs holds of my shoulder, adjusts me so I'm face to face with her. Mom always needed to make eye contact whenver she said something serious. 'It's how my grandmother raised me and it's how I'll raise you', she would tell us.

"You let me know if this is too much for you." Her voice takes on a softness as she adds, "I want this to work for the both of us." A sudden feeling of guilt takes over me at the realization that she was more nervous then she made out to be. She practically left everything behind for me.

"Yeah," I nod. "I'm sorry. Me too."

She smiles in response before dropping her hand from my shoulders."Hi principle, Bowens. No Quniton Kingsley still hasn't arrived. Yes, I did make sure to tell him about today. And very throughly at that." Mom lets the receptionist know that we have a meeting after her phone call and we take a seat in the lobby as instructed. She continues to answer phone calls in the background, her voice blending in with the soft conversations coming from the teacher's that pass and enter into another room.Most of them shift their gazes in my direction upon realising there is potentially a new student.

My skin crawls at every new set of eyes on me and slowly it feels as if a hot rock is being pressed into my backside. I suddenly can't sit still and my mind flashes to the image of headphones and the drawing pad sitting on my desk in my room.

"Mom." I lean into her on the chair beside me. "I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be back later."

"We're nearly inside-" She stops mid-sentence after noticing what the issue is. "Okay," she taps a hand on my lap. "Take your time," she reassures me. "I can always talk to him myself."

I nod and waste no time asking directions for the toilet before I'm speed walking out of there. Only when I'm fully out of the room and away from prying eyes do I feel the tension exit my body. The breath I'd been holding finally slips out of my lips.