Team Ghost Office has collectively decided that we’ll try to activate the map on Saturday. We can’t have Aiden falling asleep at work multiple times in one week, so we have to put it off a little longer.

But it’s happening. It’s time. We have everything we need.

My nerves are starting to build up. I could really use some distraction, but Noah didn’t text me back. Now, finding Raj and Melanie’s house silent but unlocked, I’m wondering if I should be concerned. People in Ketterbridge do tend to leave their doors unlocked, but not when no one’s home.

I ease the door open and find the living room empty.

“Hello?” I call. No answer.

I pull off my shoes, hang up my jacket, and pad up the stairs. Noah’s bedroom door is open.

I step into his room, then take a breath of relief.

Noah is stretched out on the bed, on top of the covers, his arms lazily thrown over his head. I can’t tell if he’s asleep, or what. He has his headphones on, and they’re the clunky kind that cover his ears completely. His long hair is free from its bun, pooling on the pillow. There’s an ashtray on the windowsill, a half-smoked joint leaning against the side.

On second glance, I can tell that Noah isn’t sleeping. Going by his expression, I think I’ve caught him in a moment of complete absorption in his thoughts.

I turn to go, but then stop, realizing that his room looks different.

Most of his stuff is still packed up the way it was when Ralph dropped it off, but - not all of it. Noah’s pulled out a few things. He’s got his shoes lined up in the closet, most of his clothes put away, and he actually bothered to put up a small, faded poster of A$AP Rocky on the wall by the bed. The original version of Ripley’s snow leopard drawing is tacked up next to it.

There’s a bouquet in a vase on the dresser, presumably brought back from one of Melanie’s events. A cluster of autumn flowers, in warm colors: burnt sienna, burgundy, apricot. I move over to take a look at them. They’re still fresh, sweet-smelling.

A mirror sits on the dresser, and propped-up against it is a polaroid. It’s a shot of a much younger Noah, with no tattoos, his hair short and wild. He’s with a girl who has the same black hair, the same grey eyes, and a dimpled smile much like his. They’re together on a beach, with kid-sized, beginner surfboards tucked under their arms.

Also sitting against the mirror is a scrap of paper, with a scrawled note in Raj’s handwriting.

Noah - grown men are supposed to own a blanket, not just sheets, you dumbass! Enjoy it. :)

Turning back to Noah, I realize that there’s a new blanket on his bed. A soft-looking thing, in a deep, sea-green color. His head is tipped slightly to the side, and his cheek is resting against it.

I cross to his bed, sit down next to him, and gently prod his ribs with my finger.

Noah stirs, a smile quirking up his lips.

“Raj?” he says softly. “Tu fais quoi? I thought you left. What, you miss me alr-?”

He breaks off, having opened his eyes and found me there instead.

“Hi,” I say, as Noah sits up. He pulls off his headphones and tosses them aside, blinking in surprise.

“What are you doing here, dude?”

“Well, you didn’t answer my text, and since you’re always just showing up at my place, I figured I’d just show up at yours.”

Noah feels around in the bed, then extracts his phone from beneath the blanket. “Oops. Sorry, didn’t see it.”

He reaches for the joint, digs a lighter out from his pillows, and offers me both.

“So you’re talking to Raj in French, now?” I ask, lighting up. “He’s gotten that good at it?”

“No, he definitely hasn’t,” Noah says, so firmly that I laugh. “But he said that it helps him if I use it sometimes. Honestly, I think he just likes the way it sounds, cause if it’s helping his pronunciation, I haven’t seen it.”

I laugh again, letting a puff of smoke through my nose, then pass him back the jay.

“What were you thinking about so hard?”

Noah shrugs, blowing out a neat little row of smoke rings.

“Nothing. I’m baked already, man, my brain is empty.”

This is an obvious lie, and I’m tempted to say as much, but I stop myself. People tend to put up walls when they feel like they need a place to hide, and I’m not about to tear down Noah’s just because I’m curious. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

My hope is that he’ll eventually feel comfortable enough with me to take them down, himself. So I let it go.

“That picture on the dresser,” I say instead. “Is that your sister?”

He nods, smoke dribbling over his pierced bottom lip. “Noelle.”

“Noah and Noelle?”

“My parents thought they were being cute, I guess.”

My mind drifts back to the day Noah first decided to move in with Raj, when I caught him in the hallway leaving a voicemail for his sister. He said he knew that she wouldn’t pick up.

“Have you talked to her recently?” I try. “Noelle?”

I kind of expect Noah to change the subject, but instead, he thinks about his answer for a minute, rolling the joint between his fingertips.

“No. It’s been a long time since we last talked. Kind of fucked everything up between us, all those years I spent with Ralph and Grant. Guess I missed too many important things. And when I did show up, I was - it probably would have been better if I hadn’t.”

I draw back, startled that he would share all that, especially because it goes beyond the bounds of the question I asked.

Once I get past the surprise, my heart twists for him. There’s a darkness in his expression that makes me think the situation with Noelle sits heavy on him.

“Well - maybe you can fix things, now? If she’ll let you?”

“That’s what Melanie said.” Noah hands over the joint, but doesn’t look at me. “She really thinks that I can fix it, for some reason. It’s fucking weird, it’s like she believes it so much that now I sort of believe it, too. I’ve been - thinking I might try again. Dunno.”

I find myself smiling, and Noah groans loudly, irritated that I’m so obviously proud of him.

He flops onto his back again. “You’re so annoying, Keane!”

“Is this what you’ve been thinking about so hard recently?” I ask, stubbing out the jay. “The sitch with Noelle?”

Noah hesitates, then nods. “Yeah, it’s that.”

Again, clearly a lie. It’s fine, though. I’ll let it slip. This may not be what’s sending Noah on long drives or into long spells of silent thought, but it’s something personal, and he shared it pretty willingly.

Before I can think of how to answer, Raj appears in the doorway.

“Noah - oh, and Jamie! Hey, man!”

“Hi, Raj!”

I’m sitting cross-legged at the end of the bed; Noah is still sprawled out on his back. Raj comes over and takes the empty space at Noah’s side. He flattens onto his back, too, then lets out a contented sigh.

Noah shoots him a questioning look. “I thought you had an errand to get done?”

“A very quick errand.”

“What were you up to?” I ask.

“Dropping off the rings to get resized. The wedding’s pushed off until the baby gets here, but you know. Don’t want to leave it to the last minute.”

Noah, who had tipped his head towards Raj while he was talking, turns away again, looking up at the ceiling.

Raj’s eyes flit to him. He notices right away that Noah’s smile is gone.

He sits up, swivels around, and drops onto his back again. His head falls to rest on Noah’s stomach.

Noah lets out a surprised oof, but then laughs. The laughter seems to pass through him to Raj, who grins.

I swear it’s like Raj knows all of Noah’s cheat codes, how to make him smile and laugh when he wouldn’t otherwise. Thank god he’s been around for every instance of Ralph showing up, to stop Noah from spiraling into panic and self-blame.

I think that Raj’s own unwavering good mood has a contagious effect on Noah. It’s not that he leaves him alone in his anger or fear. It’s more like he stays out so he can pull Noah out, too, and that’s just what Noah needs. When that anxiety hits, Raj can help from a place of gentle acceptance, instead of getting pulled up in the whirlwind.

I expect Noah to push Raj’s head off of his stomach, but he doesn’t. Living with someone as snuggly as Raj probably gets you used to this type of thing pretty fast.

“Hope you didn’t come back here because you need my help with a job today,” Noah tells him. “Because I’m stoned, and in my experience, doing electrical work while stoned-”

“No, dude, just missed you already,” Raj yawns. “I don’t even have a job today.”

Noah shakes his head, a half-checked smile on his face.

“You’re such a cuddle guy, Raj,” I laugh.

“Seriously.” Noah starts laughing, too. “We could be running for our fucking lives, and this guy would find a reason to stop for a hug.”

“No!” Raj protests.

“Yes,” I answer, still laughing. “The most dangerous thing you can do in Ketterbridge is stand between Raj and a snuggle opportunity.”

“Okay,” Raj groans, but Noah’s laughter is making his head bounce around, and soon he dissolves into laughter, too. “So I have a lot of love to give! I won’t apologize for that.”

I poke his socked foot. “Isn’t that why you have a fiancée?”

“I’ve got more than enough to go around, bro. No such thing as too much love.”

Noah opens his mouth like he’s about to argue, but Raj twists to smile up at him.

Noah stops, smiling too, and doesn’t end up saying anything.

This dimple-smile Noah, with Raj’s head on his stomach, cozy in a bedroom that’s finally starting to look like him - it’s almost hard to connect him with the version of Noah that showed up at my apartment that first time. He was so angry that he was almost crying, and he tried to take it out on my face.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him that pissed off. In fact - it’s been a while since I’ve seen him angry, at all.

There’s a physical difference, too. Yes, his thumb has healed, and his black eye has faded away, but it’s more than that. His eyes are brighter and sharper, his body language more relaxed. His energy not so restless, his face much faster to break into a smile.

Especially around Raj.

Watching them together, I think I understand why.

Aiden said that Noah has never had a friend like Raj before, and I’m just now starting to grasp how true that is. Ralph has been Noah’s closest friend for the last eight years, and Raj - he couldn’t be more the opposite of Ralph.

Ralph relies on secrecy, manipulation, masks and disguises. Raj keeps his acting to the theatre, to Shakespeare. Off the stage, he’s such an open book. He won’t pretend he doesn’t want a hug. Won’t pretend he didn’t miss Noah while they were apart. He won’t pretend about anything.

I can’t imagine how it feels for Noah, to not have to wonder if what Raj says and does comes from a place of truth. After the constant, uneasy, powder-keg intensity of living with Ralph, after so many years of struggling to separate what’s real, what’s fabricated, and what’s imagined... living with Raj must be like a much-needed gasp of air for Noah.

Only he doesn’t have to gasp for it. He can take as many long, deep breaths as he wants, because Raj never treats him like something to be discarded at the first inconvenience. He treats him like the opposite of that. Someone to be protected, but not pitied. Held close, but not crushed or suffocated. There’s warmth in every word he speaks to Noah, and I think Noah is finally really starting to believe it, let himself feel it, and reflect it back.

That’s the key difference between Ralph and Raj. Ralph was always looking for a pretext to lash out at Noah, but Raj… Raj is always looking for a way to make him smile.

It’s no wonder that it’s had such a huge effect on Noah, made him so much less tense, so much calmer.

Now that I think about it, Noah is like this with Melanie, too, but it’s a little different. He still seems happy, but there’s a tiny bit of nervousness still clinging to him when she’s around. I’m not sure why it is, but I definitely feel it from him. I doubt it’s because he doesn’t trust her. I think that he trusts her just as much as he trusts Raj, if he’s taking her advice on how to handle the situation with his sister.

Whatever the cause, I’m sure that Noah will get past it.

~~~~

I don’t realize I’m about to walk into Melanie until she waves a hand in my face. I was coming down the driveway, and she was headed up. We’ve inadvertently met in the middle.

“Oh - hi!” I rub my eyes, trying to gather my stoned self together. “Sorry, I was just on my way out, I didn’t see you!”

“It’s okay.” She’s smiling brightly, clearly in a good mood. She tucks her car keys into her jacket pocket, then smooths out her loose, coral-colored dress. “Are my guys inside?”

“Yep, they are. We were, um. Smoking, and watching Planet Earth.”

Melanie laughs, tossing her braid over her shoulder. “Of course.”

“What were you up to? You seem happy.”

“I am!” She beams at me. “I just went to ask Dahlia to be my maid of honor, officially, and she said yes! I mean - I knew she would, obviously, but it’s still exciting. You remember Dahlia, don’t you? From high school?”

“Oh, yeah!” I zip up my jacket, my breath frosting on the air. “How is she?”

“She’s a peach, always has been.”

“Has Raj picked out his best man?”

“He hasn’t said anything, but I’d say it's safe to assume it’s gonna be Noah.”

“Aw!” I smile down at her, warmed by the thought. “Cute! Maybe he and Dahlia will hit it off at the wedding.”

I blink in surprise as Melanie’s smile suddenly wavers, and falls away.

“Oh, you - you think?” She stuffs her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “I don’t know. Noah and Dahlia? I don’t - I don’t see it.”

I’m sort of confused by this reaction, honestly.

“Dahlia wouldn’t be into him?” I ask. “I figured the grey eyes probably appeal to the ladies. Sort of unusual, aren’t they?”

“They - yeah.” Melanie nibbles her lip. “They really are.”

The door of the house opens, spilling out warm light. Raj and Noah both lean outside. Matching smiles spread across their faces when they spot Melanie.

“M! We thought we heard you pull up!” Raj strides down the driveway, and Noah follows, pulling on his hoodie. “Come inside and finish this episode of Planet Earth with us. It’s about oceans. We paused it, because you need to see this dope school of fish.”

“Apparently there are a thousand fucking fish involved in that thing,” Noah tells Melanie, and then, turning to Raj - “Dude, imagine if we rolled with a posse that big.”

Raj grins, then tugs Melanie’s hand. “C'mon, you gotta see this shit.”

“Sounds like I do,” Melanie laughs. “Catch you later, Jamie.”

“Later,” I call, setting off again.

I glance over my shoulder when I get to the sidewalk.

Melanie is leading Noah and Raj back up the driveway. She’s walking between them, holding Noah’s hand with her left, Raj’s with her right. Noah says something I can’t quite make out. Whatever it is, it makes Raj and Melanie both start laughing again.

I don’t know why, but I stop there at the end of the driveway, watching until the three of them disappear into what I’ve started thinking of as their house.