Elijah P.O.V

I decide to paint to regain what little I have of energy. I don't want to appear at the dinner with a gloomy atmosphere around me. They will immediately know that something is wrong and be even more doubtful of my choice of not seeing a psychologist.

I just want to finish school, pack my luggage, and go to another city to study art in university. I can't stay here any longer. I just feel like I'm an intruder, like I don't belong in this family. No matter how much Samuel and Alexander tell me they love me and consider me as their real son, I always feel like I'm just a burden. Mikael and Jaydon don't really help me with how much they tell me I shouldn't be here, that I ruin their perfect little family with all my problems.

It's true. I was, and am still, a big mess. Diagnosed with depression and anxiety at twelve years old, they had to pay for a psychologist and always be on edge around me, for fear of triggering me. I don't want to tell them or the psychologist why I'm like this, what triggers me, so they can only assume it's my parents' death and being in a family and doing things I was doing with my real parents. After a few years, I finally got rid of the shrink and the mated pair of males that was walking on eggs around me started to be like before. However, the twins never let the thing go and it only fuelled them in making fun of me and calling me names.

If only I had been more cautious and hide the scars on my wrist, nobody would have noticed. It was only a matter of time before they pick up signs, I know, but I would have liked if they understood later. Like when I'm about to leave. I would have felt less like a monster without them breathing down my neck and always asking me if I was alright. Seeing the constant worry and fear in their eyes is killing me. It is as if I'm going to take a gun out of my pocket and shoot myself between the eyes at any seconds. Unbearable.

Mikael and Jaydon would also have no opportunity to torment me because I would be away. Of course, the world is against me having a somewhat nice life, so Maxime's keen eyes picked up the signs and saw my scars and I was done for. Next thing I know, I'm in front of a psychologist with all the family at my side answering the shrink's question instead of me. At least, the lady was smart enough to forbid anyone but me from entering the room the next time. My ears and sanity thank her.

Mixing a little bit of yellow with more blue, I continue to paint the sea on the canvas. I'm more of a realist person, just like Samuel. I paint various things, but I like to do landscapes more than portraits. It is more calming for me to imagine the nature and it is easier to show my internal feelings. I'm not really one to show my thoughts on my face, but when it comes to art, I'm an open book. It is hard to paint a perfect scenery, but the emotion is easy to pass on.

I continue to paint while wondering what we will have for dinner and when they will call me to come down. I'm already dreading the conversation I know we are going to have.