A fun year went by....

Their lives changed however, when Mira suddenly told Haru she was going to move away in a few months. This put a lot of stress on Haru. Not only that, she told him she was seeing someone. A boy named Kaito. They met over summer break, when her family went over to their new neighbourhood and had been in contact ever since, so when year 2 rolled around, they were finally official. She was in love with him, so much so that she began to hang out with Haru less and less. Every time they would see each other, it would be talking about Kaito.

“Kaito is so handsome, my god, I am so lucky he’s mine!” She would say.

“Kaito is literally perfect, his face, hair, body... oh no I am blushing.” Always

“Oh crap! Sorry, Haru! I promised Kaito I’d hang out with him today.” Every day.

Then it happened... just before the next summer break. A warm day in June.

~~~

“Haru, Kaito wants to meet you.” Mira says, looking at me with pleading eyes.

“And besides, I’ve told him all about you already. He really wants to meet you. You're my best friend after all.” Mira smiles. 

I can’t say I am happy about this, but I don’t have a reason to be jealous either. The thing is, I am glad she finally has a boyfriend, good for her, but all the talk about this boy and then when she wants to hang out it is yet again because of him. I should probably just go for it though.

“Sure, why not?” I respond. Why is the first time I can finally hang out with Mira outside of school again, when she wants me to meet her boyfriend? And what does she mean she told him all about me? What type of things has she been saying?

“Okay, so let’s meet up at the station square tomorrow at 11am, right in front of the east gates!” Mira says and grabs her phone, probably to tell her boyfriend about tomorrow’s meeting spot. I can see her smiling at her phone. I really want to just go home now. Breathe in... Breathe out...

“Okido! See you tomorrow Mira! I really have to go home now.” I say and wave. Mira looks up and smiles at me. She waves back and walks the opposite way.

“Gosh that was so uncomfortable. It was like I was planning to meet up with a project partner, not my best friend of 10 years.” I mumble to myself.

Is this what being selfish is like? Am I being selfish for being upset with my best friend having a boyfriend? Or is she being selfish for spending so little time with me? Or maybe I am being selfish for expecting her to hang out with me all the time... Agh! I should read some psychology and philosophy books. Maybe I should read some romance books too, although I despise how unrealistic it is. Thanks to Mira, my timidness is mostly gone, and being good at almost everything makes it very easy for me to be confident, but she did not prepare me for this. I should just go home.

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~~~Saturday~~~

“CRAP!”

I look at the clock. It is already 9am! I gotta get up and shower, get an outfit ready, get some breakfast and then take the bus to the station. This is going to take a while so I should hurry.

Right after stepping out of the bathroom I hear my mom calling for me. Her timing is always perfect.

“Haru! You awake? I made soup!” I hear my mom calling from downstairs.

“Just on my way down mom!” I shout back and open my wardrobe. What should I wear? I grab the first things I see and lay them on my bed.

“Black jacket, white shirt, black jeans. Looks casual, but I'm not going anywhere fancy anyway. Let's go for this!” I quickly put my clothes on and run down.

“Hey, dear. Sit down.” My mom says as she puts down a bowl of soup.

“Thanks mom!” I say as I sit down. She takes a look at me and a slight frown forms on her face.

“Where are you going?” My mom asks. I completely forgot that I barely went out the past year due to Mira always being busy. Yuya is also always hanging out with his other friends. Am I really popular?

“Just meeting up... with Mira.” I say in between spoonfuls.

“Ah, Mira. Haven’t seen her in a while. Hope she’s doing well.” My mom says. If only she knew why she has not seen her in a while. 

“Oh, she is doing much better than you think.” I say, quietly.

.

.

.

> At the station <

“Now where are the gates? Ah there!” I run towards the gates and lean against the wall right outside. I made it just in time, it is already 10:50, but Mira is nowhere to be seen. I grab my phone to check for any messages, but see nothing. Maybe she’s running so hard she isn’t able to type. But who am I to worry? I might as well sit tight and wait, it is not even 11 yet anyway.

“Haru is that you?” I hear an unfamiliar voice call from a distance. A silver haired boy runs up to me, completely out of breath.

“H-hey, I am Kaito, Mira told me all about you and showed me pictures of you two, so I recognised you right away, what’s up?” He says, holding up his fist, signalling me to bump it.

“I am all good, what about you?” I say and give him a fist bump.

“Not too bad myself haha.” He says chuckling.

“So where is Mira?” He asks, looking around.

“Ehrm, I don’t know, knowing her she would’ve been here far before the planned time, but I guess she is running late.” I say and shrug. No response. An awkward silence, one that felt like it lasted ages, but was probably just a few seconds.

“Oh...” Kaito says, breaking the silence. Who knew the atmosphere could change so fast. Kaito walks closer to me and looks me dead in the eyes. The corners of his mouth curl up, forming a smirk. 

“Ah, this is what I get for going for girls again then. Typical.” Kaito says. His eyes, they got a certain, unexplainable spark, that somewhat resembles lust. Kaito looks down and his face comes closer.

“W-what d-do you mean?” I can’t even talk anymore. What is he saying? More importantly, why is he so close? I can feel my heartbeat going faster.

“Just that... at least you are on time. So I might as well make due.” He says and leans in. He puts his hand on my face, tilting up my chin ever so slightly.

“I was about to wait till we are in a more comfortable place...but.” What does he mean by that?

“W-wha-“ before I knew it, Kaito was full on kissing me. And even though I was caught completely off guard, I couldn’t make myself push him away. And to make matters worse, instead of pushing him away, my hand moved on its own and is now sitting on his waist. I need to break free, but I can feel myself moving with him. I can’t push him away! Everything goes blurry, my mind completely fuzzy. I can feel my heart beating faster, a feeling similar to anxiety, yet oddly warm.

Kaito finally pulls away for a second. “I knew you would let me. I could tell instantly.” He says, and smirks again. “Honestly, after all the stories about you, seeing pictures of you together, all I could see was you.” Before I could say anything he started kissing me again.

A moment that felt like forever

Then ended abruptly.

“KAITO? Wait... is that? No. HARU? What is going on?” A voice that brought me back to reality. It was Mira. Kaito quickly pulls away. There she stood, Mira, shocked at the scene she just witnessed.

“I was seeing it wrong right?” Mira says, tears filling her eyes.

“You were just hugging or something right?”

Looking down, her hands form into a fist. She takes a deep breath.

“No... I shouldn’t fool myself.” She says and lifts her head.

“It’s done. Both of you. Have a good life together.” Mira says and runs off.

Did that just happen? I don’t know what to do. My best friend just ran off. Wait, this is all because this guy randomly kissed me. Why did I let him? What’s going on? I slide down the wall, hands on my face.

“What was that?” I say, my hands wet from my tears. I didn’t even notice I was crying.

“Oh, I guess it’s over then.” I hear a voice above me. It was Kaito. Head turned towards the direction Mira just ran towards. He turns his gaze back at me and as I look into his eyes I see that they are empty, he looks bored and unfazed. 

“How could you be so calm? You just got dumped! And.. it was all because you just kissed me? Twice may I add! Why!? What is wrong with you?” I say angrily. Me sitting on the ground and him towering over me, he’s quite literally looking down on me right now.

“Pffft hahahaha!” He laughs. Why is he laughing?

“Oh, like I said. This is what I get for trying to get with girls.” Such a confusing sentence. Getting with girls? Isn’t that the most normal thing for a guy?

“What do you mean by that?” I ask. He’s still smirking. There is definitely something wrong with him.

“Are you slow? I mean that she was just a test.” Did he just say that? Did I hear that correctly? Did he seriously say he was just toying with her? I stand up. My hands turn into fists, but I can’t move them. Was he trying to play with multiple girls at the same time? What is his motive?

“Wow wow, don’t get angry now. You full on kissed me back. You liked it. So we aren’t that different after all.” What? What is he saying?

"Also, you are actually a good kisser. And she said you have never been in a relationship, such a talented boy." Ah, fuck, my ability to learn quickly yet again. Maybe if I didn't have this ability, he would not have continued kissing me.

“I have always been with guys, and I just wanted to see if I was able to get with a girl. You know? But apparently not.” He says and shrugs. Kaito seems so full of himself, he doesn’t even care about what others feel. This is totally the opposite of me.

“You see? I am actually gay. I thought I was bi. So when I saw Mira the first time, I was taken aback by her beauty. I thought that if I start dating her and fall for her, I must be bi.”

What? What even are all those words he mentioned?

“But every time we hung out, she talked about you and showed me pictures of you.”

There, he said it again. Both Mira and him talked about me.

“She said that I don’t have to worry about you, because as long as she’s known you, you’ve never really seemed interested in her at all. And that she’d not be surprised if you ended up with a guy eventually.” He smiles at me. Such an off-putting face. It’s like he’s mocking me. I take a step back, bumping into the wall.

“What...?” I don’t know what to say.

“It seems like you’re confused. Is this the first time you’re hearing of guys dating other guys? Ah, so young and naive. You’ll know eventually.” His vibe suddenly switched to a caring one. He looks at his phone.

“I have to go now, if you ever need me, message me. I can tell you’re not ready.” He puts a card in my pocket. I am still unable to move completely.

“You are in a state of shock after experiencing that. I am sorry. Learn more about yourself. I am disappointed that I can’t be with you. But after doing that to Mira, I actually feel bad.” He’s feeling bad? Is he human after all?

“I am going to talk to her and explain everything. I doubt she’s going to forgive me. Not that I need her to. I’ll just stick to dating guys.” He smiles one more time and puts his hand up. Forgive him? What about me? Mira should forgive me and not side with that crazy idiot.

“Well, see you around!” He waves and just like that, Kaito leaves. I am completely alone now. I feel the tears come back.

.

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.

The rest of the month went by. No word from Mira. She would leave right after class and didn't even dare look my direction. I felt horrible. To make matters worse, our classmates started catching on.

"Did you two break up?" One guy asks. "Yeah, maybe they were secretly dating." A girl says.

"Ah, lucky Haru, Mira is so cute. Too bad they broke up though. Maybe I got a chance now." one boy says.

"Dude, that was so mean of you, she is not just cute... She is gorgeous!" another guy says.

“If Haru did anything to hurt Mira, he's done!" Even though I am sitting all the way on the other side of the room, I can hear them loud and clear. I don’t recognise the voices, yet I don’t want to. I don’t want to hear them, yet I can’t seem to stand up for myself.

No, you got it all wrong.

"You got it all wrong!" Mira suddenly raises her voice. I turn my head towards her.

"Ha-Haru... Haru is not my boyfriend. He never was." 

"Haru.. Haru stole my boyfriend!" The classroom was filled with silence. Mira grabs her stuff and runs out of the room.

I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. I thought Kaito explained everything. Why was she still so angry. He came onto me. He forcefully kissed me. We should be able to apologise and be friends again.

.

.

.

Soon after, I heard that Mira transferred schools. She was planning to live away anyway, so I knew. I just wish we had a nice last day together before she did so. But alas, our last weeks were filled with sorrow. Kaito was her first boyfriend. They talked about what happened, but Kaito didn't make it sound any less wrong. I wasn't there to hear it all, but the girls were talking about it for weeks.

"I heard Mira's boyfriend was actually gay."

"Apparently, Mira's boyfriend had a crush on Haru."

"Is Haru gay too?"

"Did Haru really steal her boyfriend?"

"Apparently, when Kaito kissed Haru, he didn't try to stop him."

"I heard Haru enjoyed kissing the boy."

"Poor Mira."

"Poor Mira."

I got labeled as a home-wrecker. Which just sounds over the top. No one believed me when I said he kissed me and that I didn't like it. Heck, even I don't believe it. They thought I agreed to meet up with Kaito, to steal him away for myself. That I seduced Kaito into kissing me. But none of that is true. He was the one who planned to meet up with me so he could see which of us he was attracted to. 

But why am I unable to speak up and tell everyone the truth?

Oh right. Mira was always here, right next to me. She always made sure I was feeling welcomed and was the one who motivated me to talk. Without her here, I lack the courage.

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Summer break rolled around and I was at the peak of loneliness. Usually I would meet up with Mira, but she hates me now. And all our mutual friends disowned me too. Everyone turned against me. I would occasionally get shoved when I went to the toilets. People would push me away and say things like "Ah, the gay home wrecker is here, let's go!"

Soon after the incident, I got glasses, stopped cutting my hair and stopped caring about my looks. Everything is against me anyway. Being the smart guy, I might as well fully embrace being a nerd. I got half a year left anyway.

As for Kaito, I did not contact him at all. Not that I had a reason to. “Learn about yourself.” Is what he said.

Don't make me laugh... Learning is all I do.

...

“Why is it that good times aren't permitted to last? Especially when we have put in so much time and effort, as these two had? It is as if enjoying the fruits of our labours is one of life's luxuries that we are not permitted to indulge for too long - one day we have summer sun and the next winter storms !”  ― Leslie W.P. Garland, The Golden Tup