“Mizuki..?” Settia’s voice bored into his dreams. “Wake up .”

He cracked one eye open. A dull annoyance rising within.

“Nh, what do you want..?” his voice came out rusty. His body still felt heavy with saffron buns.

“You need to get up!”

“Why, is the building on fire..?” he muttered, turning away from Settia’s unusually demanding voice.

“We’ve got things to do!”

“No we don’t, I told you, I’m slacking today.”

“Precisely!” Settia yanked his duvet and snug warmth away, exposing him to the chilled room.

“Settia!” he pulled his knees to his chest, huddling up against the wall to protect himself from the sudden chill. “What do you want?”

“You need to get up,” Settia announced, as if he hadn’t made himself clear already.

The previous night had felt like a kind of turning point in their relationship. Somewhat surprised by his own leniency, Mizuki was starting to set aside their strange circumstances; beginning to see Settia less as a stranger, and more like…something else? He was still full of questions, but they weren’t as pressing. There was still some awkwardness, sure, but far less noticeable. After the (for him, somewhat uncharacteristic) food fight, it had felt like something had loosened – though right now he felt more like kicking Settia out of the house.

“Uh,” he blinked sleep out of his eyes. “What are you wearing?"

His tired eyes wandered up and down Settia and the red suit he was dressed in.

“Uniform,” came the matter-of-fact reply. “Here’s yours. Put it on, hurry!”

He tossed a red bundle onto the bed.

“Uniform..?” Mizuki yawned. “What are you talking about?”

He looked closer at the outfit Settia had thrown him. It matches Settia’s, and, he realized; it was a Santa costume.

“Where did you get these and why do you think I’m gonna wear it?”

“I got them yesterday, when I signed us up.”

“Signed us up for what, Settia?” he stared, dumbfounded.

“We’re doing some work today,” the other man smiled. “Now get up and put it on.”

“Let me shower first,” Mizuki grumbled, getting to his feet. He sensed that he’d need to be properly awake for whatever came next.

                                              ❋❋❋❋

“Alright, explain?”

He regarded Settia, thinking about how tenacious he’d proven to be at times.

“Are you about to tell me you’re really one of Santa’s elves or something?”

“Today,” Settia replied with a wry smile. “So are you.”

Mizuki glared back at him, demanding a better explanation.

“When I went out yesterday, I signed us up to do some volunteer work,” Settia replied. “I want to show you something.”

“Show me what?”

“Purpose.” Settia pursed his lips. “And gratitude. It’s part of my mission.”

“This again?” Mizuki drew a sigh. “Who gave you this mission exactly?”

“I’m sure you know,” Settia winked at him. “I’m doing this for you, you know. And today we’re doing something for someone else.”

“Fine, just tell me what it is.”

“You and I are going to hand out sweets at the children’s hospital,” Settia said calmly. “Even you can’t be opposed to that, I’m sure?”

“Of course not!” he fired back, indignant. “But why?”

“Because,” Settia was just as calm. “More than anything, this season is the one to do something for others. And those kids will be thrilled, I promise you.”

Mizuki gawked at him, and at the heap of clothes on the bed. While he hadn’t had any particular plans for the day, this definitely hadn’t been it. Moreover, he was surprised by the sudden assertiveness that had come over Settia. But he couldn’t very well refuse. He wasn’t so heartless as to let down sick kids – even if it meant putting on a silly costume.

“Okay, you got me. I’ll wear it.”

                                                  ❋❋❋❋

Walking through town, he felt incredibly stupid and exposed.

“I look like an idiot…”

“You look cute!” Settia assured. He looked delighted.

“Wrong answer,” Mizuki’s sigh came out as a frustrated cloud of white. “And what about you? You actually suit this outfit!”

He cast a sidelong glance at the man walking cheerfully by his side.

“I’m almost starting to believe you are one of Santa’s actual helpers!”

“Since when do you believe in Santa Claus?” Settia nudged him in the side with his elbow.

“Oh shut up, of course I don’t.”

“You do today,” Settia reminded him. “Be careful in front of the kids. And otherwise, believe whatever you want.”

There was something in the way he spoke those words, weighing them as they left his mouth… Like he was implying something. Mizuki shook his head, fixing his gaze at the hospital that spread out before them.

“Ready?”

“Naturally.” Settia nodded.

                                                   ❋❋❋❋

At first, he felt awkward and out of place. Walking through the corridors, behind Settia who was already so set in his role; chatting and laughing with everyone, already singing and making a festive spectacle of himself. He soon learned to swallow his humiliation however, as they were handing baskets filled with sweets, gingerbread and candy canes, and followed behind a chipper nurse in a Santa hat down the corridors.

As they visited the wards, handing out treats and chatting with the kids, Mizuki found there definitely was something to Settia’s words; the kids all lit up when they came in, no matter how sick they were, and at their bedsides were teary-eyed parents, full of gratitude. It was a lot for him to take in. He wished they could do more – what good was candy, in the face of their struggles? He forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat over and over, and as if by instinct, Settia would reach for him every time; stroking his shoulder; his back; or taking his hand briefly.

Once they’d made the round, the nurse took them to a large room furnished with colorful designs, pillows and toys, and a shelf holding movies, books and board games.

“Alright,” the nurse clapped her hands, “Are you ready?”

“Now what?” Mizuki whispered in Settia’s direction, leaning close.

“Now,” the nurse continued, “The kids will all come in here with their wish lists. You accept them and bring them back to Santa, of course.”

She said it with a smile and a wink.

“But we’re not—“

“We’ve got some really nice corporations donating toys and clothes every year,” she explained. “So you just leave the lists with the receptionists. They do the rest. And on Christmas Morning, Santa will pay a visit. The kids love it.”

“I’m sure they will,” Mizuki nodded. He felt Settia’s hand close around his arm, squeezing gently.

“And Settia, I can’t believe we already received such a big donation. Thank you so much for pulling strings.”

“Huh?” puzzled, he turned to look at Settia, who merely smiled secretively.

He had no time to dwell on the question, as the instructions continued.

“After you accept the lists, we’ll serve some cocoa, and you’ll read for them. I honestly can’t begin to explain what it means to them – and to us.”

Mizuki looked away, feeling like an imposter. What was he supposed to say to that? That he was worried it would shine through that his heart wasn’t in it? That he wasn’t really an… elf or whatever? He couldn’t, he just had to try to follow Settia’s example. He certainly was in his right element, and the kids adored him and his convincing stories.

So when the kids came in, bubbling with excitement and with their lists in hand, he plastered a grin on his face, and settled on the floor next to Settia. Set on mimicking him as best he could:

“Wow, that is one long list!”

“Don’t be shy, we’re super curious to hear what you want for Christmas!”

“Have you all been good this year?”

And; “Of course he’s real! But Santa is super busy before Christmas, so he sent us instead!”

Soon, he found himself able to relax, feeling more secure in himself and laughing honestly with the kids.

Even when a young boy crawled into his lap and handed him his list, he felt calm.

The list was written in childish letters, some of which were backwards.

Mizuki read up; “Legos, Star Wars and Frozen on DVD? You’ve got good taste! Pokèmon games…and Joy?” he looked down at the boy. “You’re wishing for joy?”

The little boy nodded, sucking on his candy cane. “Yes,” he said, a bit muffled, “Because Christmas isn’t all about presents. It’s about happiness as well.”

Surprised, Mizuki stuttered; “Well, that’s…very true! S-Santa couldn’t agree more!”

“And,” the little boy’s eyes had a new gravity to them, “My mommy’s so sad. I want her to be happy.”

“Oh…” Mizuki swallowed hard. “You know what? I’m sure your mommy gets so much joy from having such a clever little boy.”

The child broke into a grin; “Yes!”

As it turned out, that little boy wasn’t the only one proving more insightful than he had ever imagined.

List after list had similar wishes: ‘Happiness’, ‘Peace’, ‘Kindness’, ‘Coming home for Christmas’, ‘Getting well’. Each one hit him like a punch to the gut.

As they packed up that afternoon, he was feeling emotionally drained. He had to step outside for a bit while Settia conversed with the receptionist.

His chest swelled and hurt at the same time.

                                                   ❋❋❋❋

As they neared the house on their way back, he stopped in his tracks, drawing a shaky breath.

“Are you okay?” Settia’s voice was full of concern.

“Yeah, I just…” he swallowed. “That was—“

He failed to find the words. And then Settia was with him; embracing him, holding him close.

“I know.” He murmured, tightening his grip.

He was freezing.

“You’re so cold…” Mizuki whispered into the embrace.