(Marked M for Suicide Attempt.)  

Hunter finally ended up passing out on the sofa in Devin's apartment that night. He had tired laying in bed with him as Devin asked after he came too a little while later but even in his sleep Devin was pulling at him.

Getting a call early the next morning that he was needed at the studio, big news. Scribbling a note on the white board Devin had on the fridge for him when he got up. Rushing out the door in a flash telling himself he would text Devin later to check up on him. 

Devin was dead to the world for most of the next day not getting up till well after two pm, his bladder waking him in the nic of time too. The night a complete haze to him. His head thick with fog and self hate for the hangover he was having. 

The glass next to his bed and the pain medications proved that someone was here with him at some point. Finding his phone buried in the sheets. Smith was his last call out around one am concluding it was Smith that brought him home. 

'There's food in the fridge and drink water. - H' 

Devin rolled his eyes so it wasn't Smith it was Hunter that got him from the bar. His cheeks blushing red hot as some of the nights events came rushing back to him through the haze, he threw himself at Hunter. Even begged for Hunter to have his way with him, to fuck him. 

No, No that was the liquor talking not him. He would never. 

The fridge was empty minus the food that Hunter had clearly cooked for him, it wasn't some store bought sandwich but a full on meal. Devin wanted to just toss it in the trash but his stomach growled he needed to eat something. Shoving it in the microwave pressed the three and watched as it spun around until it made him too dizzy to look at any longer. 

Smith came by later that day to check on him but Devin didn't answer, pretending he wasn't home. That time and the three days after that. The fourth day Smith threatened to bust the door in which Devin knew he could so easily do. Fuck if he leaned on it wrong it would probably bust open. 

"I'm fine, go away."

"You're not fine. Locking yourself away like this isn't helping either." 

Smith knew better than to believe he was fine. He knew that Hunter wasn't able to talk to him as well. Devin ignoring the both of them. Hell he was ignoring everyone in his life both Ash and Sunshine tired to reach out to him too. 

"I'm still breathing so I'm fine." Devin shouted a bit louder.

He wasn't fine. Devin slumped to a real low point in the past few days with himself. There alone with just his thoughts they got the best of him. They were winning. Telling him that all his biggest fears were true. That it was out that he was a faggot. That his life was over and it would be best if he just ended it and be done with all the pain he felt. 

When Smith first pounded at the door Devin was actually holding a blade to his wrist hand shaking as he tried to steady himself. This wouldn't be the first time he scared his body with a blade. 

Shocked that Hunter had never mentioned the old or new scars on his body. Sure most were covered with ink at this point but they were still there. 

"Devin let me in. I just want to make sure you're okay. I even brought dinner and it's your favorite."

"I'm not hungry." 

Devin hadn't eaten anything since the meal that Hunter made him. Smith eyed the few people that pooped out of their front doors wondering why he was yelling. 

"Let me in. I'm starting to piss your neighbors off."

"I said I'm fine. So you can go." 

Devin spoke one last time, lying. Pressing the blade down into his soft flesh the sharpness was no match for his skin, pulling it up towards himself. Hot red liquid poured out over him a quick feeling of relief washing over, numbing some of the pain he felt. 

He would be at peace soon. No longer an issue for anyone anymore. 

"I really am fine Smith. . . it's all going to be okay now." 

"DEVIN!" Shouted Smith, pressing hard against the door. The frame cracking. 

Pulling the blade up higher. It would all be okay now. 

Smith busted the door right in the frame breaking loose, hands dropping the food outside the door as he rushed in. Dialing 911 before he even turned the corner to see Devin, who was laying out on the floor. Blood was everywhere. Still pouring out from Devin's wrists. Smith grabbing the closest thing he could to put pressure on the wounds. Holding tight till the EMT's came pushing him out of the way taking over. 

Devin had lost consciousness before Smith got to him. the lack of food in his system and being dehydrated led to him faded quicker. 

Smith standing alone covered in blood in Devin's kitchen as the EMT's rolled him out, his mind focused enough to ask what hospital they were taking him to before they completely left his view. 

* * * * * * 

"We're going to be holding him for a seventy two hour psych stay. In that time he will be overlooked by a therapist who will then decide after that time if he is no longer a threat to himself or others."  

The doctor spoke to Smith as he stood outside Devin's room in the ER. Thankfully Devin hadn't changed his emergency contacts. Smith listed as the only family for him. Giving him more power to know what was happening. 

"He's lucky you were there when you were." Commented the Doctor as he walked off. 

"I'm not staying." Stated Devin, weakly from the bed leaning up as if he was ready to go.

Smith pushing hard against his shoulder, "You're staying." 

His tone was harsh towards him, "I thought we moved past all of this Devin."

This wasn't the first time Smith had caught Devin in the middle of hurting himself; the last time was so long ago when he first came to live with him. He really thought Devin had moved past the self harming. 

"You should have just left like I asked you to do." Devin spoke coldly, turning to look in the other direction. 

Smith huffing as he shook his head unable to believe what he was saying, "Keep it up, maybe next time you'll get your wish." 

Maybe he won't be lucky. Chance having Smith in the place he was both times it happened. This time Devin really wanted to die. His life was over in his mind, everything was screwed up and he wouldn't be able to put it back into place. He wouldn't be able to fix things like he wanted too. 

Tears formed in Devin's eyes as Smith looked down at him not happy with the words that just came from him but it was true maybe next time he would get his way and die. 

* * * * * * 

The three day mandatory hold over Devin wasn't any fun whatsoever. He wasn't allowed any contact with anyone outside of the hospital, not that he cared to talk to anyone but he knew Smith would like to have an update if they were over being upset with each other.

He was medicated around the clock to the point that he felt nothing but zonked out. Promised that once his body adjusted to the medication he would feel like a whole new person. 

The therapist he spoke with diagnosing him with depression, generalized anxiety, and panic disorder. Three things Devin could have told her well before the first conversation they had together. 

Released on the third day with a verbal promise that he would stick with his medication and look into the information he was given about finding a therapist to speak with at least weekly. Finishing out his stay with a follow up in two weeks to take the stitches out. 

Shaking his head as he walked out the front door, Smith waiting for him. 

"They called me." He stated simply. 

Devin not saying anything as he got into his truck eyes looking down at the bandages on his wrists. Shame had been the main feeling he's had since he's come to be at the hospital. Smith should never have seen him like that.

"I'm sorry." Mumbled Devin, glancing at Smith. 

"I know." 

Smith silent as he drove Devin back to his apartment. Not speaking till he pulled into the lot. 

"I fixed your door and cleaned up." Blood wasn't an issue for him to handle just a pain that he had to do it at all. 

"Thanks."

Smith sighing again, "I can't do this again. The first time was hard enough, this time . . . " His words trailed off, "I need you to get help. I don't know what else I can do for you. I try to be there for you. To help you but you just push me away. "

"I know. . . " 

"Look at me." Smith waited till he did, "I love you, period. I love you like my own little brother. I know you've been fucked in the past and shit I don't even know about but that's the past. It has nothing to do with me. Nothing you do or share with me will change how I feel about you, okay?"

Smith needed Devin to know that he was loved no matter what. He could care less who he found attractive or brought home at night. 

Devin personally filled a place in Smith's heart that no other person ever could. Losing his little brother many years ago to cancer, Devin took that place in his life making him not feel so empty. He needed Devin just at much as he needed him. 

"I know. . " His eyes watering up, "It's just so hard." 

Devin tapping the side of his head with his fist. His brain wasn't right. He wasn't right. 

"I know you love me and that won't ever change. I know that." 

Saying it over trying to have his brain believe what his heart already knew. 

"I love you too, more than I show you. More than I allow you to believe or think. " Devin smirked, "I owe my life to you. More than once now if we're keeping count."

Jumping out of the truck, "I'll try harder, I promise." 

Devin motioning to the paperwork he was given. Maybe speaking to someone outside of his small social circle that had a degree would do him some good.