Chapter 5

TW memory of a different character’s suicide attempt, in which fyfe saves them from drowning

Annoyingly, I don’t just sleep normally after the onslaught of memories. Instead, I remember something else. At least this time, it’s a good memory. A memory of the time I saved someone’s life.

I walk along the bridge, closing my eyes and enjoying the cool wind on my face. Being in a big city, so far away from my hometown is rough. But hey, I’m finally going through the police training I’ve always wanted.

Opening my eyes, I rest my arms over the bridge railing, glancing down at the dark waters below. They look like they’d just love to draw you in, pollute your throat as they drag you down.

I don’t like water.

Suddenly, a massive splash resounds through the night, and I literally watch as something- someone falls into the water. The bridge is high up, and I don’t have time to run around it and get the body out. I don’t have time to wait for an ambulance to get here, either.

Instead, I quickly take off my external layers, calling 999 for an ambulance, telling them my location before jumping into the water after the person.

It’s pretty horrendous. It’s freezing cold, and the water keeps scrabbling at my throat, coaxing my lips to open so it can choke me from the inside out. Clawing my way over to the body, which is slowly sinking, legs and arms everywhere, I grab onto them, pulling the body over to the bank.

Gasping for air, I pull us both up, suddenly very grateful for the strength all my training gave me. It’s dark, and I can’t see the person, but based on their size, around the same height as me, I assume it’s a male.

I instantly begin first aid to try and get the water from their lungs and promote breathing again, doing mouth to mouth whilst I listen to the sirens in the distance, begging the ambulance to get here fast enough.

The person finally gasps, throwing up water and coughing desperately between gasps for air as they cling to me. I hold them close to my chest, whispering “hey it’s ok, you’re gonna be ok now,” to them over and over again.

The ambulance finally arrives, and the paramedics immediately wrap us up in blankets, deciding to take us both to the hospital for a check up just in case. I finally get a look at the person, and determine that yes, they are probably male. A bit younger than me, I expect, and not caucasian.

The rest of the memory is hazy - I don’t remember the person’s face, or what race they were, just that they weren’t white like me. I don’t properly remember if they even were a guy, I just remember assuming they were. I do remember riding in the ambulance with them, however, as they refused to let go of my hand. And, I remember them shaking the entire time, and I really couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or what they’d just been through.

And, there’s one last part of the incident which I remember - our conversation.

Arriving at the hospital, just before I could leave, a nurse asked me to pop back in to see the person, as they kept asking for me. So I did as I was asked, and slipped through the door, waving at the person in the bed.

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” I ask, taking a seat on the chair next to the bed. The person - I’m fairly certain he’s a guy, brings one hand up to their face, before groaning. “Honestly, I have no idea.” I nod, I mean, the guy just went through a situation where they almost died, so it must be a lot to take in.

“How did you even fall in? I mean, that railing’s pretty high, I only managed to get over it to go after you because I jumped- oh.” I glance up at him, and he smiles sadly. “I tried to kill myself, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

My eyes lock with his, and I shrug. “Sorry, I guess me diving after you foiled that plan then.” I know suicide is never the answer and all that stuff they tell you, but if this guy was literally that close to dying, he must have really wanted it. Maybe I just hurt him more by saving him?

“No, thanks for doing that. I wasn’t thinking straight and- I would’ve made my family really sad. I won’t do that again, it was pretty dumb,” he says with a gentle laugh, and it’s a pretty cute sound. He looks happy, relaxed and calm, and not at all like someone who just tried to end his life.

“You’re, um, you’re gonna be ok then if I leave?” I ask, scratching the back of my head. “It’s not like I exactly want to leave, but I have more police training tomorrow at like 5am, and it’s already pretty late,” I explain, scratching my arm.

His eyes widen slightly, and he smiles brightly at me. “You’re training to be a policeman? That’s really cool, I think you’ll be good at it,” he says kindly, moving a strand of black hair from his eyes. I scratch behind my ear, right in the spot I told Ailsa I want an ivy tattoo. She promised to do one on me eventually, and I decided I want this big thing starting behind my ear and going down my arm.

I think it’d be pretty cool.

Rubbing the empty spot, I remind myself that I can’t get a tattoo so visible whilst trying to become a policeman.

“Thanks, it’s been my dream for like, forever,” I explain, smiling at the guy, who smiles back. “That’s really cool. I don’t really know what I want to do, but I like kids, so maybe I’ll work as a teacher or something,” he says with a small laugh, before speaking again. 



“Oh yeah! And of course, you can totally go. I’m gonna call my family, but I should be fine now. Thank you so much for everything,” he says, and I find myself not really wanting to leave. I want to know more about him - why does he seem to bright and optimistic and full of life, when he just tried to end it all?

But then, the nurse is coming in, telling me I need to go as visiting hours are over, and that the guy needs his rest or whatever. And then I’m gone, gone from that room, from the hospital, from that guy’s life, whom I never even learnt the name of.

And weirdly, I find myself regretting those things.

I wish I at least knew his name.