The battle unicorns as Chuu called them were actually “horned rhinos” which was a stupid as shit name since rhinos always have horns, wait did they not normally have horns in Terra?

The horned rhinos were large grey masses of muscle and thick oddly scaly hides. There were three of them about five meters in length each. They had long lizard like tongues that they occasionally used to lash out at the air in front of them for no particular reason. There eyes were a sort of amber color with a lizard’s silt, their tails looked like they had been stolen from a large lizard maybe a wyvern perhaps.

With a crack of my knuckles and neck I was ready to go, it didn’t matter what these things looked like they would be nothing but ash in a matter of seconds anyway. I raised my right hand into the air quickly creating a mass of flames that was equivalent in size to the horned rhinos.

“I wonder how you taste? Welp I’m about to find. OUT!”

The mass of flames dropped down smashing into the trio of horned rhinos in a matter of seconds. There was a surge of wind which kicked up dirt and smoke forcing me to shut my eyes for a moment. When they opened again I blinked slowly. Unsure of what I was seeing.

“Mmwonk…mmhwonk.”

The horn rhinos swayed side to side almost rhythmically as if they were dancing. They were completely unfazed by my flames they almost seemed happy. Not good. Their hide might have been tough but I expected my flames to do some sort of damage. Maybe if I turned up the heat.

“How about this Rage of Prometheus.” With both my hands pointed forward I unleased a torrent of flames which consumed the horned rhinos.

The bright orange and yellow flames continued to wash over the horned rhinos while the old man watched with bated breath. It wasn’t a long wait because my flames stopped a moment later. The ground around the horned rhinos was singed, while the horn rhinos themselves were orange.

Plumes of steam rose off them as their hides cooled down returning to its normal grey. This time they didn’t seem happy about the heat, glaring at me with their lizard like eyes…wait.

“Geezer. Are horned rhinos…lizards?”

The old man gave me a strange look like I should have already known the answer to that question.

“Well yeah. They’re lizards, what did you think they were?”

My eyes partially bulged out of their socked. “Hey! Then why the hell do you call them horned rhinos.”

The look the old man gave me pissed me off. “What do you mean? They look like rhinos that’s why.”

An accusatory finger was pointed at the old man. “Rhino’s have horns you idiot. So, calling these lizards, horned rhinos makes no sense. Why wouldn’t you call them rhino lizards. God, the people here must be absolute morons. No. Nope. I refuse.”

Deciding to take a stand against the sheer stupidity that seem to surround me I crossed my arms and closed my eyes. I would open them once this world or at the very least the geezer would put a modicum of effort into not being a complete imbecile.

“Uh Mao. The horned rhinos are coming.”

Nope. I won’t budge if you’re going to call them that. That’s so redundant do you have any idea….Hey, what’s with that sound it sounds like…

I opened my eyes just in time to see a charging horned rhi…no. Rhino lizard! A charging rhino lizard heading toward me. It was too close for me to move out of the way so I attempted to brace myself.

“WATCH OUT FOR THE HORNED RHINO!”

Without meaning to I turned toward the geezer with a glare as my temple twitched from irritation.

“Idiot.”

I had turned my attention a way for no more than a second or two but by the time I turned back the rhino lizard charged into me knocking into the side of the wagon. The wagon rocked to the side startling the horses as my body bounced from the wagon to the ground beside it with a very disgraceful plop.

“Are you okay? The horned rhinos are gonna make a pass at us. I need you to get up.”

My first instinct was to get up and tear those stupid lizards to shreds then I realized he was still call them horned rhinos to hell with that.

“Lis…if…do…op….ll…em…won’t…elp.”

“What? What, I can’t hear you. Blue bunny did you understand him?”

WHAT?! Chuu is not a blue bunny. What part of Chuu looks like….forget it. I’ll just wait until those LIZARD RHINOS kill the dumbass.

It took me a moment of laying on the ground but there was a slight flaw in that plan. Before I had a chance to hop back to my feet though…

“He said. Something like, listen if chuu don’t stop calling them horned rhinos I won’t help.”

“Wait you really understood that. But that’s what they’re called I didn’t name them. What horned lizards? Is that what he wants me to say?”

“Chuu thinks, battle unicorn.”

“Alright, the battle unicorns are coming this way.”

Just kill me.

Seeing as this situation was giving me a headache I got back on my feet. I hadn’t noticed it since my face was firmly planted against the ground a moment ago but some of the ore had fallen besides me when I hit the side of the wagon. Picking up a handful I decided on a plan of action.

One of rhino lizards started rushing toward the wagon, Chuu and the old man grew nervous as the large lizard continued its approach. It was a few feet away when a small stone with an orange glow dart just under the lizard’s eye scratching it. The rhino lizards changed its course turning sharply.

As it turned it began approaching me on the side of the wagon, a balled fist struck the large mass of grey muscle just below the eye knocking the creature on its side. My fist throbbed from the impact. But that didn’t deter me instead a smile crept across my face accentuated my prominent lower canines.

“Well looks like I’ll just have to force my way through.”