The clock struck five in the afternoon when I decided that I wanted to forget about everything for a while. I changed my clothes, took my stuff and made sure the leash and collar of my dog were tight before leaving for a jog with him. After a slight warm up, I began to run along my pet, who went ahead of me, with his jaws wide open and his ears bouncing over his head. What I found most fascinating about going for a run was to think that I could leave any interior conflict behind me, as if my soul was faster and they got lost withing the buildings of the city. That way, I could go back home with no weight over my shoulders. Sadly, some stuff isn't that easy to leave behind.
The orange sky, with the sun hiding behind some of the hills and the buildings, was covered with a huge number of purplish stains that looked like jacaranda petals. On the streets, some people walked with shopping bags, other younglings were half-hiding in alleys with leather hoods and knives that they dangled between their hands in a presumptuous way, and there were also little kids playing near their homes. On the walls were multiple electronic signs, the empty ones covered with a black sheet, meaning they'd been vandalized and were being cleaned still. Lately, what mostly covered the walls of Culiacan were rebel messages. Sometimes I found myself crossing entire avenues illegaly mistreated and stained, crowded by violent photos, humilliating images against the government, always accompanied with messages encouraging the people to revolt against it. Rebels had proven to be stubborn, persistent and rude, sometimes disrespectful and with an anarchist and ambitious attitude. Although I never enquired a lot about their motives, it was rumored that they'd good whistleblowers and it was almost impossible to capture a high command on their organization because it was said that "they were protected by the real justice".
They constantly speak about themselves as if they were fallen angels with a mission to restore the order I gave the buildings around me a blank stare, eroded with the years, a few with plates that dated from their founding back in the nineteen forties, but were abandoned decades before, Even if they talk about peace, I just can't agree with them, there's something that just won't convince me and makes me feel furious whenever I think about their leader. I wonder if I'm being unfair with them.
I tried to push away those thoughts, speeding up, going up some staircases, crossing malls, passing next to the few ground cars compared to those which soared through the sky. The tiles of the building reflected the solar light and created small rainbows and golden crowns in the air, which I felt heavier and more wet than the usual. Would it be my own mood? Or perhaps I was waiting for something problematic to happen at any time like the rest of the citizens? I was aware of how they constantly glanced at the sky and the adjacent streets, wary on each step, waiting for an invisible enemy that could very well never attack. I wondered if the so called vigilantes knew about the fear they caused. Had they ever stop to notice the reaction they caused on the citizens and not on the top dogs of the government? Or had they ever thought about what would happen to the low-income citizens like me? Probably not.
After forty minutes, I slowed down so me and my dog could rest a little. My pet had almost eleven years and, while he still loved doing mischiefs as usual, I suspected that he would start to develop heart complications soon. Some months ago, I decided that the best for him was not to take him with me, but when I came home I always found him crying in despair, since it was like a ritual for both of us to jog together. Eventually, I gave up to his cries and opened the fence again to let him join me. Now, jogging happily and with his tail wagging from one side to the other, I could see him glance at a group of people wearing long faces, as if he sensed that something was bothering them. Then, he noticed something way before me, he stopped in his tracks, rising his tail, his face turned to one of the nearby alleys.
"What's wrong?" I asked him softly.
He didn't even look at me, he simply ran towards one of them and I paniqued: last time he behave like that, he'd found my family being consumed by flames. My legs moved when I heard him growl and saw him disappear between the walls of the alley. I was barely able to follow him, between hesitant steps and rampant heartbeats, I admit I was scared to get to the source of his turmoil because the only thing that crossed my mind were rebels harassing civilians. What if I witnessed another murder? What if I got hurt this time? I was tired of stepping on blood puddles again and again, to witness scenes that only brought me nightmares.
Coming out from between the old walls of the buildings, I spotted him running towards a group of people surrounding a young man that stood over a couple of metal boxes that he had tied together with cords. He wasn't very tall, he wouldn't be past five foot and five inches, but standing there, with an expression filled with dreams as much as severity, he looked like a leader, someone invincible, someone... from the rebel army.
"FREEDOM!" is what he shouted, and I could almost be sure that the air surrounding him moved under the strenght of his voice, "HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO LET IT BE TAKEN FROM US? What about the food for our children? What about their education? What about everything we have to pay to the government to be free? Why do we have to keep paying them for establishing laws that only affect us? WE DO NOT NEED THEM!"
Jotch stood quietly a few feet from the crowd, lightly shaking his head while he searched for something. The civilians on the surroundings where dead silent, but their attention was clearly drawn to the rebel.
" 'J' only wants peace, it's the government who has pushed him to seem like a criminal before the eyes of those he wants to save," he avidly explained, shaking his hands in the air as he watched his spectators. The sun rays formed shadows that were both gloomy and strong on his face, he had a short bear and his was scowling; I thought he might had about twenty eight or twenty nine years old, "Don't let yourself be fooled by the real enemy, for those are the ways of the deceitful! Open your eyes and ask yourselves, who is the real enemy?!"
Jotch suddenly barked and caught the attention of some of the spectators when he stuck his nose between them, pursuing his search. I called him, ashamed, but he ignored me. He reappeared at one of the borders of the circle, and I caught him by the collar before he jumped over two girls.
"Hey, quit it!" I scolded him, "You almost gave me a heart attack".
Tbe dog simply stuck out his tongue, panting and looking at me with innocence. I, on the other hand, gave him a dirty look.
"You love playing the normal-dog card when you get in trouble," I accused him, grimacing, "I'm not dumb, I know you're understanding every single thing I say".
"Cinthia…" a high-pitched and lilting voice called me.
"Anna," I said, recognizing her voice immediately, and gave her an apologizing smile. Next to her was María Andrea, both had shopping bags, "María Andrea, what are you guys doing?"
The blonde lifted one of her shopping bags.
"We went for the stuff we'll use during the chemistry experiment due tomorrow, you bought it already?"
I kept silent. I'd forgotten about it, and the worst thing was, I had no money. I imagined myself failing because of the stupid chemistry project and felt horrified about the idea. Both girls frowned when noticing how I took the news and sighed. María Andrea offered me one of her bags.
"Take them, I bought some extra material just in case," she gestured me with her fingers, hurrying me to take them, "You're so lucky I suspected this would happen, just... I could swear it was going to be Abril, not you. You never forget these things".
I hesitated for a couple of seconds before taking the bag, ashamed of not handling my the project on my own before. That last week, my head had been around my financial status over and over again, that it was not the first homework I finished right before the end of my class after forgetting about it the day after. The price of so many products in the market was rising so fast that I couldn't save enough money, my refrigerator was emptying and I was worried I'd not have enough to feed my dog the next month.
Hope ‘J’ is happy, he's going to leave me and my little companion starving I thought, suddenly angered, glancing at the young rebel. I wanted to take a stone and throw it at him, If he wants me to pick an enemy so much, then I'll crown the leader of his movement.
"Thanks, I'll give it all back to you one day" I assured her, embarrased.
"We should go," she said, when we saw a few police man getting close to the rebel, "Now."
Followed by the dog, we walked away hearing the screams and curses from the man being forced down his imaginary platform. I squeezed the bag in my hands against my chest, breathing deeply and trying to take my thoughts somewhere else, ignoring the scene. If he was arrested by a patrol, we didn't knew and we didn't care. Sometimes, it's best if you walk away from a problem that doesn't concern you without looking back.
▫ ▫ ▫ ▫ ▫ ▫ ▫ ▫ ▫ ▫ ▫ ▫
Jotch was playing with a little girl a couple of feet away from us in the parkm jumping, rolling on the floor and licking the girl's face. She'd hug him and pamper him, she'd call him with amusement and tickled the dog when he was on the floor. We, meanwhile, enjoyed the sunset over the grass, greeting the last beams of light from the Sun and their warmth.
"See that?" I pointed at my dog with bitterness, "How can he be so social when I'm the opposite?"
"It's a dog, he's naturally social" the blonde reassured me, "And I told you, you're not asocial, you're just a little sour. Your way of making friends is... different."
"That's the same," I grumbled, "Maybe I'm just too... socially coward."
"Nah, I think you're really brave." María Andrea said, smiling.
"Brave?" I laughed. Me, the girl who ran away from all of her problems... brave! "What's brave for you?"
"What's bravery to the world?" Anna mumbled, with her gaze on her mobile, her little sardonic smile on her lips that disappeared when I took it from her.
"Would you let me check it?" I asked, kindly, she puckered her lips making a silent tantrum. I concentrated on typing over the hologram that was being projected by the mobile, "Well, it says that we call brave a person who is 'capable of doing risky endeavour despite its dangers and the possible fear it might incite."
"You've done that!" my best friend insisted, "I'll never forget when you went to speak with the principal and explain her why Abril didn't deserve to be expelled when she filled the classroom floor with oil. The principal wanted to kill her and you jumped in to save her."
"Well... she did deserve to be expelled," I muttered, returning Anna her mobile, "I mean... she also ripped the fan from the ceiling and broke the board's screen."
Those were accidents, but... Abril was certainly a thing.
"I only stood up for her because she's my friends and because she wouldn't stop crying." I shrugged.
"But you did. That's the point."
"Why are we talking about this?" Anna raised an eyebrow in our direction.
"Because we're bored. These are the kind of topics you talk about when you're bored" she seemed satisfied with my answer, and smiled.
"Hey," María Andrea mumbled, her gaze lost on the trees. I hadn't realized she'd got dead serious, as if she was worried, "Have you ever been through something like that? I don't know, you're facing one of your worst nightmares and then, suddenly, it's nothing. You're not scared anymore."
"Nope, never. I just run away." Anna left her mobile as she frowned.
"I've tried, does that count?" I asked.
To be honest, whenever I thought about my nightmares, the only thing I truly wanted was for them to be the fartest from me.
"No, it doesn't count," she hugged her legs, "We're supposed to face our fears because they limit us."
Is it a coincidence that everythin is reminding me of my great-grandpa? I thought, a resigned smile on my lips.
"Well..."
A female scream interrupted me halfway, I immediately stood up to see my dog sticking his nose on an women's luch, who looked at him in complete horror. I ran towards them, took Jotch by his collar and, apologizing, I moved away from the grumpy women.
"I'm leaving," I told my friends when I arrived at their side and took the shopping bag, "I think my beast is hungry."
They laughed, standing up and taking their stuff.
"See you tomorrow" both said goodbye.
As I saw them walking away, I felt a little homesick. They were going back home, where their families would be waiting for them. At my house, no one had been waiting for me for years, and I felt quite lonely. I glanced at Jotch, and found that he was looking at me as well. I gave him a pitiful smile. I kneeled in front of him, left the bag on one side to grab his face with my hands.
"You and me are all alone, how bad does that sound?"
A small whimper came from his throat, then he raised one of his paws and waited for me to take it. I carefully took it and felt a knot on my throat, I looked into him once more, feeling at the verge of tears.
"Hey, promise me that you won't leave me. You're the only one left for me, so be good and take care of yourself, ok?"
He got closer to me and rested his head over my shoulder delicacy. I ran my arms around his back and hugged him.
What would it be of me without you? I thought, resting my face against his white fur.
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