Chapter 20

As soon as I feel safe to drive, I take myself home, have a nice hot shower, and then climb into bed. Curling up in bed is always nice, even if I sleep pretty shit half the time. It suddenly occurs to me that I never explained to Dray what actually happened, but I don’t have the energy to tell him now anyway.

I’ll just go to sleep, and deal with it in the morning.

What if he’s worried though?

Groaning, I pick up my phone, clicking onto the messages app. He sent only one message back, reading ‘you don’t have to apologise. Are you ok?’

I respond with only one word again, and he’s probably beginning to think I’m the most boring conversation partner there’s ever been. ‘Yeah’ is all I reply with. Kinda shitty I know, but I don’t want to talk about what happened.

Luckily, my dreams leave me alone, and I actually sleep well. I wake up, feeling refreshed and pretty good, until the guilt kicks in when I see Dray’s reply.

‘Did I do something wrong? To make the headache come on?’

He doesn’t know what he’s dealing with, he doesn’t know I was triggered, he thinks I have anxiety, and I get headaches.

I text him back ‘no, just wasn’t feeling too good all of a sudden. I’m ok now’.

I can almost imagine his relaxed expression when he replies ‘oh thank goodness. See you on Monday?’

Replying with a ‘yes :)’ I hop in the shower, deciding to take the day to look after myself.

—————

“Fyfe! How are you?” Dray asks as we walk from the school car park to the main entrance. “Good thanks, had a relaxing day yesterday - get this, I even did a face mask.” Dray looks at me, a slight smile on his lips as he tries to work out if I’m serous or not.

“Wait…you did a face mask?” I nod, smiling slightly. “Can I not do a face mask, Mr Hastidal?” Dray tentatively rests his hand on my arm, beaming at me. “Of course you can do a face mask, I just didn’t expect that from you, if I’m being totally honest.”

I snort, pushing the door open and holding it for him. “Ailsa bought a bunch when she was here, and then ‘accidentally’ left them here. Once she got home she told them they were a gift for me, even though I was the one who paid for them in the first place.”

Dray laughs, and the sight of his eyes crinkling in the corners with his smile makes my heart do star-jumps in my chest.

“I was wondering why you look so radiant today, I’m guessing you did one of those ultra-refreshing-and-super-moisturising ones.” Dray probably means it as an offhand comment, but my excitable heart can’t help but hear the compliment in it.

“Wow, you think I look ‘radiant’? Good to know one face mask elevates me from bog-gremlin to Snow White,” I press a hand to my chest, feigning pain. Dray whips round to look at me, before placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Babe, you’ve never looked like a bog-gremlin in your life; the face mask was only the Fairy Godmother to let your inner-Cinderella shine.”

My face is on fire. Dray quickly pulls back, suddenly looking very awkward, and I cover my face with my hands, trying to cool off my blush. “Wow, I uh, thank you?” I squeak out, my voice sounding as embarrassed as I feel.

I mean, he called me babe, and then told me I’m attractive. I think. Regardless, my heart is no longer singing, it’s doing its best impression of an opera singer trying to fill an entire stadium with their voice.

I’m pretty fucking happy.

Miss Jerries appears behind us, raising an eyebrow at where we stand in complete silence in the hall, with my hands over my face. “Everything ok over here?” She asks as I peek out at her through my fingers.

When I feel like I’ve regained control over my face, I let my hands drop, and Sylvia gives me a quizzical look. “Why is your face so red?”

I sigh, rubbing my eyes. I have less control than I thought, apparently. “It’s uh, nothing. Everything’s fine. Let’s get into the office, shall we?” I say, totally convincing her I’m sure. She drops Dray a look, but I don’t see either of their expressions as I enter the office, hurrying to my desk.

I fiddle around there for a while, still feeling embarrassed, until Dray pokes my arm gently. “Hey, uh, sorry for making things awkward.” I look up at him, shaking my head. “No, you didn’t- I just, I wasn’t expecting the uh, the pet name.”

Dray looks confused, before his face goes as pink as mine was earlier. “Oh- oh. I’m sorry, I do that sometimes, it just sort of, um, slipped out.” I laugh gently, standing up to head to the music rooms for my therapy session.

“I don’t mind, you can call me babe any time.” Wait what. What did I just say? Dray and I stare at each other, both looking as surprised as each other that those words left my mouth. And then I very pointedly look at my watch, say “oh would you look at the time” and then rush from the office.

I’m screwed. I’ve screwed myself.

Therapy goes well, considering that I’m still a vessel of eternal embarrassment. Like, what the actual fuck am I supposed to say to him now? I essentially just confessed to him. No Fyfe, calm down. Play it off as a joke. It’s all fine.

Pushing the office door open again, I casually walk over to my desk, sitting down. Dray’s eyes are glued to his papers, and I can’t tell if it’s because he’s marking them, and he’s focused, or if he’s now hyper aware of my presence.

Clearing my throat, I glance over at him. His eyes are still glued to- the exact same corner of the page. Ok then.

Reaching over, I poke him on the arm. “I was uh, it was a joke,” I say quietly, and Dray finally snaps his eyes to meet mine. I thought he’d look glad, but instead he looks…disappointed?

“Right, yeah of course. I uh, I’m just going to the toilet real quick,” he says hurriedly, hopping up from his seat right as Sylvia enters the office. Dray grabs her arm, pulling her back into the corridor.

Real smooth, Dray Hastidal. Rubbing my eyes, now I have something else to think about - the possibility that my crush might actually like me back.