Read The Strange Tale of Beatnik Island :: Tea Party

“I’m worried about it.” Ikuko says, pulling me from my daydream.

I look around.

Oh. We’re on the terrace. Right. There’s something stuck in my throat, like I’ve just caught myself mid-gasp. My whole body feels numb, but I feel tingling in the back of my spine. The birds chrip. The sun shines. The distant sea is calm.

Her expression quickly turns to that of concern. “Are you okay, Tohya?”

I touch my forehead. Ow. “Yeah. My head hurts a bit. Sorry.”

She stares at our teacups. “I knew this tea was on the stronger side, but…”

I clear my throat. “Anyway. You were saying?”

“Oh. Yeah. Tsujiko and Shiro’s romance. I keep going back to it. The conclusion feels fine, and the more I’m willing to believe that it’s ACTUALLY-actually good. But… that’s making me all the more nervous.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the payoff reads well… But I feel it to be almost… Hm. Too strong? Too good?”

I chortle. “What? Your writing has ascended the measly low-class of crime fiction? Are you gonna go back and make it bad?”

She rests her head on her wrist. “I mean, it’s too good in comparison to the rest.”

“What’s wrong with the rest?” I ask.

She sighs. “The romance itself feels off. I’ve always told myself I wouldn’t fall into that pitfall, but I guess it was inevitable. Crimes are just way more interesting to write about than the lovey-dovey stuff. So much so that I’m not sure it’s… believable.”

“What’s there to believe?” I shrug. “Two people like each other. Bam. Done.”

“Well, it’s not that simple, is it? Mystery fiction always have a ‘love at first sight’ type of deal, which is always hard to sell. Not to mention, you focus too much of it, it becomes too boring.”

I nod. “I see. Like in Roger Bax’s ‘Blueprint for Murder.’ Whenever it got to the romance scenes, I just skimmed through it. The murder stuff was just way more interesting.”

“Mhm. If you only have it just for the sake of having it, nobody will pay attention to it – why have it at all, then? That’s the more common one, honestly.” She looks off to the side. “There’s also those that barely develop a romance but have a big emotional climax about it. And it falls flat. Because, again. You don’t really care.”

“You’re worried you fall into that category.”

“Me? No.” He raises her cup. “WE fall into that category.”

I stick my tongue out. “Hey, don’t put this on me. I gave you a totally workable, emotional backstory.”

“Yes. It IS an emotional backstory. On paper. And I exposited said backstory.”

“And you did that – shock of all shocks – on paper.”

“Being clever, are we?”

“I AM clever. You said so yourself.”

“Hoh? When?”

“Once or twice.” Probably. Maybe not in those exact words. I think.

“What’s your solution to this conundrum, my clever little man?”

“Oh, I’m little?”

She winks. “You’re also ‘mine.’”

I focus my attention on the tea. “Well, there’s nothing to do. It’s already in the publisher’s hands. It is what it is.” I scratch the side of my face. “Besides, you know. Maybe sometimes love doesn’t need a huge, 200-page lead-up to it. Things sometimes just happen. That’s life. Backstory, no backstory. We react in ways that surprise even us. Because we’re all good in making up stories and seeing the world a certain way. All a book needs is that one certain perspective. Could be true. Could be false. But it is THEIR perspective. Most books will take the chance to bring those up, only to have them be crushed into a sea of illusions. Say it was all a lie. That they didn’t understand. That’s usually how it is in real life, to an extent.”

I tilt my head. “But you know. There are always exceptions. Sometimes those perspectives, warped as they are, can match between those two people. And even if the world looks on in surprise and mockery, it doesn’t make it any less real. Maybe one of them will wake up one day and realize they weren’t looking clearly enough. Maybe there’s a time limit to everything. Maybe they won’t. Maybe two people can be just that good at keeping each other’s warped views justified. By being the people they think the other deserves. Maybe that’s what love is.”

I cough. “What I’m trying to say is… Uh. I’m not really sure where I was going with this, I guess. Love is just kind of complicated. Not always in a good way. But it could be good. I think it is, in the long run.” Ultimately, I can only shrug. “As I said. Is what it is. Anyway. Mysteries. Murders. You know, the other day, I read—"

“It is what it is…” Her index finger touches her bottom lip. “Say, Tohya?”

“Hm?”

“If an omniscient being saw our story, would he believe me if I said that I would do anything for you?”

My heart skips a beat. “Wh—Where’s that coming from… all of a sudden…?”

“You’re right. Forget about omniscient beings. Who cares what they hear? This is about us. Do you believe? Do you believe me when I tell you that I would do anything for you?”

I blink. “Ikuko…”

“…I should be clear. It’ll sound weird otherwise. I’m not in love with you. That would be… strange. Even if you were to take away the age difference. No. I love you, but in the same sense in which I love myself. Your presence is natural. Comfortable. It fulfils me.”

“Kind of like Bern, I guess?”

She shakes her head. “Bern is… a cat. As much as I hate to admit it, there will come a time where she dies. Owners must outlive their pets. It’s just sad otherwise. I mean, it’s sad either way. But it’s sadder, leaving an animal alone, I think.” She takes a sip of her tea. “You’re, obviously, not a pet. You’re more than that. You’re my friend. My… companion.”

I don’t know what to say.

“And I… I need to know… I need to hope…” She sighs. “That the reason you’re still with me… it isn’t because you have nowhere else to go, is it? I haven’t… manipulated you into believing you only need me? Have I? You’re here… Because you want to be with me… Right?”

I nod. “Of course, I—”

“Of course, if I HAVE manipulated you, you’d still be manipulated. And you’d have no way of knowing any better.”

I look her in the eye. “Ikuko. I… I know who I am now. Who I was, at least. I know what lies beyond this little town. I know what’s on the other side of that sea. I know I have a sister to go back to. I know… the other ‘me’… was good with people. Plenty of friends. Most of them would make good contacts. I could leave, true. I could pack what little things I have, get in a taxi, and fly wherever I wanted. I could make a killing on just the name alone.

“But I don’t want to. I don’t want to go.

“Because, I love you too, Ikuko. And yes. I really do believe you’d do anything for me. Just the same as I’d do anything for you.”

She breaks eye contact. “I’m… I’m happy to hear that. Truly.”

My head hurts.

“I’m really happy… that you told me that… now… at the end…”

I realize.

She’s crying.

I’ve never seen her crying.

“I… Ikuko?”

“I carried you even when I could not feel my own breathing. I was so scared. Not for me. I was so scared of falling. Of hurting your body. I was scared you were even worse-off than me. I was scared I was carrying a corpse. You’d passed out a mile ago. But I kept going.”

“Ikuko…”

“I wasn’t going to give up. Even if I died, it was okay. I couldn’t have imagined life the other way around.”

“No. No, no. No.” I clutch my head. “No! No. We’re sitting… in… in the house. Everything’s fine. We never got on that flight—”

“You know that’s not true, Tohya.”

“No. No! No… No, you don’t understand. You don’t understand…! If… No. No, you can’t be dead. Because, then… Then… Then I failed you. I made your sacrifice mean nothing. I lost. I lost to him, Ikuko! I—”

She puts her hand on my cheek.

“It’s okay.” she whispers.

“Damn you. Why couldn’t we just stay on the plane…?!”

“Because it was flooding, silly. Between dying in ice cold water or the island, I was going to take my chances on the island.”

I shake my head. “It can’t end like this. Please.”

“There’s only so much I can do. There’s only so much cleverness can give us.”

“You’ve spent your whole life reading books about problems and how to solve them. And now… You can’t even… Hah… Think of anything?”

She purses her lips. “You can’t either, can you?”

I laugh. “Fuck no.”

A large shadow is cast over us.

I look to the sea.

I see the clouds that have snuck up on us.