Alister arched an eyebrow at the strange woman before sanding up and making his way to take a seat at the table. “What is it?” He asked as soon as he’d taken a seat.

Madeline began to twist her teacup on its saucer in a hesitant manner. “I…need you to ask me to marry you.”

Alister blinked, and his jaw dropped open slightly. “W-What?”

Madeline looked up to meet Alister’s confused stare. “And I need you to sign this contract before the sun sets.” Madeline whipped out a roll of parchment and unrolled it to reveal a magical contract.

Alister frowned at the aged parchment. “Contract?” He shook his head. “I can’t just ask you to marry me. I’m sorry, but I don’t even know you-”

Madeline’s green eyes narrowed at him. “That’s a lie. You know who I am Alister Kingsley.”

“No, I-” Alister objected.

“What’s my name?” Madeline demanded hotly before stabbing a scone with her butter knife in a vicious manner.

Alister gulped. “Madeline Hatter.”

A triumphant smile curled Madeline’s lips. “And how do you know me?”

The blood was starting to drain out of Alister’s face and he became fidgety. “You…I created you…no, that’s not right. I mean, I painted paintings of you. You’re…my dream girl. But, you aren’t supposed to be real. I thought you were just a figment of my imagination.”

Madeline’s expression turned smug. “And how did you feel about the woman you painted so many paintings of?”

Alister flushed. “I loved her, but-”

“Aha!” Madeline pointed her finger at him. “You see! You do love me. So, I don’t see a problem here. Let’s get married! Hurry up and ask me so I can say ‘yes’. And sign the contract!”

At this point, Alister was inwardly panicking. “Even if I did love you…I can’t. Not now that you’re real. I…I’m allergic to women! I can’t stand the touch of a woman…it makes me break out into hives. You’ll never be able to touch me, nor I you.” Alister rubbed his arms as he remembered Madeline crawling down from his shoulder. His arms were already beginning to feel a bit itchy just thinking about it.

Madeline was looking at the sun that was about to hit the horizon. “Alister! We don’t have time for this nonsense! If you don’t ask me to marry you and sign the contract I…” She bit into her lower lip and looked stricken. “This is a matter of life or death!”

Alister frowned. “A matter of life or death?”

Madeline nodded vigorously with an urgent look in her eyes. “Yes!”

Alister let out a heavy, defeated sigh. “Alright, fine. Madeline Hatter, will you marry me?”

Madeline let out an ecstatic squeal. “Yes! Now, hurry up and sign on the dotted line! Hurry!”

Alister signed his name on the dotted line that was at the bottom of the contract using his paintbrush. The paint glowed for a moment with a golden light before returning to its normal black color.

Madeline let out a sigh of relief. “Phew.” The sun hit the horizon and continued to set. “That was close. Thank you, Alister! You saved me, My Love!” Madeline threw her arms around Alister’s neck and tried to pull him in close so that she could kiss him.

Alister instantly regretted that he’d chosen to take the seat next to Madeline. “Ack!” He scrambled out of his chair, and raised his hands up before him in a surrendering gesture out of sheer panic. “Don’t! Don’t touch me! I warned you! You need to stay at arm’s length from me at all times! No touching!”

Madeline’s eyes were wide in surprise at Alister’s extreme overreaction to her hug, and she dropped her arms with a pout. “Alright. I understand. Well, I don’t really understand…but I get that you don’t want me touching you. I’ll try not to.”

Alister folded his arms over his chest and let out an irritated huff. “When are you going to tell me what the hell all this is really about? What’s with that contract I just signed? Are we married now?”

A sheepish and slightly guilty expression settled over Madeline’s face. “Ah, no, not exactly. You’ve just entered yourself into a tournament to win my hand in marriage.”

“I entered a what?” A vein at Alister’s temple began to throb in anger.

“You are now a contender,” Madeline explained, picked a confetti popper up from the table and launched blue confetti at Alister’s face. “Yay!”

A muscle beneath Alister’s eye ticked in irritation and he grabbed a napkin to wipe the glitter off his face. “Let me see that bloody contract!” Alister grabbed it out of Madeline’s hands and began to read:

I, Madeline Hatter, do commit to wed, love, and obey the suitor to accomplish the impossible task of retrieving a mermaid’s tear from a giant’s fishbowl in Overland before the Wonderland Eclipse ends.

My own personal help or interference will not be allowed in the completion of the task by punishment of forfeit. Contenders must provide proof of the completion of the task a.k.a the mermaid’s tear and present it to myself.

If more than one contender should complete the impossible task within the allotted time a Wonderland Joust shall be held to determine the true victor and husband-to-be.

Crimson, the King of Hearts

Clover, the White King

Chesher

Alister Kingsley

The contract made very little sense to Alister, but what irritated him the most were the other names on the contract. “The King of Hearts, the White King, and Chesher? How the hell did you end up in this mess?” He shot Madeline an accusatory look.

Madeline began to twirl a lock of her orange hair around her index finger nervously. “Well, you see, I was at the Red King’s castle…I’d been invited to Poker Night. We were playing poker, all four of us, and I got drunk. I barely remember what happened that night actually. It was the White King that told me about the contract I’d come up with the next day, and how he was looking forward to getting a chance to compete for my hand.”

Alister bristled in irritation. “You were drunk.” His tone was dry.

Madeline nodded sheepishly. “Very drunk.”

And obviously bat-shit crazy. Alister thought to himself. He could feel a headache coming on. “When’s this Wonderland Eclipse supposed to happen?”

“The eclipse is tomorrow at twelve noon,” Madeline said. “Unlike a normal eclipse that lasts only a few minutes the Wonderland Eclipse will last five hours.”

“And how do we get to this Overland place?” Alister asked.

Madeline hesitated. “I think you mean how do you get there. I’m not allowed to help you. Remember?”

A look of disbelief crossed Alister’s face. “You can’t be serious? Great, just great. Why am I helping you again?”

Madeline batted her eyelashes at Alister flirtatiously. “So that I’m not forced to marry the King of Hearts? He’s an evil, sadistic bastard. If I marry him I’d have to submit and obey him, and I don’t know if you can already tell but I’m not really the submitting type.” She gave Alister her best puppy-dog eyes.

“Right...” Alister rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and tried very hard not to think of what Madeline would look like submitting to anyone. “Well, what about the White King? He didn’t seem so bad.”

“The White King is a perverted masochist,” Madeline revealed with a roll of her eyes. “Besides, I don’t love him. I love you.”

Alister flushed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You can’t love me. You don’t even know me.” He grabbed the teapot Madeline had been using, and served himself a new cup of tea - a smaller cup this time, in order to give his hands something to do.

“You used to visit Wonderland in your dreams as a child all the time,” Madeline said airily. “We used to have tea parties together…and sometimes we’d sneak into the Red Kingdom and cause mischief…like painting the white roses red in order to help the gardeners so that they didn’t lose their heads. I do know you.”

“Wonderland…” Alister murmured to himself. The imaginary place that all of his paintings were set in. He’d dreamed of this place…and painted it. And now it turned out the place from his dreams was real. A real place. And Madeline was a real person. It was a hard pill to swallow. “Who is Chesher?”

“He’s my twin brother,” Katrina’s voice reached his ears.

Alister turned to see a pair of purple lips floating in midair. A feeling of relief swept over him at the sight. “Katrina…”

Katrina materialized in her human form, and casually took a seat at the table before beginning to pour herself a cup of tea.

Madeline shot the cat-girl an irritated look. “It’s rude to sit down uninvited.”

Katrina shrugged lackadaisically. “Then, invite me.”

Madeline’s lips thinned into a stern line. “I think not. There’s no room.”

“There’s plenty of room,” Katrina countered with a laugh as she waved her hand at the long table. “I like being a party crasher, anyways.” She started to smile until a wide, mischievous smile had stretched across her face.

Alister grew thoughtful. “That’s right. Chesher and Katrina are twins. Just like Tweedledee and Tweedledum. There are a lot of twins in Wonderland. I remember that for some reason.” Alister shook his head to clear it of such thoughts and continued with his earlier line of thought. “You could marry Chesher.”

Madeline’s expression turned scandalized. “I can’t marry an animal.” She sniffed and raised her nose up into the air in a haughty fashion.

“My brother is no animal,” Katrina snapped angrily. “He’s a gentleman.” Her tone was matter-of-fact.

“Oh, you know what I mean, Katrina,” Madeline said in an impatient manner. That’s when she suddenly narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the cat-girl. “Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be off baking raspberry tarts for your beloved Red King?”

“I’m here to help Alister,” Katrina declared in her purring voice. “He’s my friend.”

“You expect us to believe that?” Madeline scoffed. “You’re the Red King’s slave. And you’re in love with him.”

“Slave?” Alister frowned at the word, and shot the two girls a questioning look.

“Exactly. I’m in love with Crim, so I can’t have you marrying him!” Katrina pointed out.

The Mad Hatter looked skeptical. “Even if it costs him his happy ending?”

Katrina frowned. “I…I could be his happy ending.”

“That will never happen, Katrina,” Madeline said with a pitying shake of her head. “Villains never win. And villains never get happy endings. Besides, Crim is evil. He has no heart. He’ll never love you. He’s incapable of love. He thinks love can be forced.”

“You don’t know him like I do!” Katrina exclaimed fiercely. “There is good in him.”

Alister was muttering to himself. “He’s heartless. Fearless.” He shook his head of such thoughts. “I trust Katrina,” he said abruptly. “She saved my life.”

Katrina beamed and hugged Alister’s arm to her chest. “You see, Alister trusts me. You should too.”

Madeline watched Katrina hugging Alister’s arm with an appalled look on her face. She waited for Alister to freak out and shove Katrina off of him, or break into hives, but neither happened. “I thought you couldn’t stand the touch of a woman!” Madeline snapped hotly, her jealousy getting the better of her.

“Katrina is a cat,” Alister pointed out dryly. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Madeline’s complexion was literally starting to turn green with envy.

Katrina glanced down at the contract that was sitting on the table. “Ah, you need to get to Overland? Well, there’s only one way to do that. First, you’ll need a magic bean.”

“Magic bean?” asked Alister.

Katrina nodded. “They can create portals to other realms, and also create beanstalks. The beanstalk will take you to Overland.”

Alister had a sinking feeling in his gut. Magic beans? Beanstalk? Why did all this sound strangely familiar somehow? “This story sounds familiar…wait, there are going to be flesh-eating giants up there, aren’t there?” The blood started to drain out of Alister’s face, and he gulped.

“Yep,” Katrina agreed flippantly.

“I’m not going,” Alister said.

“You’ll need to steal a magic bean from the Dark Fairies that live in Underland,” Katrina continued to explain.

“Underland?” Alister echoed. Even the name of the place sounded ominous and scary. “I’m really not going.”

“You have a magic paintbrush, Silly. You’ll be fine,” Katrina reminded. “You should get some sleep first though. Then, we’ll set out. We don’t need sunlight for where we’re going anyways. The other contenders are probably going to get an early start on completing the impossible task too.”

“Why doesn’t anyone listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth?” Alister let out a defeated sigh, and resigned himself to his bizarre fate.

***

Alister was just turning down the bed in one of the guest rooms that Madeline was letting him stay in when there was a knock on the door. Ever curious, Alister walked over and opened it. There, standing in a lacey, magenta, silk negligee with a plunging v-neck that showed off her ample cleavage, was Madeline.

Alister’s eyes became glued to her cleavage. “Uh, I thought I already told you I can’t-”

“My face is up here, Alister.” Madeline giggled. “And, no, you naughty boy. That’s not why I’m here. I came to give you a change of clothes…something you can sleep in, since your clothes are all covered in Jabberwocky blood and ashes.” Madeline held out a pile of folded-up clothes towards Alister while giving him an expectant look.

Alister flushed, feeling like a lecherous idiot. How embarrassing. He couldn’t stand a woman’s touch, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate the view. And what a view it was. “Oh, yeah, right, of course…thanks.” Alister reached out and awkwardly took the sleepwear.

“They belonged to my father,” Madeline said softly with a sad, wistful look in her green eyes.

Alister frowned. “Your father…is he…?”

“Yes. He’s passed on,” Madeline confirmed Alister’s suspicions.

“I’m sorry,” Alister said sincerely.

“Thank you.” Madeline managed a small smile. “Sweet dreams, Alister. Dream of me.” She tossed him a teasing wink.

Madeline closed the door in Alister’s face before he could come up with a witty response to her flirting. Not that he wanted Madeline to be impressed by his wit or anything. Fool. He berated himself.

Alister changed into the old-fashioned, white and blue striped pj’s, and got in bed. When he closed his eyes, a sudden and unsettling thought occurred to him. If this was a dream…what would happen if he were to dream within a dream? His eyes snapped open.

So much had happened to him in such a short amount of time, Alister could still hardly believe any of this.

Wonderland.

He was in Wonderland. A place he’d seen in his dreams. A place he painted as his own little escape from the harsh realities in his cursed life.

He was in another world, but he wouldn’t be missed back home. So, it didn’t really matter where he was, in the end. Alister didn’t have any living family left. He was too eccentric to have friends. All he had were his canvases, paintbrushes, paint sets, and the world he painted. And…Madeline.

How many paintings had he painted of his ‘dream girl’ Madeline? Too many to count.