"Breathe in and out, focusing on just your breathing. Shifting will be harder since we don't know what you actually look like, you know, hair and eye color. So, right now, picture a younger or smaller version of me."
In and out. Easy enough, just picture yourself as someone else. Regina followed Mavis's words and, nothing happened.
Letting out a growl, the wolf stood up and began to pace the small room. They had been at it since breakfast, and yet, she hadn't been able to shift.
"Luce, it's going to be harder for you, we knew that walking in. You don't have anything to base your human form, and I'm sorry. If you want, we can take a break and go see what Atta is doing."
Regina didn't want that either; it was always full of useless news. There's a pack you could be from, but we don't' have any pictures of the pups. We may know who you are, but it's a one in three chance. None of it helped, and now she couldn't even shift, what a helpless werewolf was she.
Instead of answering Mavis, Regina turned and walked through the open door. No-one stopped her, so the wolf went outside.
She liked the pack and pack life. There were three meals a day, there were soft beds and warm rooms, and Regina knew she wasn't in any danger. She wasn't fighting to survive anymore or running. She knew she could stay in the pack and be happy for once.
Still, nothing was better than fresh air under a tree. Feeling the breeze, the smell of the spring air, and just the right temperature. It was Regina's spot, hers and hers alone.
The sun was almost at midday, meaning she would have to sit closer to the tree to stay in the shade. Once in the perfect spot, Regina placed her head on her paws and watched the pack.
Small children were running around with some pack members watching over them. A group of adults was training; it seemed like someone always was. Lazy wolves like herself were sitting on the porch or near other trees, just enjoying the sun. Summer was on its way, which meant less rain and more heat.
"I knew I'd find you here. Even the pups avoid this area; you have officially claimed it as yours."
Regina spared Marissa a glance before returning her attention to the field.
"I know you can't answer, but I wasn't sure if you wanted company. You are often alone, and I don't think you enjoy it all the time."
Marissa knew her too well. How, when Regina didn't even talk, she had no idea. Marissa just knew what she was feeling or thinking without any words from Regina's side.
"I love being a doctor; I get to care for my pack and help out. But it doesn't mean much when we all have better healing, improved immune systems, and nothing attacking us. Without you, in my office, I'm beginning to get lonely."
The pup let out a huff, and Marissa laughed in agreement.
"I've heard that you've been trying to shift with Mavis; I'm going to guess it isn't going to so well."
"If I can give some advice, trust in yourself and your wolf. You know who you are, believe in that fact."
Believe in yourself; easier said than done. It had been hours of trying and failing. How could one-word change all that?
Still, it didn't hurt to try. Mavis and Atta had been at Lotta Lunare for four days now, meaning they only had three left. Unless they extended, which she didn't see happening, they would leave. Regina wanted to hug Marissa and Teresa before that.
From what she had heard from Atta, Rosalia didn't have anything more about the pack they thought she came from if she came from the Gratis Pack. Atta only knew a little information and said to Mavis earlier he would have to talk to the packs in Canada. That meant Regina only had three days to shift before saying goodbye to the people here.
Regina nuzzled into Marissa's hand before standing. She had been eating a lot more and was healthier. Instead of looking like a small pup, Regina was now taller than the sitting woman. She was still small, the warrior wolves were several feet taller than Regina, but she was still growing.
She went back to the house and found Mavis still in their room they shared. It didn't look like she had moved at all.
"So, you ready to try again?"
****
"Relax, don't worry about anything other than your breathing, In and out. Feel your muscles and how your body is moving. Let my voice fade into the background; let Speranza guide you."
Eyes closed; Regina replaced Mavis with the gray wolf. She was taller than Regina's current form, standing tall and proud. Speranza was at her full power and was ready to help.
'You don't know how you look or have any picture to base yourself off. Right now, picture a body like Mavis. Make it your blank canvas.'
Mavis was tall, not as tall as the pack members here but still relatively high. Her hair was bright and long, reaching her chest. Mavis had blue eyes that were shining with love and happiness.
The color then disappeared, leaving it blank, as Speranza suggested.
"Now the hard part, picture your wolf form changing into the human form. Back straining and lengthening, legs shifting positions, and fingers forming. Envision every step of you changing."
Her back was the first to break with a sickening crack. The wolf let out a howl of pain as it rearranged. Her hind legs followed, growing longer and bending like a human would. Snaps and pops followed as small bones snapped into place.
Her howls increased in noise when her upper body changed. Paws changing to make room for a thumb, her muzzle completely disappearing, and her neck changing angles. The pain was so intense; it didn't hurt anymore. It all felt numb and horrendous at the same time.
Finally, the howls changed as Regina's vocal cords did. Screams rang out as fur sunk back into her skin, and her ears moved down the skull. Mavis sighed, knowing the shift was coming to an end. She grabbed the mirror from the wall and placed it in front of the panting human.
She was in so much pain, Regina couldn't even describe it. If it felt like this every time, Regina was going to never shift again.
'But you made it through. Open your eyes, Regina, look at yourself.'
She tried, but it felt like she was moving a rock. Her eyelids were so heavy; she couldn't move her body an inch.
'Don't you want to see what you look like? This could be a step to finding your family.'
Regina knew she had to, and she wanted to. She was just, so sleepy.
Mustering her energy, the girl opened two tired eyelids.
Green.
Bright green, like the grass and trees.
Then she saw brown.
Long and messy, covering light, furless skin.
Regina couldn't look away from the mirror that was in front of her. This was her human form, her own body. She was, pretty.
Her hair was lighter than the others in the back, and her skin was much more delicate, closer to Mavis's skin color. This was her body, her very own.
A body that told more than her memories could. Scars lined her legs and stomach, even her arms. Regina pushed her hair behind her shoulder with shaking arms and saw that the tip of her ear was missing. Slashes came across her neck to her upper chest. Almost her entire body, from what Regina could see, was scarred. She was, ugly.
"What do you think Luce, your body is pretty cool."
Mavis looked around the mirror, but Regina didn't make eye contact.
Mavis was pale but perfect, no marks on her skin, and her hair was shining. Marissa and Teresa had darker skin with hair that was long and dark. Regina didn't look like any of them; no one had weird eyes like hers. She couldn't show these scars; they showed her messed up past.
Mavis saw her daughter inspecting her body and let out a sigh. She could see the marks; there was a giant bite out of one leg. Regina didn't see scars on anyone and would think the worst.
Mavis sat down the mirror and went to the bed to pick up a light blanket. She wrapped it around the shivering girl and lifted her shirt.
Regina looked up to thank the woman but didn't say a word. Pale pink lines decorated the side of Mavis's stomach going up and down. Another line went longwise along her belly. This perfect woman had scars just like her.
"Stretch marks. My thighs and stomach are full of them, even my arms and chest. That's what happens when you are pregnant and rapidly gain and lose weight. This mark," She traced the line across her stomach. "This shows where doctors like Marissa went in to cut out my baby."
She put her shirt down and sat in front of Regina.
"These marks have changed my life and how I think about myself. For a long time, I thought they made me ugly, unlovable. Then Atta told me he loved them, and it shocked me."
"He said, 'these marks show that you carried my child. How could I not love them?' That changed my whole outlook. These told the story of my children and how I bore them. Yours do the same thing; they show you survived."
"Everyone carries scars, that is one universal thing. Some carry them on their bodies while others keep them in their minds. Whether people can see them or not, the meaning doesn't change. You went through something, good or bad, and you changed and continued forward."
Tears filled both eyes, and Regina leaped into Mavis's welcoming arms. Neither spoke nor cried. They just hugged, mentally carrying the weight of the other's scars. They didn't know what the other went through, but both women loved the other unconditionally.
****
Regina did like her human form. She could open doors, all the door in the house! Mavis kept telling her not to, but it was so freeing! She could get food, go to the bathroom, or outside without telling anyone where she was going.
Walking and moving was difficult; she felt so exposed. Regina didn't have fur, and her belly was out in the open. At first, she would hunch over to protect herself, but Atta said that's what clothes are for. That didn't change that she was cold all the time. Fur was so much better than clothing.
Yeah, she didn't like those either. Tight and restricting, not comfortable at all. So, Regina wore Atta's clothes, they were looser, and she liked them better than the others.
The first time Regina had walked into Marissa and Teresa's office, both women were speechless. They stared for a long time, making the girl wonder if the scars were visible. Of course, they weren't; long sleeves and pants covered them.
"Oh, pup, you're beautiful!"
Marissa spoke and moved first, hugging the girl tightly. Teresa joined in, and then they stepped back and told Regina to spin. They kept saying words that filled Regina's chest with butterflies.
Uncle Liam was next, and the first thing he did was drive his knuckles into Regina's skull. She didn't get so close after that, but Liam's smile didn't falter.
Regina loved walking around; she always got smiles and nods from pack members. Blake and Tyler complimented her, even the Alpha and Gamma did. It always made her steps lighter when that happened.
Monday morning, after breakfast, Mavis took Regina's hands into her own and smiled.
"Now that you have hands, we can teach you how to write."
Regina had no idea how much she would later hate those words.
****
"Make a wide circle, not too tight or else it won't look like an O."
Regina just groaned and dropped her head to the table. It was now after dinner, and all-day Mavis and Atta had been forcing her to write. Mavis started after breakfast, just teaching the alphabet. The list was just too long to remember.
Then, when Regina had gone upstairs to visit Atta, he had made her hold a pencil and write something, she wasn't sure what it was. Eventually, she got away and spent some time outside, but Mavis found her again when she came in for dinner.
Now she was stuck tracing some stupid letters. Her hand hurt, she was tired, and none of it made sense. They shared a mind link; there was no use for learning to write. Mavis showed her a box that let you make letters without hurting your hand. She would never write; it was a useless tool.
"Okay, okay. I get it; you're tired. I shouldn't have expected so much on day one."
Regina jerked up and beamed when Mavis put the pencil and paper away. Victory!
"But you still need to learn. You never know when this will come in handy."
Regina scoffed as she moved her wrist around. Hands were helpful, but it hurt to use it too much.
"Anyways, I'll pack your stuff tomorrow morning after you get dressed. The pack is seeing us off at eleven, that means we will be home before dinner."
Mavis got up and started moving around the room, but Regina didn't pay attention.
She knew this was going to happen; it was in the plan from the beginning. Mavis and Atta stay a week before going home to their pack. That meant that if she went with them, she would have to leave Lotta Lunare.
Marissa and Teresa were dear to her. They were the ones taking care of her before Mavis and Atta came. Tyler showed her the whole pack, and Blake was always there for help. Liam was annoying but made her smile; even the scary Gamma woman made this place feel like home.
But not leaving meant Mavis and Atta leaving her behind. Regina's chest hurt at just the thought, and she knew she couldn't do that. But she knew the pup here, the layout, and the people. The pack was a safe spot, warm and secure. Did she want to risk all of that? Did she even have the courage to?
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