“I worked real hard for my whole life.” She said, “I grew up in butt-fuck nowhere, and I was the perfect small town girl. I was the perfect kid. I kept mischief to a minimum, kept clean, worked hard at school, went away for college, came back, got married to a shiny young man my mother approved of. I worked as a human resources advisor in town, and worked with most of the bigger businesses there.” She paused and looked around the group, for a moment the only sound was the crackle of the fire.

          “I didn’t have sex until my wedding night, never drank too much, never swore… never smoked.” She said, and made a little show of taking a bent cigarette from a small pile behind her and lighting it. “Not once was I the object of petty town gossip or the latest idiotic scandal.”

          “And look where you are now.” Said Duenna. Thesis smirked and Agony grunted.

           “Yup. Look where I fucking am now. Y’know back when I was living a fuckn’ Dick and Jane, Sweet Valley High, Hallmark bullshit life you probably would have actually liked me Duenna.” Agony reached over and pressed her finger to Duenna’s nose.

           “So that’s the mortar and brick of it, but there was another side of my life. Every week I would write an advice column for the local paper. It was the only thing I had any passion for and I revelled in my anonymity. People all over town would write submissions and I’d tell them what to do. It was gloriously pathetic, on both ends.”

           “That’s why she’s called Agony.” Said Motif.

            “Yup. That’s right. Advice columns are occasionally called Agony Columns. And the people who write them can be called Agony Aunts, or Agony Uncles.” Agony explained. “It’s a British thing… Sequel gave me the name, actually.” She said, a little sadly.

            “Sequel did? Oh, but he doesn't seem very talkative.” Said Ruby, confused.

           “He wasn’t always the vegetable you see before you.” Agony said, ignoring a glare from Motif, “He used to speak in entire sentences, and they were different every time. Over time he just kinda shut down. At this point he’s down to a handful of phrases, like a goddamn pull string toy! And about a third of them are just sounds!” Agony said hotly.

            “Give him a break!” Said Motif, “We can’t all just snark and smoke our way through the end of the fucking world!”

             “Yeah, alright, I guess it’s not his fault he wasn’t strong enough not to become a goddamn vegetable.” Agony shrugged. Thesis and Duenna shared a look.

            “He is not a vegetable! You snide shit-stain!” Motif roared, “He’s just a little broken, that’s all… we all are. But when some people break they don’t just go on pretending they still work!”

            “Be careful now, Motif.” Duenna said, “You are encroaching on Thesis’ territory.” Agony cackled at this, and Thesis shrugged.

            “He has an interesting theory.” Thesis said, “However I think it is more than that. Sequel’s behavior mirrors that of an antisocial child. I think it is possible that, when stripped of the society that made him who he was, he reverted to that more primal and safe space in development.”