Sam stared down at the pillow on the bed, his back aching from their most recent activity. He moved his naked body so that he could reach for the covers. It was a big mistake. He winced immediately. a strangled sob escaping from his lips.
A chuckle from behind him made his lip twitch.
"Not even going to pretend to have the decency to worry about how much I am hurting right now?" Sam asked Evan.
Evan chuckled again. And Sam squealed as something fell across his naked bum. Stinging him.
He whimpered. “Yah, that hurts, what the hell. I already took a beating today.” He hissed. He craned his neck around to stare at Evan, too exhausted to actually get up.
"Sorry, sorry, I didn't realize you were that... That it hurt that much." Evan said from beside his ear. His hot lips were at the ready already dipping down and pulling delectable kisses from his lips. The kind Sam could fall into. Evan pulled away before Sam was ready. And not for the first time Sam thought how he wished he could demand more.
With everyone else, he got his way. Always. But for some reason Evan never fell for a single one of his charms. They were pointless to use on him.
Sam turned slowly until he was on his side, uncovered and naked on the bed. He gazed at Evan. He stood in the middle of Sam's dorm getting his clothes on quickly. He watched Evans' nakedness disappear behind clothes one article at a time. And frowned. 'What a shame... That is such a nice view too.' he thought.
"When is your next class?" He asked.
Evan turned back around and paused. A slow and sexy smirk broke across his face. He raised an eyebrow.
He leaned forward shirt in hands, his naked chest coming in daringly close.
"How can you lay on a bed so seductively after being all whiny about your aches. If you don't want those pains to increase I wouldn't lie on your side that way. It's just outlining your tapered waist in a way that is making me want to grab you and have my way again."
Sam instantly rolled flat. Evan laughed.
"How is face down, ass up any better?" He asked.
Sam sighed. “Just play with me again then.” He didn’t really want to do it again. But he wanted Evan to hold him. He didn’t want him to leave. Hadn’t they been at this for four months now. But Evan never stayed.
There was silence and then Evan spoke. "Am I some sort of monster you think will beat a poor man raw?" but his voice was heavy with strangled desire.
A minute later he heard the door click shut. Sam sighed and buried his head even further into his pillows.
‘Evan you freaking idiot. I was just wanting you to stay and hold me. But you leave every time.’
Sam lay there for a good while longer cuddling his pillows. But after some time passed he slowly started to stand. He had class in an hour, and a sore body, or sore pride be damned he couldn't be late for his test.
Evan’s phone blinged. The sound of a text message coming in.
He walked over and turned his phone on.
He opened up the texts.
One was from Max.
Meet at the same spot. At six?
Sam answered With a single word. “Yep.”
The other one was from Evan.
He pulled it open but he didn’t even need to look to know what it said. It said the same thing every time.
Sam threw the phone on his bed with annoyance. It bounced around a few times then landed face up that damn text there glowing on the screen, haunting him.
Thanks, that was good.
Sam glared at the phone.
“Hey shit head, do you think that’s what I want to hear now?” Sam scoffed, disgusted.
‘Why do you even care? This isn’t the first time you have done this. You did it with girls all the time, and this isn’t the first time you have even seen or sent those kinds of texts before… So why does it bug the shit out of me now?’ He wondered. Sam scratched the back of his neck and the tips of his hair.
“My hair is getting long, time to cut it again.” He said to his reflection in the mirror. He shrugged and walked over to the bathroom, started up the shower and got in, letting the boiling hot water scald across his skin. It both hurt and felt good at the same time. At least it could help with the aches that were all over his body even if it couldn't help erase the shiny drops of tears in his pillow or the stains from Evan that echoed across his heart.
↔️
Max looked at Sam as he walked up the bleachers to the empty field they both ran around track in.
“You look like shit.” Max said, smirking at Sam.
Sam grinned at him sarcastically.
“Thanks, so glad to know I am glowing on the outside just like I feel on the inside.” He said sarcastically.
Max’s eyebrows raised.
“I would think you got rejected with how you are acting. Not that you are dating someone happily enjoying your physical gymnastics with them until you get bored and move on. This is so unlike you.”
Sam plopped down beside him and took the proffered beer from his hands.
He cracked the can tab open and took a sip. A light breeze stirred his long yellow shirt that was tucked into the front of his black jeans. But hung loosely down his back and behind the bleacher.
“I know. I am doing exactly as I was before. But I hate it.” Sam said.
“Maybe it's because you have never been the taker before.” Max said playfully.
Sam glared at him. “I doubt it has anything to do with being bottom or top. I just don’t like… I don’t like feeling like I can be thrown away at any minute.” Sam said with a sigh. He took a deep swig of the alcohol letting it coat the back of his throat and its warmth slid down until it was coating his belly too.
“Because he means something to you. You have a problem with it being just physical.” Max said.
Sam frowned. “Why do I like an asshole like him?” He sighed and took another swig.
Max chuckled. “My friends finally caught feelings. Who knew it would just take meeting someone who is even more stubborn than you to get some.”
Tears welled in his eyes. “It’s been four months. If he hasn’t caught feelings already doesn’t that mean it's already too late?”
Max shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Sam sucked in a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have started such a stupid idea in the first place. I want to run away. This is why I don’t do feelings. Because in the end someone always gets hurt first.”
Max’s hand fell on his back and rubbed it in circles. “Isn’t it a good thing to have tried? Don’t you feel happy when you are with him? If you had never tried it, you wouldn’t have any memories of what that happiness feels like.”
“Exactly. I wish I didn’t know how happy he could make me. Because now I know how much it hurts when he shuts me out.” Sam said. He crushed the can, dropped it beside Max.
“Sorry. I think I am going to go back early today.” He said standing up. Max nodded.
“Text me when you are back.” He said.
Sam nodded, then turned and stomped down the bleachers.
‘Coming out to have a beer and chat was supposed to make me feel better. Not worse… Just push the feelings away for as long as you can. It’s all you can do, because if he knows about them…’ He thought
He didn’t even have to ask. He just knew if Evan got a sniff of them he would go running for the hills.
‘Let me cling to this a bit longer even if it's useless.’
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