It took us many minutes it seemed, but eventually we got down. Heidi was out of breath, but not nearly as much as I was. I sat down with my long legs stretched out in front of me.

“Don’t you ‘Gods’ ever work out?” she said snidely. “Aren’t you glad I came with you?”

“No. You might get hurt.”

“Hey, I wasn’t the one who was stuck just now. I'll never understand why you care so much about me, anyway.” She took a skin of water out of the backpack she brought, sipped some, and then gave it to me. I guzzled it.

Irritated, I said, “you make it hard sometimes.”

She giggled at that.

We took a moment to catch our breaths, needing a break, and after a moment she said, “So Joshua, if you are, indeed a God what’s life like in The Above?”

Looking for a single word, I said, “ineffectual.”

She laughed. “It’s boring?”

“No. It had no effect on me.”

She didn’t follow. “Was it supposed to?”

“No. Gods are not meant to feel much.” I answered truthfully.

“Did you…?” She prodded, trying to get more out of me.

“More than the average God; I never thought walking through a life that lasted forever was fun. I always wanted to run through life, not walk through it. But life was not meant to be fun, at least not for me.”

By her expression, she did not feel pity for me, because she thought I had everything handed to me. She had the decency not to say anything though.

“The truth is,” I decided to elaborate, feeling slightly more talkative than usual, “when you’re a God… feelings can damage anything around you. You never want to wipe out a whole village in a fit of rage, for example.”

That seemed to get under her skin. “I feel so bad for you. You hold the power over someone’s life in one hand, and destruction of their community in the other; life must be so hard for you.”

I didn’t let her get the rise out of me she wanted. “Most people would feel blessed that a God looked after them and saved their life.”

“Most people weren’t beaten black and blue their whole life. Where were you then?” She looked wounded, her eyes glassy. 

She was beginning to believe I was real, and it hurt her all the more to know that someone could watch her suffer, and do nothing about it.

“I was not meant to rescue you from every traumatic moment in your life Heidi. You must find your own way.” I answered simply.

“Why… why didn’t you help my brother?” She asked.

I glanced away from her. “I had no power over that case. He died on his own, without my assistance. I could not judge him either way.”

“That’s not fair! Why did my Father live longer than him?” She cried.

“It was fair.” I countered.

“My brother was good! Why didn’t you help him?” She was angry now.

Evenly, I said, “your brother was not good or bad, his life had barely begun. I had no hand in his death, either he would live or he would die, and he died.”

Her eyes looked distant, like she wasn’t looking at anything in particular.

I had no words of solace for her. I felt bad for her because really; I liked her… I liked her a lot. But I was not good at consoling people, and I was even worse at pretending to empathize with them. I always thought it was somewhat insulting when someone said they knew how you were feeling. There’s no way they could know that.

“I know he deserved better…” I said truthfully, “watching your father abuse the both of you was—hard—and I am sorry.”

Her eyes were wide, her mouth parted in shock. “You mean that, don't you? That’s nice…”

We got going again a little afterwards, after our legs felt strong enough to. I never knew what it was like to feel hungry or thirsty. I didn’t like it. Having a dry throat and an empty stomach was one of the worst things I’d ever felt. We walked across the barren ground and red vapors all day until we finally got exhausted and had to stop and sleep. Feeling tired was another new sensation.

Suddenly I wasn’t feeling very well. Heidi seemed dazed as well. “Joshua, I feel sick…” she coughed weakly and collapsed.

I walked over to her, feeling sick myself. My legs crumpled beneath me, and I was on my belly, gasping for air. My head was swathed in heated fear. I thought I was on the verge of death. I was coughing too; the red vapors were suddenly affecting me when they hadn't before. From a hot, pounding head, to the weakness in my legs and arms and my stinging eyes, I could not stand this feeling. I wondered if this was how the mortals felt when they were about to die…

All I could think of was Heidi. I crawled over to her and touched her shoulder, erecting a shield around her, and then I collapsed.