*Trigger Warnings are in the notes at the bottom* 

I scraped my fork along my plate silently, the room quiet save for the sounds of me and Melve chewing. The atmosphere was thick and uncomfortable, but I’ll be damned if the food wasn’t fucking delicious.

I hadn’t eaten an actual meal for quite a while, and murderer or not, Melve could cook. All of that plus the fact that’d all I’d had to eat in the past fiveish hours was stale doritos, adds up to mean that I was scarfing down the food like a man possessed.

This was comical to Melve, or at least I assumed it was, considering he hadn’t stopped smirking since he’d sat down.

Not that I was paying him much attention, intent as I was on eating whatever pasta concoction was on my plate.

“I take it you like the food?”

I jerked my head up, fork still in my mouth, caught completely off-guard. I made a weird humming noise in response, one that made me want to smack myself in the face.

I shrugged my shoulders up, as if that would clarify things for him.

I didn’t look at Mevle for the rest of dinner, which meant at the time I didn’t notice the look he was giving me.

I felt weird and awkward when I put my plate in the sink, still silently wondering if he was going to say anything about what I’d shouted earlier.

But he didn’t. Not when I stood at the sink washing dishes, and not when he slithered up behind me to help dry them off. Not whenever I left to take a shower, and not when I went to my room for the night, throwing a dubious look behind me as I went.

I fed Balthazar, then jumped into my bed, immediately tugging the covers up to my shoulders, burrowing down in a mountain of pillows, intent on sleep.

~~~

I was alone, floating in the darkness, nothingness stretching around me as far as I could see.

Worthless.

Meaningless.

I spun around in confusion, looking for the source of the voice. The voice that sounded strangely familiar.

“That’s not true! I’m worth something!”

Oh no, you aren’t. You’re never doing what you’re told, Theo. If you loved me you’d listen to me. You’d give me everything I want.

I shook my head, shutting my eyes as if that might block out the voice. His voice. Laughter started to bubble up around me, and I put my hands over my ears, wanting it to stop, wishing it would just shut up.

I’ll kill myself if you don’t, Theo. It’d be all your fault if I died. Is that what you want? Do you want me to die?

“No, I never wanted that,” I whimpered, screwing up my eyes tighter as tears started to form. The voice turned hard, and cruel.

I don’t know why I stay with someone as pathetic as you. You need me, understand? You’re nothing without me. I said, DO YOU UNDERSTAND-

I jolted up, panting into the darkness of my bedroom. I was covered in sweat, and my sheets were tangled up in between my legs, like I had been twisting around violently.

I had the dream again.

I forced myself to get out of bed, as if I could move away from the nightmare and the memories that caused it. I stared at Balthazar, who was sleeping peacefully in the corner of his tank.

My hands were shaking as I unlocked my doorknob and twisted it open, my mind too shaken to remember why the doorknob had been locked in the first place.

I padded down the hallway, rubbing my eyes and heading straight for the kitchen. I wrapped my trembling arms around my torso, feeling weak and scared.

It’s been at least two months since I’ve had that dream. I wonder what brought it on, again.

I shuffled into the kitchen, ignoring the rest of my dark apartment, intent on making myself a cup of tea to soothe my nerves. My hands were still shaky as I opened the cabinet door quietly, not wanting to make any loud sounds that might startle me further.

I stuck my mug full of water in the microwave, then reached up on my toes to grab the box full of teabags from the same shelf. I narrowly avoided dropping the box, and I took a shaky breath as the microwave beeped and I reached up to grab my cup.

Maybe it was because my motor skills hadn’t entirely returned to full functionality, but the second I pulled my cup out it slipped right out of my hands, then crashed onto the floor, sending hot water and glass shards in all directions.

I didn’t move a muscle for a second, only stared at the blue pieces that used to be my favorite mug.

And then I burst into tears.

“F-fuck,” I hiccuped, burying my face in my hands, ignoring the pain shooting through my feet thanks to the boiling hot water I had just spilled on them.

Now, I fully intended to stand there crying for at least another ten minutes, but the sudden sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted my plans.

I yanked my hands off my face, taking a stumbling step backward, one very important fact rushing back towards me in a single moment.

Melve sleeps on my couch.

“F-fuck,” I repeated, trying to back away as quickly as I could from Melve, whose figure I could vaguely see in the dark.

“I’m s-sorry, I didn’t m-mean to wake you u-up,” I hiccuped, tears still falling down my face. I was shaking, and looking down at the ground, trying not to impale myself on the pieces of glass littering the floor, and my face was a mess, and I was one step away from having a full-fledged panic attack when a large hand landed rather gently on my shoulder.

I flinched, and jerked my glassy eyes up to Melve’s face, only to see him looking at me with an expression I had never seen him wear before. I swallowed, cradling my hands against my chest.

What’s he going to do he’s going to be angry he’s going to hurt me he’s going to yell at me-

“How about you go sit down?”

“W-what?” I froze, staring at Melve, waiting for the rabid bite I knew was going to come.

Wasn’t it?

“Go sit down, I can clean this up.” Melve gave me a gentle push in the direction of the living room, and I was so shocked by his behavior that I set my body on autopilot, and before I knew it I was squishing myself into the corner of the couch, my arms wrapped tightly around my knees.

What’s going on?