Chapter 6

Simon's POV

With striking gold eyes boring into mine, Xavier's pitch black wolf form covered my view of any chance of fleeing. Despite being two years younger, he exuded a confident and intimidating presence, nearly as powerful as an alpha. As far as I remembered, he was groomed to be a top ranking beta and serve as the second in line for the alpha position. If I hadn't known any better, I would have assumed he was an alpha with the way he carried himself.

He stared for a while, nostrils flaring as if smelling something, while I tried my best to expose my stomach and neck in the cramped crevice in the cave. However, he didn't seem at all concerned about it as much as he was trying to smell something. He leaned closer, sniffing my face and toward my neck, before pulling back.

The way he seemed to be investigating was unnerving, to say the least, I had no idea why he had approached me, let alone venture out this far from the pack. Something was definitely off, and even though I hadn't seen him for ten years, this behavior seemed out of character for him.

I tilted my head as if to question his presence. He let out a low whine before huffing and sitting down.

It was a few agonizing minutes before he finally spoke, "I don't understand"

I didn't dare respond, lest he gets angry.

"They said this is what it's supposed to smell like, but you're not-you can't be," he mumbled. "I don't get it"

Ah. I knew what he meant now. He was searching for his mate, and subsequently found the only person alive closest to her. Sadly, he must have been searching for his mate for the past 8 years, only to realize that her scent was no longer here.

Thanks to me, he would never grow old with his mate. Thanks to me he could never experience what it was like to have someone by your side, not like I would know what's it like. Although my mate was alive, I would never get to experience that either. I would never get to stand by his side and be the pack's Luna, considering I was banned from ever returning, and Vince already had a Luna, Sarah, who despite not being his mate, was someone worthy of his choosing.

It was an unspoken rule that alphas of packs needed a Luna mate to run in order to be a legitimate pack. And in the event Vince was to step down or perish, Xavier was to take over. However, without Nicole, Xavier could never fulfill his role as second in line if it were to come down to it.

Even after Nicole died, I refused to tell anyone about her secret, especially to Xavier. It was better that he didn't know his mate died before he turned 16, the age wolves start discovering who their mates were.

It would be devastating, and I didn't want Xavier or the rest of the pack to suffer any further than it already has for my actions. If I hadn't let Vince know and kept it a secret, my parents, my younger siblings, and Nicole could have lived, and I wouldn't have to live as a rogue.

And there's the fact that Xavier probably had changed in the last ten years. All those years of searching without any lead could have made him more volatile and irritable. If I were to explain to him that Nicole was his mate, there was a chance that he could lash out and become as angry as Vince when I told him about our predicament.

Xavier shocked me out of my thoughts when he nudged my paw. "You alright?"

I tilted my head in confusion, tucking my paws closer to my body.

"I must've scared you, barging in here," he explained while he laid his head down as if an attempt to make himself smaller and less intimidating. He rambled on, "sorry, it's just I've been going crazy, because every time I'm out here, I catch a whiff of what I think is their scent, but it always leads me to this cave. It was the first time I saw a wolf in here, and I overreacted. I promise I meant no harm"

I almost smiled, Xavier was still the same as when he was fourteen. He rambled often when he was flustered or trying to explain something. It was a little quirk of his, that was completely different from his usual stoic demeanor.

"It's okay," I reassured him.

His eyes seemed to light up in relief. "Anyways, how have you been?"

Not fine, I almost wanted to say. As much as I hated to admit it, I was a complete wreck. Both physically and emotionally, despite how much I denied it.

"Could be better," I opted. His elated mood dropped as if he was genuinely upset at my response.

He scooted closer toward me before plopping his head back down on the cave floor. "Look, I can't begin to imagine what you went through, and it's not much, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry about what happened. I know you probably won't ever forgive my brother, but I hope you can forgive the pack as well as yourself. It isn't your fault, and the pack doesn't-"

A guttural growl echoed throughout the cave, cutting Xavier's rant off. Truthfully I was grateful, I didn't like his pity, despite seeming genuine, I didn't want his apology, the only apology I ever wanted was from his brother directly. Although I appreciated his concern, it's not like he could go back in time and change what happened.

Immediately Xavier's body tensed as he got up and looked to see a large dark brown wolf, hair standing up as he kept growling. At first, I hadn't recognized who it was until I looked at the pair of orange eyes. When I finally realized, my entire body froze, fear consuming any coherent thoughts. I suddenly felt like I was back in one of those nightmares, the events leading up to my family's death replaying over my head.

The look of Lucas's orange eyes, still as harsh as the day I left. I felt paralyzed minus the uncontrollable shaking as I was trapped between the cave, Xavier and now Lucas.

Xavier has growled back in a way that rivaled Lucas's, which only made me panic more. Through my muddled thoughts, Xavier had seemed to block my view of Lucas, growling even further. I couldn't make out what they were arguing about or if they had just been communicating through the pack link. All I knew was that I wanted to leave. I didn't want to be caught in the middle of this any longer. Although I could see out the mouth of the cave, sneaking out past them was impossible.

So instead I curled up as far into the little cavern as possible, the scraggy wall jabbing into my back and shoulder.

There were a few deafening barks and snarls, but for the most part, it had been them growling at each other. I tried to stop my shaking, as I shit my eyes as hard as possible in a futile attempt at trying not to witness everything all over again. Instead, I tried thinking about something happier. Most happy memories consisted my family, which wasn't something I wanted to think about with Lucas here, so I thought about the next happiest person.

Cedar's face popped into my head. As much as I found his clingy, way too happy-go-lucky personality sometimes annoying, he had always been there to lighten the mood. Despite being so young and growing up without his parents, Cedar was such a bubbly and positive person that it sometimes hurt to watch. Part of him reminded me of some of my own younger siblings who were high energy, and way too optimistic about life.

It felt like an eternity before the growling ceased and the tension I held in my body released. I slowly peeked my head out only to find, to my surprise, that both of the betas had left.

I waited for a while until I deemed it safe to leave the cave, before venturing out near the lake. My stomach was protesting for food, and with the increasingly colder temperature, it was probably best I go hunting before the small game went into hiding. I looked around to see that the two wolves had indeed vanished.

I knew a lot of hares preferred their homes at the foot of the mountain, where the small stream had traversed into the lake. I followed the perimeter of the lake until I came across the stream, finding that the water was frosting over. There was a few fish circling around, while others were already frozen.

It wasn't the first time I spent a winter in the mountains away from Aspen and Cedar, but it sure wasn't a pleasant experience. There had been a blizzard a few winters ago, and I had been stuck for quite a few weeks until the snow melted enough to leave. Luckily I snagged a few hares to last me, but I had begged Aspen to order a bunch of food once I returned.

I kept walking toward the spot I knew had some rabbit dens while I pondered what Aspen would say to me when I returned. He'd probably get mad and rant about why I shouldn't have left and just stayed. He'd probably shadow me around the motel, watching my every movement like a hawk. I wouldn't doubt that he'd probably stay up all night and question everything I'm doing like an overprotective parent.

I didn't understand why Aspen had this need to watch over me when I've told him time and time again that despite being covered in blood, it was never enough to see a doctor or get stitches. It would heal up every time. And a part of me during those episodes probably knew to never cut that deep, as if it was fatal, it wouldn't just kill me, but eventually kill Vince; despite how much I wanted him to feel an inkling of what I am feeling, I didn't wish this pain or death on anyone. Not only would he suffer, but so would the pack, and I didn't want them to suffer because of me anymore.

And in a way I was causing Aspen and Cedar to suffer because of it, which is why it should be reasonable if I leave them, even if for a couple of weeks. Cedar still had the chance to experience life with a mate, he didn't need to witness all this drama. His optimism on life shouldn't be ruined because of me, and Aspen shouldn't have to fret over another person, he was already dealing with raising Cedar.

As I got closer to the dens a sharp bark rang out from the treelines startling me out of my thoughts. I crouched down, looking for this source, only to be surprised when a young wolf stumbled out of the bushes.