Thinking about it now, I shouldn’t have gone that night, but I did. Asher picked me up in the evening. It was just between an average persons dinner and bed time. Not much of a plutonic date could happen then. Though, we did meet up with his friend that he lived with and watched a movie together with him.
His name was Tim. After this movie we all stepped into the garage for a smoke. Tim left and went to bed only a few minutes after lighting his cigarette, leaving Asher and I on our own. We smoked in a calm silence until Asher started talking about what things were like here in his new place. He sounded so refreshed.
After chatting for a bit we moved to his room. I can’t remember much now if he even intended to take me home that night, but I didn’t.
I stayed. It was like a long term fantasy come true. I’d plopped myself on his bed in a playful way. Really, I was just seeing how comfortable his bed was since he had just bought it less than a month ago. I reached and felt the quilted leather headboard, slightly cool from the lack of heat in his room. He turned the tv on and sat down on the foot of the bed.
The atmosphere of the room was thick. It was clear, but thick with anticipation. I’m not sure if the anticipation was just my own, but he shut the light off and laid down on his bed with his hands up behind his head. He acted as though he didn’t have any other intentions until I sat next to him Indian style...in the dark. I pretended like I was focused on the tv, all the while I was freaking out inside my head.
My heart was racing and I wasn’t really sure what was going to happen next. He wasn’t really silent the whole time. He brought up random subjects to avoid the mood from going stale. Suddenly, he sat up and gently grasped his left hand behind my neck, kissing me like he’d waited for years. I kissed back the same way, losing myself in my own desires.
Not even skipping a beat with his tongue in my mouth, he slipped my hoodie from my shoulders and slid his hand up my shirt. I grasped onto his chest, then reach up to wrap myself around him sitting on the bed. He swiftly unsnapped my bra and removed it with my t-shirt. I was now straddled on his lap, shirtless, while he wrapped his arms around my hips. I hugged against him with my arms around his broad shoulders, knocked his hat from his head and ran my fingers through the tufts of red hair that had been flattened from his ballcap.
I kissed him again. He changed his position and laid me on the bed underneath of him in one smooth motion. Kissing me like he’s been starved and myself matching his pace. I’d lost myself entirely to him. The events of the evening, now, are like photographic moments in my head and the feelings I had in those moments. The color of the room with the lights off and how it felt when he first touched me. First penetrated me like our bodies and souls were one. The flow and ecstasy.
Unfortunately, the next morning I woke up with the worst cramps of my life. My period was pissed or he was bigger than I realized. I stayed with him for the better part of the next day. We spent time with his friend Tim and lounged in the living room. The air felt weird.
Asher acted like nothing had even happened. He acted like I was a side note, which is the last thing I had expected after the night we just had. I took the hints and acted the same. I didn’t want to feel like a fool any more than I already did. Later in the evening he took me home and went on his way.
Despite the way he treated me throughout the day, I was still enlightened by the night before. It made my heart flutter and I couldn’t believe that after nearly two years and all of the problems we had, that this would happen. I didn’t hear from him for a few days after this. He finally stopped by towards the end of the week, but still acted like nothing happened. I was starting to get a bad feeling from it.
I think he began to notice this because he asked me out again. We never went anywhere on dates. I was two months shy of my eighteenth birthday and he was 26, so thinking of it now, he might have been ashamed or simply waiting. Either way, I loved being with him and never cared to notice much else. I was naïve.
Shortly after I started seeing Asher, my brother Taz came home from Maine. His fiancé and mother of his youngest son was cheating on him. He rented out a cheap motel room and lived there for a while. Asher and I would come visit from time to time and I think Taz picked up on a vibe. Taz was in a terrible spot in life and he hated that his best friend was involved with his sister.
Taz told me that he didn’t want me to date his friend, but I ignored it thinking he was just jealous that I’d stolen Asher from him. I still don’t know if that was the case. I did however tell Paige that Asher and I were dating. She didn’t give much reaction to hearing that. I knew he was just a fling to her, so I didn’t see any reason to not go after him.
I didn’t realize then what all of these reactions truly meant. I was so happy living in my own dream that I never noticed what was going on behind my back.
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