Chapter 3

Mr Hastidal takes me back to the office, where luckily, there are fewer teachers now. He grabs a file from his desk, before turning to me. “I have to teach now, but it was nice meeting you! See you tomorrow, Mr Ardis,” he says kindly, before leaving with a small wave.

I’m a little sad to see him go, as now I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. Tomorrow is when I start teaching, so now I’ve had the tour, do I just…go? Deciding to test out the chair, I sit down in it, and oh my God it’s one that spins. They make me so happy. I don’t know why, they just do.

Resting my head on my desk, I realise I’m perfectly out of view from everyone else here. Each desk has a small partition separating them, and mine and Mr Hastidal’s desks are right in the corner, so with my head down, I’m invisible. That’s actually nice and comforting.

Closing my eyes for a moment, I let myself just listen to my surroundings. There’s the click of keyboards as teachers type, the scratch of pens grading papers, the occasional quiet chatter. And then the door opens, and by the sounds of it, two women enter. Again, I’m nicely hidden in my back corner.

“I feel so bad for Mr Hastidal, having to show that ruffian around. I really cannot believe Principal Smith would hire someone like him, I guess he must have been really desperate.” Cool cool, she’s a judgmental bitch then. We’ll call her ‘bitch-face’ for the interim. Not like I can even see her face, but whatever.

“Don’t feel bad for Mr Hastidal, you know he swings that way, he and the new teacher will get along splendidly I’m sure, both being the weirdos they are.” I roll my eyes at their so blatant homophobia, before something occurs to me. Mr Hastidal is gay, huh? Interesting.

I guess the lady in the picture on his desk isn’t his girlfriend then, unless he’s bi, or pan like me. These homophobic women wouldn’t know the difference between any sexuality other than their own anyway.

I would call them out on their homophobia, but that’d mean revealing my position to them, and suddenly I don’t feel very safe. Luckily, I don’t have to. “Ladies, please don’t spread gossip around the office which may offend others,” another woman says. Cool, she can be ‘nice lady’. The other homophobe I’m calling ‘bitch-face 2: return of the homophobe’.

A bit long for a nickname, I know.

“Miss Jerries, I’m terribly sorry if what we were saying offended you,” bitch-face says, and I roll my eyes. Nice lady, or rather Miss Jerries, actually snorts at them, and I’m starting to really like her. “Yeah, no. Even my 3 year old daughter apologises more convincingly than that.”

Wow. She’s a real badass! I’m totally trying to befriend her tomorrow.

Bitch-face 2: return of the homophobe gasps- or maybe is was just plain old bitch-face? I can’t tell. Anyway, neither tries to actually say anything back to Miss Jerries, and instead just grumble something about being sensitive.

They’re going on my list of twats.

Closing my eyes, I focus on my breathing, and the sounds around me. It always helps with grounding myself, and I have no idea if I can just leave yet or not, so I might as well just wait the time out, and do some meditation whilst I wait.

Except apparently, I fall asleep rather than meditate. Nice.

Someone tapping my shoulder rouses me, and I sit up quickly, adrenaline spiking through my veins as I try and orientate myself - am I in danger? Who touched me? Am I being attacked? Am I injured? Where am I? Was I kidnapped again? Am I…dead?

“Mr Ardis? Can’t believe you actually fell asleep,” Mr Hastidal says with a chuckle, his large folder from earlier still tucked under his arm. My heart begins to return to its normal pace, and I try and force a smile when he begins to look at me funnily.

“Are you alright? You look…scared?” He asks, and I immediately whip up a fake expression of calm and contentedness. “Oh! No, everything’s fine. Just got a little disorientated for a moment there.” Mr Hastidal seems to accept my explanation, nodding with another kind smile on his face.

“Anyway, I wasn’t expecting you to still be here - I mean, it’s pretty late, and I thought you would have left as soon as the tour was over.” I feel the heat rising in my cheeks, and I automatically frown in annoyance.

“I could’ve left? Wow. Ok. Noted.”

Mr Hastidal laughs, patting me on the shoulder once more before heading towards the door. Getting up from my seat, I realise we’re the only people left in the office. He waits for me at the door, and we walk together to the car park, which is unexpected, but the company is nice.

I’m still feeling a little jumpy, and although I don’t trust Mr Hastidal (I don’t really trust anyone anymore, other than my family), I feel better with him than walking through a dark car park on my own.

He gives me a look, and I realise I followed him all the way to his car. “Want a ride?” He asks, raising a brow, and I laugh awkwardly. “Sorry! Went on autopilot there. See you tomorrow!” And with that, I quickly speed away from him, towards my own car at the other end of the car park.

Getting inside, I take a moment to calm myself. I can’t drive when my hands are shaking so much, and my paranoia is going crazy right now. Like seriously, can’t I just take a chill pill? I can actually, but they don’t do much to help.

Eventually I manage to drive home, make myself dinner, even eat it, which honestly, wasn’t sure I’d manage to with how upset my stomach was with all my many feelings going awol inside me. Climbing into bed, I know I won’t sleep well tonight.

I often don’t - I either dream and I don’t remember it, or I dream, and I sure as hell remember it, mainly because it’s already happened, and I’m stuck inside my own memories. Tonight feels like one of those nights. I went through a lot of change today, and I always get tangled with the past when that happens.

Closing my eyes, I eventually fall into a slumber, and sure enough, the dreams aren’t good.