Chapter 11

We sit in silence for a bit, before Kossiq speaks up again. “That’s why I felt so off- seeing Arche, being referred to as a girl- I hate it,” he murmurs, placing his hand gently on my leg. I start a little from the unexpected contact, before slowly placing my hand on top of his.

Although he’s looking straight ahead, and I can only see the side of the angel’s face, I’d recognise his little shy smile anywhere.

“We should get going, it’s not safe to stay here,” I say quietly, standing up and letting go of Kossiq’s hand. He suddenly grabs my arm, spinning me around to look at him.

“I just want to reiterate, ok? I don’t think you’re a monster or evil or anything, for killing people, Martin.” The use of my name sends a full-body flinch down my system as the Duchess’s words creep into my ears.

“You’re a monster, Martin. You always have been, and always will be. So, be my monster. Put those skills to use to help your dearest mother, alright Martin? No one will ever love you, so you might as well just do as I say, and who knows, maybe one day we’ll be family.”

“Martin? I’m really sorry I said that, I didn’t mean to upset you, I don’t think you’re a bad person,” Kossiq says gently but firmly. I snap my eyes to him, the words cycling through my head over and over again.

“You’re unloveable.”

“You’re a monster.”

“You’re mine.”

Ripping my arm from Kossiq’s grip, I harden my stare, turning back to the horses. “Don’t lie to me, Kossiq,” I whisper before climbing up behind Yvo on the horse, leaving Kossiq to ride on his own.

—————

-Kossiq-

Something changed in Martin since then. We travelled in silence for an entire day, exhaustion pulling at my eyelids, but Martin never stopped, and I was scared that if I asked him, he would ignore me.

I don’t want him to ignore me; it’d be like I was back with those mercenaries all over again.

Yvo still hasn’t woken up; whatever happened back there clearly took a lot out of him. Martin has distanced himself further and further from me emotionally, and I know why. I thought at first maybe he thought I was a freak, and that’s the reason, but no.

I know the fault lies with me, with what I said.

I hadn’t been calling him a monster, I really hadn’t. But, I also can’t blame him for taking my words that way. I mean, the very first time we’d met, he killed so many mercenaries. It wasn’t like I wasn’t a little scared of him at the time, but I was also thankful.

Thankful that he’d taken me away from that.

Thankful that he’d freed me from my cage, even if it was only to put me in a new, slightly more spacious one.

Yvo eventually wakes up, and he fills us in on what happened back with the bandits. However, we still don’t stop moving. We’ve been riding for so long without a break, and it’s seriously all I can do to stay on top of the horse.

And Martin still won’t look at me.

“So, I sort of…had a chat with this Archangel. Or no, I’ve had a lot of chats with this Archangel, um, Arche. I kept accidentally reaching out in my sleep to them, whilst I was trying out some experimental Diviner shit. Anyway, they started responding, and we would just chat in my visions sometimes,” he explains, glancing off into the sky.

“And then, I mentioned about this fallen angel we found…and Arche sort of…wanted to help you,” Yvo turns to me, and I suddenly feel more alert than I have in hours. “What are you talking about? Arche is the one who kicked me out, why would they care about helping me?”

Yvo chews on his lip, glancing between me and Martin, who’s expression is as closed off and empty as ever. “Well…Arche sort of…told me about why they did that. And…they felt really bad. They said it was unfair, and that they were worried you’d end up dying, because of their harsh decision.”

WOW. That’s all I can say. Fucking Arche feels sorry?! What the fuck.

“So, then I had that vision, right as we got attacked. I ended up having more frequent visions when I felt we were in danger, it was kind of like data collection, so I’d know as much about the situation as possible. And then, Arche started being able to give me visions, like how Archangels give Diviners visions when there’s a new fallen angel,” he explains, fiddling with the horse’s mane.

“Arche told me we were in great danger, that they could just feel it, and I was like ‘yeah, I know, you have terrible timing.’ And then, I had an idea. Or, kind of, combined, we had an idea. To try possession. I sort of, channeled Arche through me, they were like, in control of my body for a bit, through the vision. It was super weird, to be honest, but I felt like a badass,” he laughs brightly, if not slightly awkwardly at the same time.

“So what, that’s how Arche is going to help me? Fight off some guys once, and call it quits? They fucking cast me out. Arche can never take that back,” I scowl, gripping the reins. “A fallen angel can never go back to the heavens,” I whisper, suddenly feeling a sharp prick behind my eyes.

I refuse to fucking cry here. No way. I’m just…so fucking tired, and Martin is still hurt by what I said, and I’m still hurt by the fact that I lost my home. And the fact that Martin won’t look at me.

“No, Arche…wants me to stay by your side, so that they can protect you through me,” Yvo says calmly, twisting to look at Martin. “We can’t hand him over to the Duchess,” he speaks firmly, his tone leaving no room for negotiation.

“No. I agreed to bring the Duchess the fallen angel, so I’ll do just that.”

Martin’s words cut into me, leaving me shattered and…heartbroken. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about me. He’d give me over to someone he knows is going to sell me off, most likely where I’ll end up dead.

And Martin doesn’t care.

I slow my horse’s pace down, turning my head to the other side so that Yvo and Martin won’t see my tears- not that Martin would look at me anyway.

I’m a fucking idiot for thinking he would ever feel the same way for me as I feel for him.

Of course a ruthless Hunter would never love a fallen angel.