Chapter 10

Mr Hastidal helps me manoeuvre Miss Jerries onto my back, where I carry her outside and hold her whilst he hails a taxi. Once Miss Jerries is sent home safely, I turn to Mr Hastidal. “Do you need a lift home?”

He blinks, clearly surprised that I’m offering. “I mean, I was planning on just getting a bus once I’d sobered up a bit, but if it’s not too much trouble…” I smile at him, gesturing in front of me to my car in the semi-distance. “Not at all, it’s fine, so long as you don’t mind driving with a bad boy like me.”

He laughs brightly, and it makes me smile slightly. “Oh, I’d love to drive with a bad boy,” he says, still giggling. We quickly reach my car, and we both slip inside, securing our seatbelts.

My car is one of those extremely average ones, with nothing interesting in the interior or exterior. I don’t have a lot of possessions anyway, because I didn’t keep anything that could remind me of my time undercover, so I essentially started completely new when I moved here. It means I have nothing rootling around in the bottom of my car, and nothing to put on my desk at work.

It makes me a bit sad, if I’m honest.

“Wow, your car is super tidy - I could never, mine has so much stuff in the bottom,” he says with a smile, glancing out the window at the lights as they slide by. “I’m a fairly tidy person,” I explain, although it’s just because I don’t own much.

“By the way, I’m sorry for Sylvia- Miss Jerries. She likes to interrogate people about their sexuality when she’s tipsy.”

I glance over at him, shrugging gently. “It’s fine, it’s not like she was pressuring me anyway. I, uh, heard some people talking in the office yesterday though…you like men?” I decide I might as well just ask him about it, see what he says.

Mr Hastidal hums, resting his head against the window. “That’s right, I’m gay. Does it bother you?” He asks, and I snort. Unfortunately, he mistakes this for a negative reaction, and stares at me disappointedly.

“Oh I’m not a homophobe, don’t worry. I’m pan, actually, so no, it doesn’t bother me.” I explain, shifting back in my seat slightly and adjusting the rearview mirror. I can feel Mr Hastidal’s eyes on me, and when I glance at him out of my peripheral vision, he’s smiling.

“Oh - cool. That’s good to know,” he says, still smiling. He runs a hand through his hair, before remembering that he put some kind of product in it, and grimaces at the cement-like feeling. I know what it feels like, because I used to use gel, before I changed my haircut, and now I just tuck my curls behind my ears.

Apart from that one stray curl on the left of my forehead, but I like to ignore that one.

“This one’s mine,” he says softly, and I suddenly am reminded that I’m driving him home. I don’t like driving people, they could easily attack me, causing us to crash, or they could just straight up murder me with my seatbelt. Or stab me.

Stopping the car, I wave Mr Hastidal goodbye, smiling gently at the little wave he gives me as he gets out, after thanking me.

Why did I let him in the car with me?

—————

“Fyfe!” Ailsa jumps into my arms, and I pick her up, spinning her around. She’s a 30 year old woman, and as tall as me, but that doesn’t stop me from doing this. She claps me on the back, smiling and hugging me tightly.

“How did you sleep?” She asks, concern evident in her eyes. I smile gently, squeezing her arm slightly. “If I dreamt, I didn’t remember it. I’ve been feeling a lot better today, less shaky as well, and I don’t think everyone’s out to get me, so that’s less exhausting.”

Ailsa smiles, giving me one last hug before pulling her suitcase behind her. “That’s great! Let’s get home though, I really can’t be fucked to pull this thing around with me all day.” I laugh, elbowing her in the ribs.

“How come you have an entire suitcase for one weekend? I could fit like, every possession I own in that one suitcase,” I continue to laugh, shaking my head and dodging my sister as she tries to playfully punch me.

Ailsa can tell what moods I’m in, and knows how much she can touch me, or how much distance I need, but I still try to make it obvious to her how I’m feeling, mainly by how much physical contact I make - if I feel really bad, like I did yesterday morning, I’ll stay completely away from her, but if I feel ok, like I ended up feeling last night, then I’ll touch her arm, or hug her or something to let her know.

We drop her suitcase at my apartment, before she demands that I take her on a tour of the town - not like I know Aldeburgh much better than her. I’ve been here for two weeks now, but I barely know the place.

She drags me around various shops, until we end up at some restaurant, which she pulls me in to. “Come on, I’m starving. This place looks good! Pretty small and cute, I like it,” she says with an approving smile.

Both of us will eat anything, so I don’t really care what food is on offer, I’ll probably like it anyway. Ailsa pushes past a few tables, leading me to the high tables right at the back, where you can watch the food being made.

“Yo this is so cool!” She happily exclaims, her eyes wide as she watches a guy cooking some kind of dumplings. It smells divine over here. An asian woman smiles at us, walking over. “Hi! I’m Daxa, thanks for coming to my restaurant! What can I get for you?”

I glance at the menu, tuning out the conversation Ailsa and Daxa are having about how cool the restaurant is - apparently those two are already best friends. Daxa looks a little older than Ailsa, in her early thirties I expect, so it really is cool that she has her own successful restaurant already.

Absentmindedly, I mess with the curls at the back of my neck with my left hand, scrunching my eyes closed and taking a deep breath of the spices and other wonderful smells in the restaurant.

“Mr Ardis?” I quickly open my eyes, turning around to meet the eyes of none other than Dray Hastidal. “Oh! Mr Hastidal, I didn’t expect to see you here,” I say awkwardly, aware of my sister’s eyes on us, as well as the restaurant owner.

“You know them Dray?” The lady asks, and I realise that Daxa looks pretty familiar…I’ve definitely seen her before, actually…and then it hits me. The photo on Mr Hastidal’s desk. Him and a woman, I assumed it was his girlfriend, but he’s gay. He must be friends with this girl, or they’re siblings.

They do look pretty similar, they smile the same way.

“Oh, only Mr Ardis, we work together,” Mr Hastidal explains, and I frown as Ailsa excitedly claps her hands together, punching me on the arm. I roll my eyes at her, crossing my arms, trying to ignore the look on her face which clearly says she wants to know about everyone in my life.

“Mr Hastidal, this is uh, my sister Ailsa,” I say, not even bothering to gesture to her, it should be fairly obvious I’m talking about her - I mean, it’s not like we look super similar or anything, but we have the same nose and eyes, so yeah. Kind of obvious.

“Nice to meet you! I’m Dray Hastidal, I teach music at the same school as um, Fyfe.” Now that’s weird. He’s never called by my first name before, and I must admit, it feels quite nice.

“Oh neat! I’m a tattoo artist,” she says, pulling back her shirt sleeve to show an intricate design of a rabbit. It’s another beautiful one, and the only tattoo she ever did on herself. She has this one tattoo I did her, a tiny stick and poke heart on her ankle, and oh my God she’s actually showing them.

“Oh my God Ailsa stop showing them!” I exclaim, but she only laughs, slapping my arm playfully. “Anyway Daxa, you asked me like an age ago what I’d like, but honestly it all looks amazing, so what do you recommend?”

Ailsa and Daxa end up deciding that the four of us should eat together, and so here we are, sitting at a table together, eating a delicious lunch made in Daxa’s restaurant, except for some reason, Mr Hastidal and I are sitting next to each other, and I’m becoming a little more jittery than I was earlier, and it has nothing to do with my PTSD, and everything to do with how he keeps sending me sweet little smiles which make the ice walls I put up to protect myself melt just a little.